I love your writing! I was wondering if you could do some angst where the reader had been childhood friends with Dimitri, etc. and had always been close to him, was very kind/bubbly, etc. during their monastery school days but after the time skip they've become very cold, and calculated and just kind of scary/angry because she realized that the way she was before was weaker and too trusting of others. (you don't have to do this if it's a lot/hard, also have a nice day
{Aw thank you, and this isn’t any problem.}
༓ʚ Snowstorm ɞ༓
Summary: Personal growth isn’t always the best.
“What happened to you.” Dimitri didn’t mean to blunt it out, regretting it immediately as your body stiffened. “I could ask the same about you.” You had all but hissed out, a silent suggestion to drop it. You changed and he doesn’t know what caused it. But he saw it. He lived it. Hiding within the shadows, avoiding the light.
You were hiding from everything, scared of it, and lashing out like a terrified child. You used to be so different in the days of Officers Academy. You could find the best in a situation. You had the gift of making people smile or laugh. You were the definition of happiness and hope.
But something changed and he doesn’t know how to help. Dimitri was like this not so long ago, although there were people to help him. As he watched you, taking notice of the scars and guarded expression, Dimitri wondered if anyone was there for you.
“I’ve never been a good person.” Your words destroyed the train of thought and focus, bringing his attention to you instead. “I used to be,” answered with a bitter scoff, “Or at least tried. But after the war started. After you disappeared,” you turned to meet his eye, “I realized that I was weak and being a good girl couldn’t stop death.”
Your words and stares were like a knife of guilt, stabbing and twisting him in the gut. “That didn’t make you weak,” Dimitri said as you scoffed in return, “You don’t know that.” “Neither do you.” His response was so fast. So certain. So confident in tone that you didn’t even know how to respond. You looked away with a lowering stare and a clenched jaw, both a sign of submission and aggression. As if conflicted on how to respond.
Once the silence set in, a coldness took over that chilled Dimitri down to the ache of his bones. He wondered if it was colder here between him and you than the snowstorm outside. As he eye caught a short glance of your shivering form, Dimitri knew that the chillness wasn’t affecting him alone. Unsure of how to break the tension, Dimitri goes to apologize but you spoke first.
“I have nightmares,” arms crossed as a way to keep the cold away and your guard up, “about when they told us you died.” Dimitri turned to you in surprise while you stared out the window, watching the violent snowstorm. “I’ll wake up in a cold sweat and reach out for you.” You turn to him this time, yet no expression is given.
“Every time I think that maybe if I move fast enough, I could save you.” He didn’t know how to describe the tone in your voice or the look in your eyes. But it hurt Dimitri to see the change in you, “Yet every night I’m alone.” You spoke tired, the dark circles suddenly became noticeable. You look just like him a year ago.
“I’m sorry.” Dimitri didn’t know how to reply any other way. He didn’t know any other way to express his guilt, remorse, sorrow. All Dimitri knew how to do was apologize. “I’m not,” you answered, swiftly standing up and walking to the doorframe, “I’m not that weak little girl anymore.” Those were your last words before leaving.
Daniel was silent as he continued to stare at the wall that his bed was pressed up against for a moment more, before he rolled over and turned his attention to one of the cabin windows. It only took him a few seconds of thought before he decided a walk was necessary.
The night air felt cool against his face as he made his way to the edge of the campgrounds. He wouldn’t stray beyond it, and he could definitely feel that sensation of being watched he had grown used to surrounding him as he took a seat, but he wasn’t going to budge.
If He was going to pull anything tonight (he wasn’t, but Daniel had no knowledge of that), His plans would be quickly thwarted unless he somehow had another bear trap to snap the new ankle bracelet around Daniel’s leg. Daniel wasn’t in danger of being killed either. He wouldn’t go through all that effort just to give up and kill him.
His old life outside the campgrounds, wandering the woods where Daniel could not see. His new life within the grounds...
With a sigh, Daniel stared back towards the camp. Toeing the line between the two worlds, in a sense.
And not really feeling like he truly belonged on either side.
He never wanted to go back to the life in the village, that much he knew. But as of late, he was starting to wonder if it was the only life he deserved.
He didn’t fit in with the others at the camp, and he never would. He could try and try again to actually do something right for once, but of course he’d fail. Of course he’d do the completely wrong, idiotic thing that only drove them further away from him. He would always fail at being a good person. It was simply a fact.
But you’re going to try again, a voice said inside him. Because you selfishly want to stay here with all of them. You want to make them happy. You want to be better because of them.
But I don’t want to be better, another voice said. I don’t want to be better, and I can never be better even if I wanted to be. I will always be who I am, so why fight that fact?
...Why pretend and put them through all that misery?
Daniel shook his head and shifted his focus to the road at the end of the driveway, trying desperately to ignore the twinge of pain in his gut while his mind drifted back to the village.
Would returning be so bad? He was desperate enough to spend all his time out in the woods, just waiting for Daniel to change his mind and come home. What if he did?
...No, that was even worse to think about. He would never change, but he had changed enough to know that life outside the village was definitely better than life within.
Daniel sighed heavily and closed his eyes, as if by some miracle that would just shut off his thoughts for a bit. So many thoughts, but none he wanted to think about for long periods of time.
(Also found on AO3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16091072)
Missing.
Yuri Lowell was missing. Had to be missing because the only other logical thought would be that he was - was one that absolutely no one could entertain.
No, he was simply missing. Had been missing ever since the fight with Alexei at the top of Zaude. It had been utter chaos after all as the Adephagos had appeared in the sky. The core crashing down, killing Alexei. Smoke billowing everywhere. They had all run to the right. All except Yuri, who had moved left. The debris and smoke had rushed all around them, they hadn’t seen until it was too late. Until Yuri was…
Missing.
Because when the debris had cleared he wasn’t there at all. He most certainly hadn’t been crushed because his body wasn’t there. Nothing was there.
Had the force of core shattering against the top of Zaude thrown him over the edge? No one had heard him yell, though. But maybe he had been unconscious. Or they just hadn’t heard him. It had been hard to hear anything right after the crash, their ears ringing. So that had to have been it. Yuri had simply fallen and they hadn’t heard him.
He had only fallen from the top of Zaude, into the churning waters below. He could survive from that high a fall, right? He couldn’t be-
Missing.
Yuri Lowell was simply missing and that was why they had to search.
Judy had directed Ba’ul around the Tower of Zaude, looking for any trace of his descent and when that didn’t pan out, had Brave Vesperia members dropped off along every coast they could find. Because surely he had washed up and was just waiting for them to find him. They would find Yuri and he would wave his hand around, asking “What took you so long?”
Except that didn’t work.
Flynn took ships out to look. Once, twice, three times until it started to blur together. Still no one gave up the search because they would find Yuri. After all, he was simply-
Missing.
Time had passed. Days bled into weeks, weeks into months.
The conflict between the Guilds and the Empire was increasing though. With Heracles and then Zaude, it was bound to happen. Raven and Karol were the first to depart, hoping they could ease the tensions. Ioder worried about this as well, causing Flynn to stop searching. Rita asked Judith to go back to Zaude as there was a lot to study; she agreed, taking Rita there and leaving Estelle and Repede to carry on the search. And search they would because Yuri was still out there, still waiting for them to find him.
Yuri would want them to do everything they could after all. The Adephagos still looms over the world, a threat to everyone. And he’ll want to join in, help them as soon as he’s able to. Because he’s out there. He has to be. Even after all that time, he wasn't dead. Yuri was simply -
John spending every moment with Sherlock when he was in the hospital.
John holding Sherlock’s hand as he falls asleep at his bedside, eyes red and luffy from exhaustion and crying.
John demanding against the will of the Nurse, Doctors, and Security guard to stay with Sherlock past visiting hours
John asking Sherlock every three seconds if he needed anything.
John, for the first time, running his fingers through Sherlock’s curls, brushing them away from his forehead, reminiscing over how long he’d wanted to do it, but not like this. Never like this
Everything has something to live for. Maybe it's something like 'I want to find a cure for cancer' or 'I want to expose the injustice in the system'. Or it's maybe something more personal like 'I want to find someone who will love me as I will them.' Or it's something as simple as 'I want to just live and experience everything.'
I'm not like that.
I can't be happy. I've tried and I can't. I don't want to be like this for the rest of my life. I don't want to just sit here, watching each day go by.
There is something wrong with me. Maybe it's a severed or even an underdeveloped area in my head. I don't want it. The only reason why I'm still standing here is because I have to. It's as simple as that.
I don't have a choice. I don't want to be that person that people think back to often and ask "Why?" I don't want to be that person that causes people pain every time they think back to me.
This is my sole reason for living: so that I will stop causing the people I love pain.
Maybe this is completely misguided and I'm completely self-centered, but this is me.
31 December 2009.
-----
She slumped over the moment that she finished writing it. Here it was, a confession, written down for the world to see. She had never told anyone else. Just seeing it in a tangible form before her caused bile to creep up her throat and the panic creep in the edges of her mind.
Control it. Don't let it control you.
With shaking fingers, she folded the paper two times and placed it in the ashtray. After standing there for what seemed like hours, thumbing the cheap plastic lighter, she finally flicked the wheel and held it up to the corner.
The moment she did that, something passed over her. It was one part elation, two parts relief, and the total awareness that she wouldn't be able to express what she just did ever again.
Oh hell naw. Tooth's feathers ruffled at the sight of a trail of black sand on the palace floor. Her eyes snapped up, flaring angrily and expecting to see Pitch again until- "San..dy?" Tooth's jaw slackened at the sight of her good companion, uhm, Pitchified. She blinked rapidly, letting her shoulders slump slightly as she neared carefully, not believing. "Oh, Sandy." She mumbled sadly. Was he alright?
