The Fear of Death can bring up plenty of emotions It’s part of why the Fear of Death is, well, impactful.
Outside of the anxiety, there is Anger. That’s the one I’d like to discuss first, and we’ll explore others, hopefully finding a way to remind you that happiness is, also, a part of this.
Anger comes from questions and thoughts like these: “It isn’t fair!”, “If I die at this point, I won’t get to experience these things!”, “Why does this person get to live this long and I might not?”, “Why does it have to be like this?”, “But I never accomplished this!”, and on and on.
It usually stems from a sense of things being “unfair”, with life being too short, other people being granted more of life, missed experiences, or things left unaccomplished. Death concludes all stories.
Focusing on the anger, and the cause of it, does have its benefits. It highlights: who you may not like, who you feel in competition with, what you want to accomplish, what you cannot accomplish, and things of that nature.
With the people you may not like, or may feel in competition with (”Why do they get to live longer?”, “Why aren’t they experiencing similar pain?”), you can learn to better focus your thoughts away from them, and remember that you are doing different things in life, and you should not allow their path to determine yours too much, if it is bogged down in anger and resentment.
It also gives you opportunity to explore why it is you hate them so much. In the case of personal wrongs, that may be obvious, but in the case of distant hatred, like of politicians, it can help to solidify what you like and value, and help you to create a social group of people who share such values. It will help you learn what people you want in your life.
Now, a friendly rivalry is something else, and not to be confused with this. Friendly rivalries can be mutually beneficial.
Competition born of anger and resentment is another matter entirely. For example, one can think of Xena and Callisto from that old TV Show, Xena. Callisto reviled Xena, she spent her entire life trying to be better than Xena, and it led to her death (and subsequent revival as a goddess, but we’re not here for that). Her anger never let her grow into having a life where she could be happy and fulfilled.
Anger born of the thought of life being unfair, of missed opportunities, is a way to begin to make plans to accomplish what you can, and give up what you can’t. I know the latter is hard. Letting go of dreams, is hard. I would love to live for 500 years, and see how VR video games advance, I would love to see what stories we have in the future, but I can’t. It’s unfair. It’s so terribly unfair -- even if, of course, it’s exactly what is normal, and in no way unfair.
It feels unfair, because I am special, and I deserve to see these things, to know these things, and experience these things, damnit!
It would be unfair if I were to die in 10 years, at the age of 40 -- when I should have at least been allowed to grow to 70, to 80, to 90 -- to ages humans typically live to.
There will never be a time it is “fair” to perish.
Acknowledging it, though, has led to good changes. It means I have finite time to do things like get in shape for cosplays (and health), visit Disney, and much else. It also makes it clear that I will, unlikely, live long enough to travel the entire world and see EVERYTHING I would like to, so I have to instead plan accordingly to what I can accomplish, and prioritize them.
Anger has its uses -- it will help you determine who is good in your life, and what you want out of it. Use that anger.
