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I need dysphoria to stop and to make my friend a birthday present and to catch up on webcomics and to finish drawing my own comics and finish watching that show and that other show and for dysphoria to stop and to practice again and to organize music into my playlists and write my stories and finish that fanfic I was writing and that other fanfic and for dysphoria to stop and to eat and drink water and sleep and practice and dysphoria to stop and finish watching that show and start watching that other show and listen to that one song and for dysphoria to stop and dysphoria to stop and dysphoria to stop and dysphoria to stop and dysphoria to stop and dysphoria to stop—

#I’m kinda stressing tf out #there’s too much of everything rn #dysphoria is making things ten times worse because I can’t Normal with it so fucking strong #and I don’t have methods to cope with it properly #I just need a break ay ay ay #and surgery #personal #vent #tw vent #tw dysphoria

thinking about how with becoming disabled, your threshold of what is normal slowly changes, so slowly that you don't notice. I'm currently laying in bed debating whether I need to suck it up, get up, and go do something because it's really not that bad, or if I should go to sleep early because my legs hurt and my shoulders ache and I'm fucking tired even though I've only been awake 9 hours. then I remember that if I had felt this shitty even just a couple yrs ago, I would've assumed I'd caught something and would have allowed myself to take the rest I needed, to lay down, close my eyes, and put on an audiobook. I think about how this, the curling up in bed and listening to an audibook, is a luxury that only able bodied people with appropriate sick leave can afford when they've got the flu. not something that most disabled people can afford to do every day, even though they need the rest.

#crip punk #cripple punk #joint pain #joints no work #literally today i was showing my friends how my kneecap slides out a little #no one ever diganosed me ??? even though i had multiple injuries #an mri #mant x rays #a lot of physical therapt #meetings with various doctors #and surgery #and no one ever bothered to tell me so i thought it was normal until i looked it up #shrieking #etc #disabled tumblr #disabled

Juvenile Rheumatoid Arthritis

Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis (JRA), also known as juvenile idiopathic arthritis (JIA), is a form of arthritis that affects children. JRA causes inflammation and pain in one or more joints. The cause of JRA is unknown, but it may be the result of an immune system response gone wrong. It is not contagious.

#Juvenile rheumatoid arthritis #anti-inflammatory #joint pain #swelling #stiffness #warmness #corticosteroids #physical therapy #and surgery

Well, just in case I wasn't stressed out enough, what with American politics, my neurosurgeon refuses to do my surgery. He claims there's nothing that would be surgically beneficial for me. So I guess I'm getting referred 6+ hours away. To a strange hospital I've never been to. I hate new places, I hate hospitals, I hate the idea of surgery. I just want the pain to stop.

I've gone mute for the day from stress. Probably will be again when I have to go to the new hospital. In a huge city. During the pandemic.

I hate this. I wish I could just be what society calls normal.

#chronic pain #nonverbal episode #back surgery #degenerative disc disease #actually autistic #i hate hospitals #and surgery #and big cities