Aug 3, 2019
collection of drawings of squads ft @lesbian--susie‘s mack [most ref images from @draw-your-ocs-as]
seen from Poland
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seen from United States
seen from United States
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collection of drawings of squads ft @lesbian--susie‘s mack [most ref images from @draw-your-ocs-as]
Broadcast: Angelo Divine, 01/09/19
[Live a Little Kenny Chesney]
Angelo: Good morning Kepler, that was Kenny Chesney’s “Live A Little,” and what a mood to start the morning on! This is 103.5 KPLR radio, and we’ll get to the news after this word from our sponsor.
[Audio advertisement transcript: [haunting orchestral music] Have you ever heard a true story that couldn’t possibly be real? Or maybe seen something you couldn’t believe with your own two eyes? No? [music cuts off] Then you’re not living, my friend! Come on down to the Cryptonomica, we have centuries of hidden knowledge of the arcane and the mystical! Stories beyond suspicion, creatures beyond compare! We’re just off State Route 16055. The Cryptonomica: a museum for the mysterious.]
Angelo: Big thanks to the Cryptonomica for sponsoring us this week! And don’t forget to check out the Lamplighter, this week’s issue talks about Krampus and the history of goat creatures in horror. It’s a really good read even if you’re not into the supernatural side of it. Now let’s get to the news. Traffic is as uneventful as ever, and weather reports say we’re looking at clear skies for the rest of the week. Do be sure to watch out for ice on the roads, though. It’s still pretty chilly, so be sure to grab a coat before you head to work. There’s not a long going on this week, that cold weather is kinda pushing everyone inside, but the Kepler Cup is running down the last of their Christmas stock so be sure to get all that before it’s gone. I myself have a peppermint mocha right here, actually, it’s keeping me warm while I wait for the heater to get going. Let’s get back to the tunes! This is “I Want A Cowboy” by Reba McEntire.
[I Want A Cowboy Reba McEntire] [Take Me Home, Country Roads John Denver] [Personal Jesus Johnny Cash] [Islands in the Stream Kenny Rogers and Dolly Parton]
Alright, since there isn’t so much official news today, why don’t we look into some of the more extraordinary stuff? If any of you saw something noteworthy, why don’t you call in and tell me about it? Oh! Here we go. You’re on the air!
Caller: You know, I thought I saw Bigfoot but I got a bit closer and it turned out it was just Barclay from the lodge. He’s so ******* big . I asked him what he was doing in the woods and he said he likes night walks, and honestly yeah same I was doing a night walk too. And I said “Hey Barclay! Holy ****! I thought you were Bigfoot!” And then he choked on his own spit or something. I think he found it pretty funny. He was laughing a lot? I think? Anyway like holy ****! It’s so weird, he’s so tall and hairy, how many times have people seen Barclay and thought he was Bigfoot? How many sightings are just Barclay?
Angelo: Oh yeah, I wonder. Seems like half the sightings around here turn out to just be someone from town! What a strange place Kepler is. We’re still taking callers, if anyone else has any noteworthy sightings to report. Oh, looks like we got one! Hey!
Caller: Hello! It's great to be on the show, big fan! I ran into one a' those... Whaddya call it, hoke-mons? Okie-bombs? Somethin' like that. Saw a big monstrous lookin' one down in the park. Crazy what y'all can do with all them new-fangled technologies these days. Also Richard, if you're listenin', I love you!
Angelo: It’s great to have you! You might have seen a Pokémon, maybe? Strange that you would see one, uh, out and about. Maybe I’ll have to go down to the park sometime and check it out. Thanks for the info! Anyone else?
Caller: Angelo! Hey, Bonnie here, and I’m in the mood to be scared! You got any ghost stories?
Angelo: Well, uh, usually it’s y’all giving me the ghost stories, but I’ll do my best. [papers rustling] Here we go. This isn’t so much a story as a sort of summary, but I’ll read off my notes on the Nachtkrapp, an old Germanic bird monster. Shoutout to my coworker for helping me translate the information on this, not sure how he knows Old High German but we all have our hobbies, right? Anyways, the Nachtkrapp or “Night Raven” is described as a large raven, roughly the same size as an adult man, who acts as a boogeyman-type figure to scare children into going to sleep. In some versions of the legend, it imitates a human scream to either terrify them or lure them outside. In others, it has holes in its wings and no eyes, and just looking at the creature could make you sick or even kill you. There aren’t any recorded sightings of the creature as far as I can tell, but who knows? There’s a lot of area in northwestern Europe, it could be out there somewhere. Thanks so much to everyone who called in, but my producer says we gotta wrap this segment up. Hold onto those stories though, ‘cause I’m here every weekday and I love hearing them. This song up next is “Thank God I’m A Country Boy” by John Denver.
[Thank God I’m A Country Boy John Denver] [High Note Mavis Staples] [God’s Gonna Cut You Down Johnny Cash] [A Working Man Can’t Get Nowhere Today Merle Haggard]
Angelo: Some excellent songs on the rotation this week, though I might be biased. Anyways, it’s time for what I’m sure is everyone’s favorite, Angelo’s Advice Hour. As usual, if you’re in need of some advice, call in! As a certified expert I can and will solve your problems for you.
[Disclaimer: Angelo Divine is not qualified to answer most questions definitively. All answers are purely conjecture and Angelo Divine is not liable for any negative results that may come from following his advice.]
Angelo: We got our first caller! Hello, listener!
Caller: What should I do if I have a crush on one of my sisters friends?
Angelo: Aw, I’ve been there. I mean, it really depends on how well you know that person. If you’re friends or you think they might like you back, definitely go the “secret relationship” route. Not because you should lie to your sister, but because it is very fun. If you don’t know them too well or they don’t know you enough, get your sister to introduce you! Unless your sister is a jerk, in which case you should definitely be obnoxious about it. Hope that answers your conundrum! Who’s next?
Caller: I think I might have joined a gang? How do I say I don’t want to join but I like the jacket?
Angelo: The classic “accidentally joined a gang” problem. Those Hornets are wily, huh? Here’s what I’ll say: stick with it for a little bit, and you might have fun, I dunno, I have no idea what kids are doing these days. If you don’t like it still, stop wearing the jacket and hide it away so they can’t steal it back, and then just kinda ghost on ‘em. They’ll definitely find you, but it should buy you some time to come up with a good excuse. It’s a great plan.
Caller: I’m stuck on the roof, can you help me?
Angelo: I know who this is and the answer is: you know I can’t. Also you aren’t stuck. Get down before station management goes looking for you. Consider that my official advice.
Caller: So, uh, listen, I know this isn’t really your thing, but your coworker, uh, Rob was his name? Whoever does the overnight. He mentioned that he was looking for someone, and I think I can help him.
Angelo: Oh, uh, alright, I’ll— listen, come by the station when you can, if I’m not here then Rob definitely will be. Does anyone out there have actual advice questions?
Caller: Yeah, so, uh, I got a lotta people coming through my store, and I try to be real friendly, but I’m gettin’ old and I can’t remember everyone’s names. Do you have any tips for remembering names?
Angelo: Yeah, for sure! I’m still getting the hang of everyone’s names here at the station, haha. The trick is associating that person with something, so when you see that thing you remember their name. Like my coworker J— Rob, he’s got this cool jacket so when I see his jacket I think “that’s Rob!” It doesn’t always work, sometimes you end up calling him “jacket guy” but it’s better than not addressing them at all! I do think that’s it for today, folks, my airtime’s almost up, so let me leave you with “Jolene” by Dolly Parton.
[Jolene Dolly Parton]
who's angelo friends/friendly with in town besides his fellow co-workers?
he’s friends with a few people! he grew up with jane, bc their respective older siblings were bffs before they were even born, but since she’s off doing stuff so often they don’t get to talk that much. he’s also friends with kirby, they like to talk about cryptid stuff (and kirby is a regular on angelo’s podcast but that’s a whole other story lmao). and angelo is friends with some of the other keplerian ocs, including bonnie and mack. he and ned are kinda friends, ned has been on the podcast as well. and really, angelo grew up in kepler, so he knows all the locals well enough to make small talk. thanks for the question!