Getting Closure...
Even as I wrote the title for this post I had to reflect on my past attempts to 'get closure'... Like essentially, what does that mean? That you need to see your ex bf/gf or 'situationship' one last time, to solidify that things are o-v-e-r? Looking at my own experiences, I realized that a lot of those 'Closure' meetings put me in an even more confused place, asking myself questions like 'am I really ready to walk away?" "Is this the last time I will ever see your face?" It seems so final... and for me, love has never allowed me to just count my losses and walk away that easily.
I am a 22-year-old single female, living in NYC, my dating experiences have turned me into the cynic I am today... I still believe in love, however, I believe I have better odds at meeting a Unicorn than avoiding the awkward 'I need closure' situation. I've experienced two different endings...
I thought it was love, but it was amplified lust...
These situations aren't that hard to let go of. You're so in 'love' that kinda forget what's going on around you.... It's just you and them, but for a period of time. Reality sets in, and you don't really love this person, but merely infatuated by something you want but don't need. It's like the typical good girls like bad guys syndrome, however, after a emotional roller coaster of high's and lows, you don't feel in 'love' with this person, not even in lust, but resentment. Luckily if you have gone too far off in the deep end you're able to pull yourself out, a little battered, a little drained, but smarter and stronger because you didn't expect to make it out of that black hole you call your 'feelings'.
Love that never really ended, it faded...
This is like the romantic comedy that doesn't end up with the happy ending, but the real ending. At some point you went from being in love, to being in a routine, doing things because it's what you were supposed to do versus what you want to do. At some point the spark went out, the passion that once made you feel so alive doesn't do a thing for you anymore. It's not that you love them any less, you just realize that your love has changed, its kinda harder to walk away from these relationships. Sometimes, even after you have broken up, you somehow find your way back to each other, because you miss the familiarity of the relationship. You miss the feeling of having someone that understood you, its easier to go back than to start all over...
So, how do you gain closure... For me, I think time heals all. If I have placed a certain amount of time and distance between someone I once cared for, I can do without the 'closure' conversation. At this point we have been so far removed from each others lives, why go back and rehash something we just let go of...