#allinity dysphoria

[viscasi]

Height dysphoria sucks ass. I’m in the trenches rn

[viscasi]

Am I the only one who not only feels gender nonconforming, but also sex nonconforming (for lack of better words) to some extent? All the while still being cis, not getting out of that box but just stretching it? I think this is where a more altersex identity comes in. To be *male* while still being a woman. To have more T in me than E, go through a T typical puberty, to have the ability to impregnate, etc. For me, these feelings are as much a big part of me being a virago, just as much being masculine and using masc language for me is

I’m far from an expert on the term “altersex” but yeah, it sounds to me like that word encapsulates what you’re describing. I’m sure people feel it to varying degrees! For some people, it might just be bottom dysphoria, but for others it could be more than that, like wanting their body to be T dominant and appear “male,” etc., as you’ve said.

I do think it’s important to recognize that while being virago and being altersex are often convergent, they aren’t always, and they’re still two distinguishable things. Though some may feel that those aspects of their identity inform or even depend on one another, that’s not gonna be the case for everybody.

Like, personally I don’t feel any desire to have the ability to impregnate, but I have heard others in our community express that feeling! So I don’t think it’s an inherently virago thing, per se, but it does sound like it’s fairly common?

[viscasi]

Heyy! Lo here. I did get my haircut to a buzz (the people at the salon were really nice about it), so that repost is super helpful. Putting it in my back pocket as I figure stuff out.

Little ramble:

I suspect the cut made me look even more "cute-ish". Not sure how does one balance that out? Cheekbones, fem eyelid ridge with thin eyebrows, dollish. I inadvertently look even more like my mother now people are telling me.

I'm completely bare faced and a layman on fashion- but the world of hats has opened up to me (thanks again on the previous tip about that)!

- Lo. Hope that appointment went/will go well!

OH NO!! I'm so sorry your haircut didn't go the way you were hoping, Lo! Here are some tips I brainstormed for you:

If you don't want to give up on short hair entirely, you could try talking with a barber about what your aesthetic goal is and they might be able to help you figure out a specific cut that would bring emphasis to places you want it to and not to others. I'm not like, entirely certain that's a thing but I'm pretty sure it is? I think certain lengths of hair in certain places (such as something longer on the top), and certain styles, can bring out different features in your face.

But you definitely don't have to have short hair. I mentioned this earlier, but I don't actually totally hate my long hair all the time. It feels more like a mane to me, somehow.

Also, in the meantime, while you're waiting for it to grow:

I'm glad the tip about hats helped you out! Conveniently, not only do hats cover your hair, they also tend to make your head look less round, at least in my experience. I have a really small jaw and big cheeks which can make my face look kinda round (at least to me), but those are genetic traits that even the very masculine men in my extended family have. All of them have taken a liking to hats and I'm willing to bet that's the reason haha!

It might also help to grow out and/or darken your eyebrows, if you can. Try to stop plucking/waxing them (except for right in the middle), let them grow into their natural shape. Thick, dark eyebrows that are less refined in shape can help make your face look much more masculine. I've heard of transmasc people getting their eyebrows threaded for this reason-- not saying you have to do that obviously, but it's an option I wanted to make you aware of just in case.

I've also heard whispers here and there about masculine contouring with makeup, but I'm not really sure where to point you to learn how, since I know next to nothing about how makeup works. But that's another thing out there that might help!

Maybe the most important one: Sodium and sugar can make your face appear more puffy and round-- so if you want to sharpen up your face, try cutting as much sugar and sodium from your diet as you can. This is the reason why when people diet, the very first thing they notice is that their face looks sharper; eating well can help you shed excess fat, sure, but a lesser-known effect is that it also eases all the unnecessary water retention in your body, particularly your face. This is the facial masculinization tip that has worked the best for me, and I personally noticed a difference after just a week of cutting sugar, which seems to be the typical time frame. Important disclaimers though: Natural sugar like from fruits & vegetables does NOT count! Please don't stop eating fruits, they're very important! I think they're processed by your body differently than refined sugar anyway. Don't stop consuming all sodium entirely, as small amounts of it are necessary! I have heard that that's pretty hard to do anyway though, since sodium is in a lot of things in small amounts. PLEASE for the love of god be careful with your diet. Especially if you have history with an ED, be so so careful making sure "eating healthier" doesn't turn into a nervous obsession. A good rule of thumb might be to have a mindset of "replacing" things instead of "cutting" them, such as opting for a snack of unsalted cashews instead of salted. I don't want to like, give anyone blanket medical advice here, even if it is as basic as "avoid excessive sodium and added sugar."

Even with all these tips, it might help to know that the shape of your face might even change drastically from one day to another. I myself have noticed that my face appears much rounder on certain weeks of my cycle, and then sharpens up on others; I used to have days where I felt like my face was suddenly extremely feminine and it would freak me out... until I figured out it was a temporary and cyclical thing. Also, people will tell me I look just like my dad some days, and change their mind and say I look just like my mom other days, even if nothing's changed. Point being: most people's faces aren't going to look the same OR be perceived consistently every day anyway.

And lastly, be kind with yourself. If you spend too much of your time and attention worrying that your face looks "too feminine," you're going to start seeing things that aren't there. Remember that no one looks at your face as closely and as often as you do, so you're going to be the most critical about it.

Also, at the end of the day, masculine people have a variety of shapes of faces. People will be quick to try and invalidate your masculinity and blame your face, but I want you to notice that their threshold of perceived "masculine faces" is much much smaller for women than for men. People rarely if ever tell a man that his short haircut makes his face look more feminine. So take what anyone says with a dinosaur-sized grain of salt, because a lot of them have some biases they're unaware of anyway, and know that you can be handsome as hell with any face shape.

Hopefully these ideas are helpful! If anyone else has tips for Lo, feel free to add them!

[viscasi]

ok i feel like. hm

i kind of hate how black and white people treat the term "cis". like youre either cis or trans

a lot of people would call me cis bc i identify as the gender i was assigned at birth. i use she her pronouns and prefer to be called a woman

however, i have had debilitating gender dysphoria since i was twelve, do not identify with the roles i was assigned at birth, and do not pass for either gender well. i have been getting kicked out of womens restrooms since i was ten. hell, im even on testosterone (albeit a very low dose)

but... getting called he/him and being mislabeled or told im a man makes me pretty deeply dysphoric. it just doesnt feel right

currently i do identify as nonbinary, but im still very attached to the label of 'woman', so even that doesnt quite feel right

idk. maybe im overthinking things

So, there's a couple of ways I can interpret what you're trying to say here, so I'll try to address both-- it sounds like either you just wish people acknowledged that there can be kind of a gray area between "trans or cis," and/or you're wishing people acknowledged that people can experience dysphoria without being trans?

In terms of there being a "gray area"-- I'd say that feeling "between" trans and cis is a totally real and valid experience, but also a less common one, which is probably why it isn't talked about as much. I know conversations have touched on how nonbinary people don't always necessarily ID as transgender, but admittedly I've seen little more conversation than that. I do think that most people informed about the transgender experience in general are aware that it's a very diverse experience, and wouldn't be averse to someone IDing as somewhere between trans and cis.

But (and I could be interpreting your ask wrong, I apologize if that's the case!) it sounds to me like you're mostly frustrated that dysphoria is often only understood in a transgender context. I'm right there with you, actually-- for years and years and years I experienced intense dysphoria that is usually only associated with transmasc people (like chest dysphoria and social dysphoria, for example), and that was an incredibly confusing experience for me since I didn't quite feel right identifying as a man, or even as nonbinary. I didn't know where the hell it was coming from or why. Personally, I would now call that experience "allinity dysphoria" rather than "gender dysphoria," since for me, I attribute my dysphoria to my allinity identity as a masculine person rather than my gender. For me, I don't have chest dysphoria because it clashes with my gender or because I feel like I'm a man, but because I feel like it clashes with my masculinity. (Logically, I don't think breasts are inherently unmasculine, obviously. But dysphoria isn't always logical. and also... Society.)

Beyond that, I think it's important to acknowledge though that cis people can also experience "cross-gender" dysphoria, even if it isn't due to allinity. For example, intrafem women who still want to bind (which is actually a lot more common than people think, I'm discovering?) because their chest clashes with their personal image of their womanhood in some way.