what about when Aaron starts to crack?
when he starts to eat less and zone out more
when Matt gives him an odd look because he didn’t get annoyed at Kevin for chewing out the backliners the way he and Matt usually do
when he admits to himself that he doesn't regret what he did to drake in the slightest but still wonders if there's something irreversibly broken in him now
when he locks himself up in Katelyn's room for extended periods of time but barely speaks
when he gets frustrated in practice and tells coach that he's going to need a new backliner lined up for when he's carted off to prison
(when he looks conflicted for a moment as coach lays into him for talking like that [and anyway I've got you for three more years, don't think you're leaving my court one second earlier so shut the fuck up and give me three laps for even thinking that bullshit] before his face crumbles into a defeated look with a shrug and a "whatever")
when he has to remind himself almost daily now of the hell that he went through to get clean while the voice in his head that says don't you fucking dare fuck it all up now grows weaker and less convincing
when he snaps at Renee one time and he doesn't know why the softness in her voice when she asked him if he was okay set him off. but he does know what the sharp stab of guilt means (even before Matt and Nicky round on him with "woah woah don't talk to her like that") because that's a Thing. nobody talks to Renee like that. and that's why he finds himself issuing the first apology he ever gave to one of the Foxes while wondering if he's losing it
when he accidentally falls asleep on coach's couch after an emotional night and seems unnecessarily angry about it in the morning because he had only gone over there to explain his absence from last practice, not to vent because that's for Andrew and Kevin and Josten and the other fuck ups to do. I don't need to waste our time whining away my sorrows around your apartment
when he dodges his usual ride with Andrew only to show up late to their joint therapy session for the very first time, answering Betsy's polite inquiry with a shrug and a "I had something to do" all the while ignoring Andrew's heavy stare
when finals are approaching and he says he's going off to study but something about the way he says it sounds wrong so Andrew goes to check on him and finds him working his way through a bottle of liquor that looks like it was nicked from coach's cabinet, books and notes strewn everywhere. Aaron grins at him and says something about well what's the point of studying because killers don't get into med school
what then
