how long I've waited for your touch
While working as a mechanic on a spaceship, Michael Guerin falls in love with Alex Manes, a Companion who he’s certain could never feel the same way. A Firefly AU, of sorts.
Warnings for self-esteem issues and lots of smut.
***
“Hold still,” Alex admonishes him gently as he runs his brush over some powdered, golden makeup.
Michael doesn’t know why Alex does this every time he goes out. He’s already physically perfect as he is, skin bare of makeup but still glowing golden and flawless, other than maybe the scar on his forehead that only serves to make him look more attractive, in Michael’s opinion. His eyes are dark, soft, and warm and his lips look so very soft.
Alex brushes makeup over Michael’s cheek bones before moving on to a smaller, more narrow brush, sliding it into a pot Michael knows is filled with black liquid.
“How is the prosthetic working?” Michael asks. He had been so very flattered when Alex had asked him if he could take a look at it and make some adjustments. He knows it was made by professionals to look and feel like a human leg, to be entirely indistinguishable from the rest of Alex’s body. Michael had only changed a few things about it, doing what he could to make the space where it connected to Alex’s leg more comfortable.
“It’s perfect, thank you,” Alex replies, leaning forward to brush his lips against Michael’s cheek for just a moment.
Michael freezes completely, his skin almost burning where Alex’s lips had touched it, though he’s certain it had meant nothing to Alex.
By the time he’s able to talk again, Alex has moved past eyeliner to mascara. “Who taught you to do this?” Michael asks, as Alex carefully applies the makeup. It’s a gift to get to be this close to Alex, to watch him as he’s concentrating on something like this. He could count each of Alex’s perfect eyelashes if he wanted to. Up close, Alex smells clean, warm, and inviting, like a warm summer day on Michael’s home planet. Michael can’t help but wonder if that’s some scent Alex applies or if that’s just him. He’s pretty certain it’s the latter.
“You know we’re all taught to do this when we’re eighteen and we accept the invitation to become a Companion,” Alex replies. “But I learned beforehand, from a friend. My father was never fond of it or my interest in this career path, so she helped me learn to do it to spite him.”
Michael is absolutely certain this story is one Alex’s clients never hear. “What did he do?”
There’s a flash of pain in Alex’s eyes before he shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.” He smiles at Michael, handing him a mirror, “You’ll fit in perfectly.”
He’s done an excellent job, of course. Michael could easily pass for one of the many wealthy people he’ll see at this party, especially when he changes into the outfit Alex lent him. “Are you sure you won’t need this?” he asks, gesturing toward it.
“My date requested a very different sort of experience,” Alex reassures him with a smile. “Enjoy.”
So Michael stands and heads out of the door of Alex’s shuttle and back into the main part of the ship.
***
“I hate this backwards planet,” Isobel complains as she reaches out and grabs something from a passing tray.
Michael wants to point out that she doesn’t seem to hate the food, but, truthfully, he knows what she means. On most planets, her wife, Maria, would be accompanying her. Or, maybe, if she thought it would be dangerous, Jenna. But, on this rock, she’d had to choose a male escort if she wanted to so much as leave her ship.
“Alex did a good job with you,” she points out, waving at his face. “You look very classy. Not like you spent all of yesterday with your head in the engine of my ship.”
Michael can’t help but search the crowd for Alex until he spots him on the arm of a much older gentleman. He hadn’t been lying about the difference in what his client wanted. Michael’s outfit covers him well, but Alex’s? His is sheer and black, showing off much more of him than Michael had ever seen before.
He forces himself to look away and back at Isobel. He can’t be distracted by Alex while they have work to do. “Yeah, if he can make me look this good, he can really work miracles,” Michael replies, forcing out a hollow laugh. “You think this kind of thing is what he likes?” he can’t help but ask, gesturing at the outfit he’s wearing.
Isobel looks at him like she thinks he’s an idiot. Which is, admittedly, how she usually looks at him. “This is his job.”
“I know, I just-”
“Why don’t you just make a move, Michael?” she asks. Before he can answer, however, another gentleman walks up to her and starts telling her the details of the job he wants her to do.
In truth, this is why Michael hasn’t pursued Alex. He’s beautiful and perfect and so very far out of Michael’s league. He’s sophisticated and educated. He’s traveled the world and been in so many men’s beds. What could possibly interest him about a filthy mechanic who hadn’t even left his small town until Isobel showed up and offered him a job?
He forces himself not to watch Alex as Isobel finishes her discussion and then tells Michael that she’s ready to leave. Instead of checking on Alex, he leads his captain back to her ship.
When he reaches his quarters, he looks in the mirror, taking in his appearance. He really does look different. Almost like someone who could be seen on Alex’s arm. But this isn’t who he is. He changes out of Alex’s clothes, using his powers to hang them up as carefully as he can, and slides back into his torn, grease-stained clothes. He washes off the makeup, leaving bits of the eyeliner that don’t want to come off with soap and water around his eyes. He’s certain that will fade with time. And he runs his fingers through his hair, letting his curls do what they want.
This is what he is. And he’s certain this could never interest Alex Manes.
***
The next morning, Michael tries to ignore Alex’s return to the ship. He needs to let go. Stop daydreaming of a man who will never want him.
But it’s so hard to ignore Alex when he shows up in the engine room a while later like he often does, dressed in his usual clothes, black slacks and a button down shirt, this one white and perfectly pressed, much more casual than the dress clothes he wears out, but still clearly very expensive and well-made.
“Did you have fun at the gala?” Alex asks, sitting on the bench in the corner where Michael keeps his tools.
Michael returns his attention to the engine, sliding underneath it and carefully tightening a bolt, “Mostly just felt out of place.”
“I know what you mean,” Alex says. Michael can hear the smile in his voice.
“No offense, Alex, but you’re perfectly in your element there,” Michael tells him. “You look like you’re made for that world.”
“It’s a job, Michael,” Alex says, tone sad. And, fuck, Michael hadn’t meant to hurt him. “I know how to play a part, how to be whatever my client wants me to be, but I don’t feel like myself there.”
“Where do you feel like yourself?” Michael asks, eyes still on his work.
“Here,” Alex’s voice is so soft Michael can barely hear him. “With you.”
Michael jerks upward to look at him, forgetting that he’s underneath the engine and his head smacks hard against the cold metal. “Ow. Fuck,” he mutters.
He can feel gentle hands on his legs, reaching up further, helping to guide him out.
Alex is seated there on the floor in front of him, guiding him to sit up, careful fingertips soothing over his brow. “You’re bleeding.”
“I’m fine,” Michael reassures him, taking Alex’s hands and guiding them away from his face.
He’s about to ask what Alex meant, when Alex speaks, “I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have-” he’s pushing himself upward, closing himself off so quickly.
Michael hadn’t realized until this moment that Alex ever closed himself off at all, but that’s undeniably what he’s doing, shutting himself down. He scrambles to his feet himself, able to move faster than Alex who has to be careful to get his prosthetic under him.
So he’s able to be standing directly in front of Alex when he reaches his feet.
“Did you mean what you said?” Michael asks, voice soft and careful. He wants to reach out and steady Alex, but one look at his perfect, white shirt contrasted with Michael’s engine grease-stained hands has Michael holding back.
Alex’s nod is hesitant, but there. And then it’s followed by, “I know you’re not like me…” Michael’s mind instantly races to all the ways he isn’t good enough for Alex until Alex continues, “You’re not attracted to men, and that’s okay, really. I’m not going to push you into anything you don’t want…”
Alex continues to speak, but it’s all like background noise for Michael, who can only keep replaying Alex’s words in his head. And then, in the middle of Alex speaking, he finally blurts out, “I am attracted to you though.”
Alex instantly stops whatever he was saying a moment before, “You are?”
Michael can’t quite believe how surprised he sounds. “Yeah. Since you moved onto the ship. You didn’t know that?”
Alex completely surprises Michael by looking down and blushing, which only serves to make him more beautiful. And then he meets Michael’s eyes. “I didn’t. Every time I get too close to you, you freeze. Like you’re trying too hard to be polite but don’t want… And I’d never assume you’d… Want me.”
“Fuck, Alex,” Michael can only murmur as he tentatively reaches forward, left hand hovering over Alex’s jaw. He wants to touch, but Alex still looks so perfect and he… He’s a dirty mechanic.
Alex, however, doesn’t seem to have the same concerns, reaching forward and tugging Michael to him, pressing his lips against Michael’s.
All of Michael’s thoughts leave him as Alex’s tongue gently pushes between Michael’s lips, starting to explore his mouth. And then, after a moment, just when Michael is starting to maybe catch up to what’s happening, he pulls away.
“I’m sorry, was that too much?” he asks, unsure. “I’m so used to other people telling me what they want from me beforehand and I don’t want to pressure you-”
“No, it wasn’t too much,” Michael manages to say. “It’s… I’m just trying to catch up to the fact that you were actually kissing me.”
Alex laughs, blush staining his cheeks again. Then he takes a deep, calming breath. “Okay. Why don’t you tell me what you want?”
“Kissing you was nice,” Michael says, feeling his face and the back of his neck heat up. “But what do you want?”
Alex looks taken aback by the question and Michael suddenly finds himself wondering if anyone has ever asked him that before. And then, “You.”
“I want you too, but… What other than that? What do you want me to do with you?” Michael asks carefully. He’s completely lost here. He’d assumed Alex was the one with the experience, but, maybe… Maybe he really isn’t.
“Most of the time, people like when I’m-”
“Not what people want from you, Alex,” Michael says softly. “What do you want?” He pauses, trying to make it easier, “Do you want me to kiss you? Do you want your dick in my mouth? Do you want my hand wrapped around you? Do you want to be inside of me? Do you want me inside of you?” he offers a few suggestions. It’s oddly easier for him to do this, to ask all this, now that he knows Alex isn’t as worldly as he had assumed. He’s educated and knowledgeable, beautiful and sophisticated, but it just means his cage is more gilded than Michael’s. They’re both doing what they know how to do to survive.
Alex looks frustrated and lost, “Do you think we could-?” He stops himself, pauses, takes a deep breath before meeting Michael’s eyes. “Would you want me inside of you?” he asks carefully.
Okay, Michael was wrong when he thought this was easier. He feels like his breath has been punched out of him at the thought. But, finally, he manages to get out a “Please.”
And then Alex is backing him against the wall, arms bracketing him as he leans forward, lips just a centimeter away from Michael’s own.
Michael bursts forward the last little bit, pressing his lips against Alex’s but, otherwise, letting Alex lead the way.
Alex breaks the kiss to pull Michael with him towards Michael’s bedroom, really not much more than a small corner, out of the way of the rest of the ship. He doesn’t even have a proper door, just a curtain, but Alex doesn’t seem to mind, not even waiting until it finished swinging closed to tug Michael’s shirt up over his head and press him against his small bed.
His eyes are drawn to the smudge of grease along Alex’s jaw, as Alex quickly unbuttons his shirt and pulls it off, tossing it to the side without even looking to see where it lands.
His skin is perfect, golden and glowing. Michael wants to reach out and touch him, but the thought of leaving grease-stains on that perfect skin…
Alex seems to sense his hesitation, because he grabs both of Michael’s hands in his own, lifting them to his lips and pressing a gentle kiss to each fingertip. “I want you to touch me, Michael.”
It takes a moment, but then his hands are on Alex’s sides, sliding around him and pulling him properly on top of Michael. His thighs are bracketing Alex’s hips and Alex’s hands feel like they’re everywhere, his lips against Michael’s.
Alex is letting out these gorgeous little moans as Michael kisses him, his hands exploring soft skin.
When Alex’s hips rock against Michael’s just right, he can’t help but let out a particularly loud moan. He’s so hard already and Alex’s touch, the feel of Alex’s length grinding against his own with just enough pressure to tease? Michael is certain he won’t last long at all.
“Lube?” Alex asks, pausing between kisses to Michael’s jaw.
He thinks Alex is distracted enough not to notice, so he reaches out with his mind, pulling the bottle of lube off the shelf and to his hand before pressing it against Alex’s hand.
Alex’s mouth is on one of Michael’s nipples, as he unbuttons Michael’s pants and starts to slide them down his legs. He’s pressing open-mouthed kisses down from Michael’s chest to his stomach as he scoots downward, tugging off Michael’s boots, jeans, and underwear in one quick move. “Have you ever done this before?” he asks, voice rough as his gentle hands slide up Michael’s thighs.
“I’ve, um, tried with my fingers,” Michael admits, blushing at the memory of the things he had done while fantasizing about Alex doing them.
“I’ll want to watch that sometime,” Alex replies. Michael looks down to see a wicked grin on his face. He’s popping open the lube bottle, coating those gorgeous, long fingers with lube. “Tell me if you need me to stop or slow down at any time, okay?” Alex asks.
“Yeah,” Michael breathes, certain he won’t need to. He doesn’t know how much longer he can wait until Alex touches him.
And then he doesn’t have to wait any longer because one of Alex’s fingers is carefully circling his hole. He can’t resist the urge to chase it with his hips, desperate for more, but Alex takes his sweet time before just barely sliding a finger into him.
When Michael tries to chase that sensation, Alex pulls his hand away. Michael looks up at him to curse at him, but the smile on Alex’s face takes that urge away.
“You’re beautiful, you know that?” Alex says, voice soft.
Michael wants to argue, wants to say that he’s nothing compared to Alex, but then Alex is touching him again, easing one finger inside of him and Michael is only able to let out a desperate whine.
Alex takes his sweet time with Michael, just teasing him with that one finger until Michael is ready to scream at him to hurry up. And then he’s sliding a second finger inside of him, pressing gentle kisses to Michael’s hip as he scissors his fingers, carefully opening Michael for him.
When Alex brushes his fingers against his prostate, Michael can’t help the way his hips move against Alex’s hand, the curses that escape his mouth. All he wants to do is keep chasing that sensation.
And Alex lets him, eventually easing another finger into him, but finally letting Michael take what he wants, letting him rock his hips desperately against Alex’s hand, chasing that sensation.
His orgasm takes him by surprise, but Alex seems to have anticipated it, because, just as it’s happening, he’s swallowing Michael’s length down, drinking every last drop of his release.
When Michael is finally capable of speech again, he’s embarrassed, wishing he could hide. “I’m sorry, I-”
But Alex interrupts him with a gentle kiss, his fingers sliding out of Michael, making him whine at the loss. “Don’t be,” Alex says, hovering above him, clean hand brushing his curls back from his face. “You’re beautiful. And that… You have no idea how long I’ve wanted to do that.”
“But you didn’t-”
“That can wait,” Alex reassures him. “I’m in no rush. And I know your refractory period isn’t that long,” he finishes with a wicked grin.
“How do you-” Michael instantly starts to panic. He’s been so careful about hiding his Antaran ancestry, but Alex speaks as if it’s open knowledge.
“I haven’t told anyone,” Alex instantly tries to reassure him, one hand on Michael’s chest, over his heart. “It’s my job to figure these things out. To know when people are hiding things that could be important and to keep them to myself. But most people don’t know what they’re looking for. And they wouldn’t have gotten close enough to find out, even if they did.”
“How did you…?” he’s trying to figure out if he’s slipped in front of Alex. In front of anyone.
“You smell like rain in the desert,” Alex shrugs, looking down. “It reminds me of home. The good parts of it, anyway.” He pauses, meets Michael’s eyes, “I will never tell anyone anything about you that you don’t want me to share, Michael.”
There’s something about the way that Alex says that. It makes Michael feel safe. And, truthfully, he’s always felt safe with Alex. But he still doesn’t fully understand one thing, “Why me, Alex? You could have anyone in the universe. Why a filthy mechanic?”
“You know that’s not who you are, don’t you?” Alex asks. He seems to read the insecurity on Michael’s face, because he continues. “You are the smartest person I’ve ever met. And you’re kind. And gentle. I’ve seen you with everyone on this ship and you… You respect them and care for them. You see them for who they are and you accept them. Without hesitation. You’re beautiful.
“Do you know why I asked you to look at my prosthetic?” Alex asks. Michael can’t figure out what that has to do with his question, but he waits for Alex to explain it. “The professionals who made it, who fitted me for it, their concern was that it look and feel like a human leg. Like mine would. That it would appear real to the client. That’s what I am for them.” He shrugs, but continues, “My job is to give the clients exactly what they want, even when they don’t know what that is. I’m paid to read people and to play a part. And I can do that very well.” He takes a breath and meets Michael’s eyes, his gaze gentle and warm, “I knew you would look at my prosthetic and not see what the clients would. I knew you’d see it as it is for me.” He pauses for a moment, looking down and then back up, “I never feel like I have to play a part with you. And, I don’t know if I’m misreading this or seeing what I want to see, but I think you just want me to be myself. Even if I don’t know who I am all the time.”
Michael rolls over onto his side so he can face Alex properly. Alex is propping his head up on one hand and he looks so soft and beautiful that Michael’s heart aches in his chest. Michael reaches out, running one hand up and down Alex’s side, from his ribs, over his hip, to his thigh. “I like who you are. And I think you know who you are. Deep down. Even if you don’t always realize it.”
“Good. Because I don’t want to act with you,” Alex says softly.
“You won’t.” Michael is certain of it. He may not know who Alex shows these clients, but Alex has only ever been himself with him. “And, if you start to, I’ll be right here to remind you who you are.”
He must have said something right, because then Alex is pushing him back on the bed, pressing his lips against Michael’s again. The fabric of his pants is rough against Michael’s bare, sensitive skin, but it feels so good and right that soon he’s grinding up against Alex, desperate for more contact.
“Please, Alex,” he manages to get out against Alex’s mouth.
And then Alex is pulling away and Michael is trying to chase him, until he realizes that Alex is taking his pants off. “Do you mind if I take this off?” Alex asks, sounding unsure, as he gestures toward his prosthetic.
“Please,” Michael nods, laying back on the bed and stroking Alex’s hip where he can reach it. He watches as Alex removes his prosthetic, the button hidden and activated by Alex’s thumbprint. Then Alex slides off the sock, setting both it and his prosthetic to the side before turning his attention back to Michael.
He has the lube back in his hand and Michael barely notices the noise of the bottle opening because Alex is kissing him and he is bare against Michael. He can feel Alex’s length against his own.
Alex’s fingers are in him again, just checking before withdrawing, a whimper escaping Michael’s lips. He wants more.
He can hear Alex tearing a condom package open, but he’s not paying attention until he feels Alex’s cock pressing against his hole, slowly pushing in. It’s too much and just exactly enough and Michael is overwhelmed by the sensation.
Alex stills when he’s in him to the hilt and it takes Michael a minute to focus on him, to process that worried expression.
“So good, Alex,” he manages to get out, wrapping his legs around him and urging him on.
Finally, Alex is moving, slowly enough to torture Michael, but he’s dragging against Michael’s prostate with each thrust.
Alex is letting out the most gorgeous moans that Michael has ever heard, but he’s dragging it out and Michael knows he’s trying to make this good for him. He doesn’t know how perfect it already is because it’s Alex.
“Harder, Alex, please,” he manages to get out.
And, moments later, Alex is pulling him closer as he pounds into Michael, chasing his own release and sending Michael rocketing towards his.
Michael comes untouched again, followed mere moments later by Alex, who collapses against him.
When Alex catches his breath and moves off of him, sliding out of him, Michael reaches out with his powers, wetting a rag in the sink in the corner of the room and bringing it over.
Alex catches it before it reaches him. He removes the condom, tying it off and letting Michael float it toward the garbage before gently cleaning the both of them off.and tossing the rag to the side.
He’s surprised by the way Alex curls into him. He had thought he’d want to leave for his much more comfortable bed when they were done, but, instead, he seems perfectly content right here. He still has that grease-stain on his jaw, one on his hip, and probably more elsewhere, but it doesn’t seem to bother him. And he doesn’t look even the tiniest bit less beautiful. In fact, he looks even better, content and relaxed, a soft smile on his face. He’s tracing circles on Michael’s chest and Michael can’t resist the urge to grab his hand and kiss his palm, followed by each finger.
After, Alex settles into him and lets Michael curl around him protectively holding him close.
He falls asleep with his nose buried against the nape of Alex’s neck, breathing in the scent of home.
