I was working on another post but I need to make this one real quick because I so often see people use episodes like The Southern Raiders, Crossroads of Destiny, and The Beach as proof for why certain ships do/don’t work. And all I can say is: y’all need to go back to the basics when it comes to conflict resolution, and learn how toxic it is to expect loved ones, especially romantic partners, to be with us through, and heal, everything. If that was possible we wouldn’t need therapy.
Asking why Aang and Sokka weren’t present during TSR, and using it as proof they don't know the "real" Katara, is like asking why no one was able to help Aang decide how to defeat Ozai, why the gaang’s words of comfort weren’t enough in Sokka’s Master, or why Katara’s kindness in Crossroads of Destiny wasn’t enough.
I’m not joking when I say people need to go back and learn their basics. Because you’d understand where it’s coming from if you know “Man vs X”.
Using the most basic example off the top of my head: The Lion King
Nala wants Simba to return home, to help resolve an external conflict. He not only rejects, but lashes out at her and refuses to tell her about what he’s been through. Why is that? Should we see that as the real him? No. It's because external comfort will not solve your internal distress. It will not ease his guilt, or give him the courage to go back to Pride Rock. And even when he does go back to Pride Rock, what happens? Scar almost kills him. It was only with the revelation that Mufasa’s death isn’t his fault, that he finds the strength to fight back. The internal conflict finally resolved.
Internal conflict is more often than not, something we need to face alone, or around those that aren’t close to us. It’s why Nala, Timon, and Pumbaa weren’t around. And why he was more open to Rafiki.
These conflicts are like invisible traps, sometimes we don’t even realize it’s there until something triggers them. And in other cases, it’s a slowly building pressure that we carry until it breaks us.
Crossroads of Destiny: Katara’s kindness isn’t enough to resolve Zuko’s internal conflict. And she’s not doing anything out of love or a crush, but because she’s so empathetic and caring for others, that she’s willing to see the humanity in her enemies. But that's not what Zuko needs, healing his scar would have done nothing for him.
The Beach: The episode where people intentionally ignore that Zuko is trying to cover up his insecurities by leaning more into his loved ones. The campfire scene literally explains it. He’s angry at no one but himself. He wants to be with Mai, he wants to bond with Azula, but these external loves can't resolve his internal conflict on what his destiny is.
Both Crossroads of Destiny and The Beach involve Zuko trying to cover up internal conflict through external means.
TSR: Already explained in another post, Aang and Sokka stay behind because they know this is something she must confront on her own.
Sokka’s Master: An episode often overlooked but another example of how love won’t save the day. The gaang’s words aren’t enough to comfort Sokka. He has to find his worth on his own. In fact, even Katara knows that words aren’t enough and that’s why they go shopping, in hopes it’ll help him.
The idea that our romantic partners, friends, and family need to be next to us through everything we face, and if not, it's a a sign they don't care, puts them on an unrealistic pedestal. It’s a toxic mindset that reinforces toxic codependency.
For TSR Sokka and Aang staying behind is the kindest thing they could have done. And the mature option. You don't know how hard it is to stand back while a loved one handles their grief until you have experienced it. And it's something based on trust. They trusted that whatever she chose, it would be the best decision for her.
