Why am I sharing all this? well. Doors as a metaphor start with day 46 with Angela, and then are central with Abram on day 48. I believe they're not brought up again.
Until Ruina.
Now, referencing from LC is a bit tricky because Ruina is perfectly consistent within itself with the language it uses and localization, but LC doesn't always match perfectly. "Opening a door and crossing it" however, and its other side, "closing the door", here are consistent even if you were to change a term or two.
They don't mean the same "door", apparently, but rather a metaphor for an opportunity. Something to uncover. A threshold to cross.
With Ayin, those doors were Carmen and her plan, her suicide, and lastly, overcoming this guilt and self-loathing to finalize the plan. When Abram gives up, he promises to never do something like that again, and "closes the door" as he detonates the facility with everyone (and himself) inside.
Zena is then talking about something similar. The Head has decided to do -something-, to seize -some- opportunity. They have opened that door, and they're committed to seeing it through.
Now, what would that door be?
-
It's interesting then also for another reason. Binah draws a parallel with her and Ayin after her Core Suppression. They're both products of the conditions of the world they live in, they can do these things so enmeshed with cruelty because that's what a cruel world will eventually produce.
What makes this interesting beyond that philosophy (a cruel world can be faced by the cruel people it produces), is that Binah is representative of Fear and has the overwhelming power of the Head as its imagery. Arbiters, what Garion was, are directly under the command of the Head- A Corp. This is very on the nose, isn't it? That all these things are, after all, cyclical, and human.
Outside of LC, this would also imply that the Head perhaps had a similar story behind its creation and its goals. We certainly see that with the backstory of other 2 Corps we know of (K Corp and T Corp) where initially they are sincere human wishes to fix or change something tragic, and over time, it gets turned into a machine of cruelty churning people into paste.
Binah, also, remarks how, even if breaking a cycle doesn't fix things, it matters that it was broken once, because it means it can be broken again. Angela uses a wheel as a metaphor for cycles and stagnation, but then reframes it as spinning and moving forward with each cycle.
Do you see what I mean?
If each corporation is the same, born from a wish, and the Head is not the exception, but also directly paralleled with this specific set of stories born from one wish, would it be safe to assume ultimately, all of these would lead to another door? What was the initial wish of the Head? whose was it? what was the world like before that?
I think may that's getting lost in the details, and forgetting that PM is about
And, perhaps, the Corporation that is at the top and controls the world has a wish of controlling the proliferation of stories, just like how someone wanted to stop the unrelenting march of time, and another to restore the wounded, and another sought to restore desire and individuality
It won't be concise, it won't be coherent, it won't be analytical.
The problem with talking about this is that it is not like with any other character. I can point to one as an ideal, as a desire, as interesting, as relatable, as reminding me of someone dear- but the problem with broad things that overlap is that it stops having such a defined shape, it gets further abstracted.
I can say, for example, Hod reminds me of a friend, so there's a simple and tangible tie to that appreciation. Obviously there's more to it, but you get what I mean.
I was thinking on maybe splitting this into categories but I have trouble doing that as well.
I can say, for example, that her story as an Other, dehumanized, denied autonomy, denied a life, who understands this abuse as limited to the interpersonal to then see that it's systemic- is fairly relatable. I can also say I see these things on people who are dear to me, and I also see some of these things as reflective of my own ideals (when I read them in such a way, of course). So what do we do with that?
I can't do the "literally me" because I see way more than that, I don't see -just- me in there. Whatever approach I take is going to be reductive.
This, of course, isn't unique or special when it comes to stories. PM is about stories, it's highly referential and inspired in a slew of literature, and they're not even remotely subtle about the ways in which they use these archetypes. Frankenstein, Pinocchio, Paradise Lost, La Divina Comedia, La Casa de Asterion, La Biblioteca de Babel, El Aleph, Do Androids Dream of Electric Sheep?, Catcher in The Rye-
The point is that the very premise of her character isn't unique, but while watching, say, The Matrix, I didn't feel seen. Pinocchio (at least the handful of version I know, including Del Toro's) didn't make me feel seen. I Saw The TV Glow didn't do it. Frankenstein didn't do it.
Why did it work here?
A good start is the fact that the dynamic of the android and people isn't the same as any of these stories and, usually, in such cases where it is, the android is either not the protagonist (so it's about how a Flesh Person feels, usually a man) or not humanized. A follow-up to that is the ways in which this is loaded with the interpersonal- factory-made is not a relatable experience, but personally made is, even if the parts are factory-made, the ultimate assembly was done intentionally by an individual(s). This gives it a familial dynamic, and considering the fact that children are (legally, socially and politically) property in the majority of the world, it's a very direct relation to real life experiences.
The android (gynoid, really) is also importantly feminine and objectified, both in a sexual manner and in a practical one. This is uh- if you read my post on how her story can be read as that of transmisogyny this is self-evident, but the point is that from her conception she is made to be a replacement for a "real woman" but not in any way related to personhood- she's simply to look good and perform certain emotional tasks (and, of course, the actual job). This is not an unusual experience for children either. Others have talked about how transmisogyny and child abuse function together and I'm not going to do that here, but there's quite a lot in common.
The way in how this dehumanization is internalized to cope is something that I haven't seen done, not quite the same. Get hammered enough with certain ideas, get no options but to fit the mold, and if you have no room to resist, you'll take these ideas to make sense of your situation and not lose your mind.
You can't afford to break over grief, your context doesn't allow it. The very same abuse that tells you you're inhuman and unfeeling is then the tool to repress those feelings. I can't feel bad.
It becomes a feedback loop.
Normally, outside of the interpersonal relationship with the abuser, other people would reassure you that it's not true, that you have feelings and what happened hurt you, because you're just like them.
What happens when they don't see you that way?
"Wish that I could be a heartless monster like her"
"You wouldn't understand love"
"You do this because you don't care"
The environment reaffirms the abuse. The only way to exist is to accept your place, and hope that it'll amount to something.
The twist is that it doesn't. It never does.
And then comes resistance. Throw it all away. Burn everything to the ground. Grasp your life because it's yours, and do it hard enough you might just break it, but it's yours, damn it, if someone is going to break it it has to be you.
You ricochet from no autonomy to everything. From "watch what everyone else does" to "Look only after myself", from "do nothing that isn't for the other person" to "I'll do whatever I want and tough shit if you don't like it." It's a strong response because you couldn't respond at all before. It isn't healthy, but would you drink calmly if you had almost died from dehydration moments prior?
She fucking sucks. She's prickly, reacts poorly, assumes hostility (and in all fairness, she's not wrong in doing so), has a thing with control and pretensions of skill and capabilities, is deeply afraid, has no idea what to do or how to cope. She clings to the ghost of who she's modeled after because that's the one thing that pushed her forward, even if it's killing her.
The whole thing about the gang growing to sympathize with her when they get to learn about all the dogshit she had to endure is a fantasy, it's a pipedream, and while I like that, that's what it is- reality isn't that convenient. The truth is that you get a couple of buddies if you're lucky, and everyone else is Hook Office, it's The Musicians of Bremen, it's Gloria, it's Xiao. You're just a weirdo that isn't Really Human and Ensouled like them at best, or something to hit and laugh at worst.
The thing where she tells Roland he's basically her only friend (and her only IDEA of what a friend IS) because the guests are all assholes and then with the Patrons there's baggage? that's just real. Just thinking about unwrapping the absolute MESS that is the people I know from my past makes me dizzy.
In reality, the people who decided you're inherently evil won't change their minds. It's extremely rare. If they didn't hold any sort of good faith for you they won't now. New friends are usually the only way to not pull the pin on the grenade, people who aren't so deeply biased, interpersonally or otherwise.
There's also little details, right? there's a way she has to rationalize things and communicate them that is viscerally familiar. I DID NOT notice the biases in her thought processes until someone else pointed it out, because that was just rational to me.
"She's so mean to Malkuth" I would've snapped at her too. Some ass that knows NOTHING about me comes with pretensions of telling ME what to do about MY PAST? You could argue Angela was hostile first (Calling her incompetent), and I'd argue Angela had Her Entire Life of being the victim of hostilities. Why should she be the bigger person here? why is the onus on her, who nobody gives a shit about?
Other encounters aren't quite like that, she argues with Yesod but they reach an understanding because he does not argue on such ridiculous terms. Hod has the tact to understand she's troubled and trying to be gentle with the conversation. Netzach is accusatory but he's also not taking that kind of posture to begin with, they don't come off as badly.
I'm sorry, but I'm taking her side. I've been there too. I would NEVER assume I know someone's life and then "call them out" on it like some fucking twitter therapist. I don't care how cute and whimsical Malkuth is, that was highly insensitive at best.
Why would you expect "1000 years of torment, no socialization, 0 outlets" girl to behave Emotionally Stable. "She lashes out like a teenager" yeah dude. Be grateful that's all there is.
The whole thing about trusting Roland was also a "GET OUT OF THERE" moment because oh boy. Oh goodie. I've been there.
She's not some goofy naive kid that doesn't know the guy is shady. She knows. She does it anyway because, firstly, she believes herself THAT in control of herself and the situation (she's not, she's snaps at every realization, almost does so with LoveTown too), and also, a need to connect. This is someone that can't harm her* and who is new, she can try to get some socialization out of it (very much says it, someone to converse with)
*lol lmao
And it backfires, because she's not in complete control, and refuses to admit how starved for connection she is. They become friends, and she becomes vulnerable.
I've been lucky to not have anyone want to kill me that badly, but I have bonded in the wrong way, I have trusted wrong, the stakes were just much much much lower.
Girl, you are not as strong and stable and Stoic as you think you are. People WILL get you. You HAVE feelings and needs.
There's just this- it's uncanny at so many points. "Machine is an allegory for-" I have been called a computer and a robot my whole life, now they say I'm like an AI. It's not a haha funny joke, it's bigotry, primarily the autism in my case. The overlap with that and the fuckdoll tranny aspect of it is just a lot. "How do you relate as a trans woman if she looks like that?" take a fucking guess? what do you think the average "tranny porn" actress looked like for the longest time? you even have the colorful wig.
None of this is meant to be relatable to someone like me, I don't think, but that's irrelevant.
The whole thing with Ayin is sickening, and it would've been much worse if in my case it had been a father figure as well. Just how absolutely fucking loaded it all is. No shit people recoil at the "familial dynamics" part, they don't want to acknowledge parents do this. They absolutely project their unmet needs from a divorce or a widowing onto their children, on various degrees. Binah isn't even subtle about it "He wanted someone to take care of him" and he made a curvier version of his dead crush who can't talk back and is socially, physically, and legally dependent on him.
If it was just me then that's it, but it isn't it, so it takes that double dimension of my own pain and the pain I feel for my dear ones, and my desire to do something for them to ease that aching. It becomes an amalgamation of thoughts about myself, others, the world.
It's unfortunately not that simple.
And that's just the Bad part. The ending is so important in a lot of ways. Assimilation won't save you, you'll become another cruel piece of shit who tramples over anyone who doesn't also conform, and you'll never stop being other anyway. To accept that you are you and that changing is something that has to come from your desires and not a pressure for Normalcy Or Death. That what you are is not defined by another. Fuck them.
I find it so hard to resonate with most stories even when they are about being Other. They make some concessions or make it about Normal Guy learning a lesson. It ends up being ironically more alienating. "Freak becomes normal :)" drink mercury.
I go and watch a movie about being trans but it's so unrelatable to my lived experiences that it basically means nothing. I listen to a song about relationships being trans and I relate Nothing. I read a short story about someone figuring themselves out as a trans and I feel nothing.
And the fucking
THIS gets me. Blue hairs and pronouns conventionally attractive android gets me.
I didn't even talk about that. The whole thing with her appearance. Drives me up a wall. I did before, though, a long time ago, when explaining why her LC design hits me that much harder. People will just dismiss it as some misogyny goof but like put yourself in her fucking shoes, mon ami. I get she's not real but when I see comments on her looking cute or sexy I grind my teeth a little bit. I'vebeenthere!!!I'vebeenthereit'smaddening!!!shefuckinghatesit!!!!!thisisnotpraiseyou'repartoftheproblem!!!!!!!!
Wow dude. Your Abuse Fit looks fucking dashing. Mind if I reinforce the ideas behind it? #Compliment
She's not even transgender, but when you make a woman who is not a woman and not even allowed to be a person and her whole thing is about breaking free of the cycle of abuse and thinks that she can finally be at peace by changing her body to make it Normal and she was to perform emotional labor for a man while looking fuckable ("pleasing to your eyes" I'm going to f) and the very state has defined People Like Her as subhuman and can't let them exists because it fucks with the status quo and everyone just debates if she's real people in front of her because her appearance is not-woman but not quite and you have to be nice!!! you have to be polite!!!! you can't get your body change if you don't!!!! and the narrative is that people like you are just inherently evil and scary but also lesser and the lesson is that it's fine to want to change your body but for the love of fuck understand that's not the problem! The problem is the way you have been deemed an acceptable target! The body is simply a wedge into HOW they define Normal and it isn't a problem in itself.
You have to befriend the trans woman with the sad beautiful eyes of someone who's been stuck in the time loop for a thousand years.
There's probably more but at this point I'm eating my keyboard and not even remotely close to coherent anymore. Thanks.
This is an analysis on Angela's visual design, primarily in Lobotomy Corporation, but some visual elements and their meaning gets expanded on later. I will, perhaps, elaborate or explain too much, but this is my house and I like to talk.
Part 1: What we see, what it is, what we're told
Let's start with the easy ones
First: Color and how it works
The first thing you notice is that there's only two colors beside the blacks and whites: Red, and blue.
For now
What matters about this, and forgive me for my lack of theory, is how it works with your attention. Everything is muted except the red parts and (partially) the hair. This will draw your eye to specific parts of her design, and you will remember it. This also makes the moments where she does open her eyes a bit more impactful because of the contrast.
It's important you remember these in specific because they all mean something. However, it's not only about what stands out, but also what doesn't.
The second easy part: The ABC Trio.
We all know the hair tie is an allusion to Carmen. It's important that it is not literally their elements, but they call to them. Carmen's hair tie isn't red, it has a red kkommi, but the tie itself isn't red.
Then immediately after we have the second red element: the neck tie, Benjamin's
Benjo does not get a full section because his visual influence is fairly short. The tie connects her to him, the tie is right over her chest, he is her first friend, he is involved in her programming, he is who advises her to be kind. Benjamin is signaling at her heart.
And finally, Ayin: the eyes and the general scheme
While they all have white lab coats, it's only Ayin who dresses in black like her.
There is one last red element: the shoes. This one is a little bit obvious but a little bit long. Project Moon loves their archetypes, and loves doing these little things. The Red Shoes are, well, alluding to The Red Shoes, which is very much in the game with its own twist.
In the classic tale, the protagonist is a vain little girl who chooses the dancing shoes over what is "appropriate" and "correct". Different characters seemingly "curse" the shoes to keep them dancing like she wants, regardless of her wishes once she starts disliking how much it gets in the way. Eventually she asks to get her feet cut off because she can't get the shoes off, but the shoes with the amputated feet continue to dance and haunt her. Only by being A Good Christian and praying she gets forgiven.
In the game, The Red Shoes has a slightly different approach but it does talk about a similar desire. The difference is that instead the user does not wish to take off the shoes but violently defends them. The Red Shoes is about uncontrollable obsession and being overwhelmed by desire, the shoes amplify your urges. Notably, it also points out determination as a useful virtue to wield it. Does it ring a bell?
The shoes subtly foreshadow this, that she will act rashly and be guided by desire at some point. You're supposed to make the connection with the abnormality (like in many other cases. Say, Snow Queen, Burrowing Heaven, Bloodbath), and then, note the differences between it and its inspiration as an archetype. Where does this desire lead? how does Library of Ruina end?
Now, I want to mention a couple of details before pivoting into something broader.
Her bangs are uneven, like Carmen's.
It is like that by design, not as a result of the side tail
The implication here is that Ayin had certain details in mind, and cared enough to keep that in specific. You learn about people by listening to what they say, and looking at what they look.
Additionally, it means the side tail was her doing. She put on that hair tie, and took it off. These things are important. I'll get there soon.
Okay but why does she look like that? Why a side tail if Carmen has a ponytail? what's the deal with robot boobs?
A character design is meant to do a lot of things, but as anything art, its primarily communicating. We've talked about how these colors and elements connect to other characters who are, in some form, her creators (Carmen indirectly so, but they're all the roots of her existence, like parents-), but there's more to talk about.
Part 2: The Hair
The Sky, Childish Innocence, and Death
First and foremost, her hair is a specific shade of blue that is repeatedly used in this game to allude to Death, Negation, and Justice
PALE
Pale is a type of conceptual damage like the rest of the colors (RED, WHITE and BLACK). PALE is notorious for damaging your very essence rather than something tangible, which translates to %HP damage against the player. PALE damage is, like the other three, also associated with a virtue and a work type, a method of interacting with abnormalities, that being Justice: The capacity to act decisively- Justice increases your movement speed and attack speed as a result- and Repression: negation of the meaning of existence, denying desires, purpose, and the self.
There's a popular theory that the 4 virtues, the 4 works, and the 4 damage types, are a way of unifying Dante Alighieri's usage of the virtues, concepts of psychology and treatment, and the Horsemen of the Apocalypse. While these are not expanded and it's hard to say if that was genuinely the intent, they have a sense of coherence with each other (Fortitude is physical prowess (HP) -> Instinct work is physiological needs -> RED damage is physical damage. Prudence is knowledge and the capacity to evaluate (SP) -> Insight work tends to environmental needs to appease the mind -> WHITE damage is mental damage. Temperance is self restraint (Work effectiveness) -> Attachment tends to social/emotional needs -> BLACK damage erodes the body and the mind. Justice is the capacity to act (speed) -> Repression work aggressively suppresses the meaning of an archetype -> PALE damage hurts your very essence).
Regardless if the damage types are meant to be the horsemen, PALE is strict, decisive, and ultimate. Ruina further associates PALE and Angela with death ("The Librarian of Death", "The Pale Librarian"), but Lobotomy Corporation already does that when Angela mentions the origin of her name: Angelos.
To make it very short, Angelos is a greek goddess who has influence over the realm of the dead. There's some associations between Angelos and Hecate, but it's not too important.
Angela is from her name to her role to her color to her context to her sequel surrounded by death.
Secondly, let's talk about the Sky
The color of my hair is that of the morning sky after a light shower.
To make it very short, this is about Carmen. Every fond memory of Carmen has her and Ayin out in the field, green pastures, and a clear blue sky. This background is her- plants, the sun, and the sky are Carmen. The very background of Da'at is the same scenery, but distorted with strange homes crashing into the ground.
We won't get into the meaning of this background here, but it's important that you understand THIS field is associated with Carmen in Ayin's mind, and that Angela's choice of words are not a coincidence (Consider the rest of the quote is "The tone and shape of my voice is taken from the wisest person in the world. Lastly, my face is picturesque of the person who had the most beautiful smile." And we know Carmen's desire to be known, and how everyone talked about her voice and smile).
Lastly,
An Innocent Desire
The side tail is cute, isn't it? Almost uncharacteristically so. Adults don't tend to wear side tails, those and pig tails are associated with children and their behaviors. Ayin didn't do it since she wakes up with her hair loose, so putting on the hair tie was her choice.
What does this say?
First, that she decided to draw a closer resemblance to Carmen, perhaps believing that way she is doing what is expected of her and will be rewarded, just like following the script, just like following Benjamin's advice on having a kind heart.
Second, that her approach to doing these things is of someone who is just starting to make any sort of decision. She does not have these notions of how to appropriately wear something, it is reminiscent of a small child putting on their parent's shoes.
Angela, when she just wakes up, despite knowing that Carmen is dead, despite being able to easily draw the conclusion that Ayin is emotionally devastated because they had a bond, cannot understand what's going on around her, and sheepishly asks Benjamin for answers. She doesn't know why Ayin behaves like that, why she exists, why the world feels wrong- she just wishes for some comfort, and the only thing she knows is Carmen's memories. She is a child in an adult mind and body, mimicking who is symbolically her mom and following the advice of who is in a way her dad, because it's her only notion of what existing entails.
Is it strange that a little girl would wear her hair up like a little girl?
Malkuth realization is painful about this characterization. Every single exchange is a kid trying to understand why her dad hates her, going back to her other dad to ask what can she do about it, and is told that she has to obey and do her best. She's quick on understanding the logic behind the script, but emotionally she's lost.
The hair is this part of her character. The last innocent hope that doing what she's told and working will net her the approval of what is a parental figure, what should be an example, safety, and comfort. It's in contrast with her cynical speech and exhaustion, with that anger hidden behind a veneer of corporate politeness.
But we know how that plays out, don't we?
Part 3: Carmen didn't look like that
Anyone with minimal observation skills can tell this. The resemblance is spotty- it is there! But only in some aspects. Like I said, we can learn from someone from what they talk about and what details they pay attention to. We can also learn from what details they avoid.
Carmen's outfit is mostly practical except for the skirt, but it doesn't draw any attention. She stands firmly and confident, is known for being a loud and bright presence, and having a really messy work space, as well as the messy ponytail and slightly unkempt hair.
Angela is wearing a pencil skirt, tights, red high heels, formal shirt with a formal vest, and has her hair tidy.
Carmen is really skinny.
Angela has the very notorious chest (that, importantly, her posture accentuates) and apparently more leg meat.
The reasoning is simple
She's not to be a replacement, but to be of comfort. However, this very action by itself is the last bastardization of the memory of Carmen. He took her face and voice and glued it into a big titty doll on a sexy outfit. Ayin did not do this in sound mind, Angela's first words were a reminder that this was something real that he did with his own hands, it was a slap that woke him up from that work stupor, and the result was visceral disgust and rejection- he hated himself.
It's important to understand as well that Angela's role despite being a metaphorical daughter is to be motherly- she is to take care of him and his emotions not the other way around. This happens regardless of his rejection in other ways, in how she has to dance around him and his feelings in order to get him to do what the script demands, in a twisted sense of nurture.
This is again another distortion of motherhood. The other is, as you have guessed, Carmen: the mother of all abnormalities, the woman who lost her adoptive child, the one with the crashing homes.
While we could associate her sexualized appearance again with death and its counterpart fertility (hint: Hecate. Hint again: in Ruina her coat has wheat patterns, associated with this same idea), it is not something that stays like the hair color, her role, and other symbolism- the sexualization stops the moment she ditches the desire to be acknowledged (don't worry, THE WHOLE FANDOM will discuss her tits, you will hear about this change against your will. A lot). This uh voluptuousness is associated with motherhood and emotional care, and- well I mean the guy had more than just a desire for comfort, right? we all played Silent Hill 2.
Part 4: Innocuous
Lobotomy Corporation is very good at playing with expectations and then pulling the rug on you. It describes itself in terms of other things (like SCP) and presents itself with familiar tropes and a particular type of humor. Anyone in the indie games scene and being online knows this kind of tone.
The initial impression is that these are just characters in suits, the story is satire on corporate cruelty, and nothing is particularly deep- Wouldn't it be funny if SCP exploited the creatures for profit rather than protection? Let's make it funnier by keeping the robots safe while people die, let's lean in by giving the robots mental illness. You're just a poor guy with your cold and corporate sexy AI assistant that sasses at you and Amazon Training Video's at you about dying for the company.
You're meant to take it at face value at the start. Angela is superficially tropey as hell, you will not blink twice at AI sexy assistant, we live in a world with AI girlfriends on your phone. Nothing about her appearance is special, it's literally anime hair cute sexy girl in formal wear.
They are very deliberate about this like every other rug pull. She's just appealing, you know? no meaning behind her appearance.
Part 5: Details and Ruina
Her Ruina designs (specifically the raven outfit and the librarian outfit) build off of her Lobotomy Corporation outfit. She cuts down her hair, conceals herself with more death, and then, dresses in something of her choice.
The librarian fit ditches the tight skirt, the demure pose, and the accentuation of her chest. She is comfortable, first and foremost, and her standing square with her arms to her side present her not as strong necessarily, but definitely not submissive.
The coat is adorned with wheat, a common symbol related to the harvest. Persephone, for example, is associated with the changing of seasons (spring specifically), harvest, and death.
Her new hair instead of alluding to Carmen resembles Ayin, but not entirely. It has a slight resemblance to Benjamin as well.
Ruina will present both Carmen and Benjamin as guiding parental figures with their own ideals, methods, and flaws, but now Angela is in the emotional realm of "young traumatized adult". She behaves like a volatile teenager throughout Ruina because she's emotionally there- she's gone through a lot but never got to grow emotionally, she's stunted, even if she has changed in other ways.
Conclusion:
There isn't one singular cohesive point. I'm writing this to explain the ways (that I noticed) PM used visual elements to design her in functions of first impression, storytelling, characterization, and cohesive thematic connections with the rest of the story.
I think it's mainly limbus players who mischaracterize binah like that? Garion shows up in a story. I haven't played it myself - "grandma deserves to be shot" is all I've heard on the subject.
I may be biased because I have no clue how you could think that way if you've played Ruina. Her characterization there is aloof and slightly playful, but unflinching. She understands what's going on better than anyone, and does not look away any longer. I got the impression she saw herself in angela, and it's a piece of why she sided with her
Additionally, her sadism comes off sorta aloof? Almost like she's enjoying it for what it is. That separation from her (sense of) self, along with recognition that the cycle is not inevitable is heavily implied to be what let her manifest EGO
I've seen LC/LoR players say these things, I don't really go into limbus spaces. Things like how she didn't regret anything and such.
My response is that she's accepted it. Acceptance is all over her character and theming. Like, what, do you want her to look at the camera and say "I'm sorry, everyone"?
I'll put my angebinah brainworms on the side for now, but Binah's theming around the shadow in LC are huge.
She is fear. She is someone who not only is the embodiment of the ultra oppressive and overwhelming force of the state, she's also someone who's done it and seen it all, she's very aware of how bad she can be. At the same time, she's the sephirah of Extraction, her job is extracting shadow archetypes, she HAS to gaze into the collective human unconscious unfiltered (something that drives anyone mad), and she just takes it. I've heard it said that she's the idea of a perfect assimilation of the shadow, and it makes sense. She's taken her own shadow and that of humanity as a collective, and just accepted it as real.
Her big issue, her qliphah, is refusal to change. It's stagnation. Things are the way they are and they can't get better. Her core suppression is being shown that's not true, that things can change. "The Eye Facing the Fear, Breaking the Cycle", yeah?
So, Binah in Ruina is still those things, she's just not a bitter resentful piece of shit anymore, she is the embodiment of Binah as Understanding, as comprehension, as Thought.
When Roland brings up her past as Garion, she goes "yeah, that was me, but that's not me today". Yknow her mention of Epoché. See things as they are. She's not denying anything, she's in full acceptance of it, she understands that taints the ways people see her (her conversation with Hod and Gebura), but she also crucially understands that's not THIS version of her.
I find her character fascinating for a lot of reasons, but I love the way her handling of her past is portrayed. It -looks- like bullshit, it -looks- like she just did all that for free, but just like she asks what makes Ayin's torture more acceptable than her behavior, you have to ask: does someone have to be punished? what does punishment does if they already changed? What makes cruelty righteous?
Does Binah -need- to prostrate herself for the audience? why? Does she need to be punished? who benefits from this?
As for the brainworms-
The way I understand her inner workings might not be true, but it makes sense to me. Binah choosing to side with Angela, I think, has the immediate factor of "this is how change continues to happen" which is her deal after her CS, and it follows her declaration that she will observe Ayin's actions to the end. This, too, is the consequences of his decisions.
Where I think it gets personal is after the fact, because like I've said before, Binah shows a gentleness towards Angela she doesn't show anyone else. I can't say if that intent was there from the start, but I can say it's there afterwards.
I think Binah cares about her because Angela embodies this fundamental shift in her understanding of people (something central to her character, to her very sephirah) and then this change is necessary for the City to change as well. Part of breaking down the oppressive structures that bind people into separate casts is getting rid of this "humanist" view that creates hierarchies in the first place.
There's details we can grab to make it more personal, like how they were both dehumanized in their roles, how they were "acceptable sacrifices" for the good of all, being The Other of the group, being The enemy. They're both following imagery of black feathered birds, golden binds, and death.
-but I think "humanity" as a center thesis is stronger. She was an Arbiter of these definitions, she had her humanity (on those terms, and others, like her physicality and autonomy) stripped away, then she reclaimed her person casting those ideas away.
Angela never got to be part of those definitions, and she sees her chasing these ideals that are just strictly not for people like her, and gently tries to suggest otherwise. Reminiscent of seeing a baby queer struggle to navigate gender and sexuality.
It's like they started in opposite side of the field, and the answer isn't in said field at all- you have to leave.
If Angela doesn't understand this, Binah playfully calls it out
Angela's smug remark sounds like she gets it, but she doesn't- it's an excuse.
But, if they do, Angela basically says what Binah brings up with Roland: who gets to define what is and isn't people? why is "not people" the enemy? what makes it dangerous?
I'd kill to see interactions post-game. I need to see them talk. I need to have tea with Binah in real life. She's great.
