it kills me to think of you (with another man) - day one
@mysme-events
jumin x mc
rating: T
prompt: {jealousy} / nightmares / manipulation
warnings: none♡
word count: 2,838
ao3 link
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Jumin hears something he shouldn't have and assumes the worst.
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“I’m so sorry!” Yoosung cried over the phone, making her snicker as she glanced up at Zen. She’d put the call on speaker about halfway through, so he was able to hear every apology that came out of Yoosung’s mouth.
“It’s okay, really,” she replied with a warm laugh, smiling at the thought of his blonde hair sticking up and his eyes wide with panic. “We can meet up another day. For now, just make sure you get a good meal and don’t stress too much,” she told him, glancing down at the pavement as she heard a defeated sigh from his end.
“Get going already!” Zen whined, flashing her a playful smile when they both heard Yoosung groan in protest.
“Whatever. I’ll talk to you later,” he sighed, hanging up quickly. She glared a little at Zen, watching him chuckle as she returned her phone to her back pocket.
“Poor thing,” she said, mostly to herself. Yoosung had slept through his alarm, missing his early morning class and running late to their lunch meetup.
Zen scoffed, turning to walk in the direction of the cafe they’d agreed on. She followed, hearing the annoyance in just that small sound but knowing that he was just as worried about Yoosung.
“He needs to learn how to wake up on time or he’ll never grow up,” he grumbled, pulling his sunglasses down from resting on his head as the sun peeked out from behind the clouds. She smirked to herself, tilting her head to watch his face as they walked.
“Says the guy who drinks so much beer that he’s practically made of it,” she teased, watching his jaw drop in mock offense.
“Alcohol is for adults. That boy is not an adult,” he replied, keeping the scowl on his face for a few seconds more until he broke down into a smile. She nudged him a little as they walked, laughing happily to herself. She was glad that everyone in the RFA cared for each other so much, even if they didn’t always show it.
Just as they arrived at the small cafe, she caught a glimpse of a nearby newspaper stand. Her fiancé’s face was on the cover of all the magazines, and she was sure they were all talking about the big business deal that was going on behind the scenes at C&R. She’d been trying to put all of it out of her mind, and lunch with Yoosung and Zen had been another effort to do so.
As the two of them ate, they talked about Zen’s upcoming musical role and about the work she was doing to prepare for the next scheduled RFA party. Lunch was delicious and filling, but she couldn’t stop worrying about Jumin. He’d been buried in work for weeks, and she knew that day would be no different. His energy was completely gone by the time he returned home, and she knew it was wearing on him more and more as the days passed.
“You know,” Zen spoke up, pulling her from her thoughts while her chin rested in her hand. She blinked at him quickly, embarrassed to have zoned out during their conversation.
“I’ve found that acting helps you forget what’s going on in real life,” he said, raising an eyebrow at her like he was proposing something. She narrowed her eyes in response, sitting back in her chair. Zen had always been able to easily read her, but she was sure anyone would have been able to tell that her mind was miles away.
“What are you trying to say?” she teased, watching as he crumpled the napkin resting on his thigh and tossed it onto his empty plate.
“I’m saying,” he started, his expression shifting into one she was more familiar with. “That coming back to my place to help me rehearse my lines would probably help get your mind off of it,” he offered, clasping his hands together when she sighed and rolled her eyes. He was always ready to beg for her help, even if he was joking most of the time. But she could tell that he was really worried about her, so she considered it.
“The CEO-in-line won’t be home for hours. Just a few scenes?” he pleaded. She weighed his statement, knowing it was true. He probably wouldn’t return home until the later hours of the evening, and it was only early afternoon. Zen sighed, giving her an overdramatic pout that broke her facade and made her laugh.
“Fine,” she agreed, seeing him happily fist pump at his side which made her roll her eyes again.
They walked back to his house from the cafe and enjoyed the nice, spring day, all while Zen filled her in on the finer details of his show. She’d heard a lot about it already, but he also focused on informing her about the character she would be playing. She couldn’t see herself getting too into it, but if it would help him, she was willing to give it a shot.
Her mind continually drifted back to her fiancé, worrying about his stamina and state of mind. She also debated about mentioning her change of plans to him. She’d never said how long she would be out with Yoosung and Zen, but she figured Jumin would want to know if she was going to be somewhere other than where she’d originally planned.
But it was Zen’s house. She knew he would be opposed to it, whether he vocalized it or not, and bothering him when he was busy with such important work was the last thing she wanted to do. It all made the phone in her back pocket feel heavier, but she tried to calm herself by reasoning that she wouldn’t be there for very long.
She’d only been to Zen’s apartment on a few rare occasions, but it felt homey and comfortable every time. She sat down on the couch, and Zen went to freshen up, leaving her to research a few acting tips on her phone while she waited. She knew he didn’t expect her to be naturally talented, but she didn’t want to embarrass herself either.
The door to the bathroom opened behind her, making her jump a little and shove her phone into her back pocket without thinking to turn the screen off.
“Ready?” Zen asked, chuckling a little as he moved to sit next to her and saw the panic in her eyes. He handed her the script, waiting expectantly for her answer.
“I guess,” she nervously laughed, completely unaware of the number she’d accidentally dialed in her back pocket.
~~~~~
Jumin’s phone vibrated irritatingly against the wood of his desk, disrupting his thoughts completely. He pinched the bridge of his nose, dimming the brightness of his computer monitor as he reached across his desk to retrieve his phone.
When he saw her caller ID, the tension in his shoulders and neck released, and he was left with a warm, excited feeling. Everything would be alright if he could just hear her voice.
“My love,” he greeted, leaning into the hand that held his phone to his ear as his tired eyes fluttered closed. But he was met with silence, making his eyebrows furrow on his forehead.
“Hello?” he called, listening carefully and hearing what sounded like rustling paper.
“Go ahead,” he heard suddenly. The voice was muffled, but when he remembered her lunch plans with Yoosung and Zen, he placed the voice as belonging to the latter of the two.
“This marriage...this arrangement,” she spoke, making him sit up a little straighter and listen harder. What was she talking about? Why wasn’t she answering him?
“Hello?” he tried again, listening intently for a reply.
“It’s not what I want!” she exclaimed, her voice pained and awkward. Jumin tried to think clearly even as his heart started to race, wondering if she’d called him without knowing.
“Then why are you doing it?” Zen asked. He tried to focus on being rational, but when he realized they were talking about their engagement, his blood ran cold.
“I have no choice! I feel so...trapped,” she responded. Jumin felt a wave of nausea crash over him, the weight of her words hitting him unexpectedly hard. He couldn’t help the anguished, shaky sigh that left his lips, his mind aching to know more even though he wished to have never picked up the phone.
“You’re the one I love. It’s always been you,” she spoke passionately. He could have sworn he felt his heart tear itself into pieces, a trembling hand reaching up to press against his chest.
“I hoped that you felt the same, but...what about him?” Zen asked, prompting the hand that held Jumin’s phone to his ear to slowly fall to his desk. He ended the call, knowing that he’d heard enough.
Jumin stared at the pile of work in front of him, absently wondering if he’d ever felt such a tight, strangling feeling in his throat before. And when a tear rolled down his cheek, he almost laughed at how ridiculous he felt.
For a few moments, he was furious with himself. He’d known better than to follow in his father’s footsteps, but he’d been blind. She’d blinded him. His heart had become hers so quickly, so completely, because he’d thought she would be different.
After those moments passed, his anger was redirected, and his hand found his phone again. He burst out of his office, knowing that things needed to be dealt with swiftly for the sake of the company. He couldn’t waste any more time.
Driver Kim asked no questions as he drove to Zen’s apartment complex, and Jumin ignored every call from Jaehee, declining them as they came. His teeth were grinding together so harshly that part of him feared his teeth would shatter. The tension in his clenched fists only grew as he imagined what the two of them were saying, or doing, as he grew nearer.
Jumin silently got out of the car once they’d arrived in front of the apartment building. He hadn’t anticipated the trembling in his legs or his hands, but he worked to make his stride purposeful and swift. He felt as if he would fall apart at any moment, but there was no time for that.
Four swift raps on Zen’s door sent his heart into a frenzy once more, and he realized only then that he would see her within seconds. Her face, her lips, her eyes, her smile. But he’d already chosen to give all of her up. She didn’t truly care for him anyway.
Zen had no smile for him as the door swung open, only an expression of confusion. Seeing the man in front of him sparked something that he’d never felt before, but he tried to contain it because he could easily see himself barreling his fist into Zen’s face.
And he might have gone through with doing so if she hadn’t popped out from behind him with the brightest smile he’d seen all day.
“Jumin!” she exclaimed, pushing past Zen and rushing to his side. She gazed up at him happily, but the look he met her with stopped her in her tracks.
“Jumin?” she asked, her voice small. His eyes returned to Zen as he felt the tips of his ears burn with anger.
“I know what’s going on,” he growled, his voice coming out much lower than he’d anticipated. Zen glared in response, looking irritatingly clueless.
“You do?” she asked beside him, her hands pressing against his upper arm and distracting him. But that only made him angrier, so he stepped away from her, trying not to acknowledge the pang of guilt that shot through him when her face fell.
“You still don’t realize you called me while you two were confessing your feelings,” he said lowly, seeing her eyes widen and shift to Zen.
“Wait--” she started, quickly being cut off.
“What are you talking about?” he asked loudly, taking a step towards Jumin. The fact that they were both trying to deny it filled him with rage, making a short, loud breath rush from his nose.
“I understand your dislike of me, but this is a level of disrespect I didn’t expect, even from you,” he spoke firmly, seeing Zen’s expression twist into anger to match his own.
“Disrespect? I have no idea what you’re even talking about!” Zen yelled, making Jumin stop and take a deep breath before he lost his control completely.
“I heard you,” he began, taking another breath before looking at his fianceé. “I heard you telling him that you love him.” Her lips pressed into a trembling pout, and tears gathered in her eyes. He looked away quickly, unable to contain the emotions surging within himself at the sight of her.
“And I heard you say you felt the same way,” Jumin seethed, returning his hard gaze to Zen. The actor flinched, stopping to think for a moment before raising his eyebrows.
“Hold on,” he scoffed, a brief laugh coming from him. The sound infuriated Jumin further, the impropriety in his crimson eyes finally pushing him over the edge.
Jumin grabbed the collar of his shirt, shoving him back against the wall next to his apartment door. Zen gasped, his eyes blowing wide open in fury and shock.
“Tell me right now,” Jumin growled, twisting his grip against the fabric of Zen’s shirt. “How long has this been going on?” His ears were ringing to the point that he couldn’t hear his fianceé begin to cry behind him, his senses completely honed in on the man he’d pinned to the wall.
“No, you listen!” Zen yelled, gripping his wrist forcefully. “If you’re talking about the lines we were practicing for my show, congratulations! You look like a complete idiot,” Zen spat, making Jumin narrow his eyes.
“Excuse me?” he spoke lowly, feeling another wave of nausea hit him but not wanting to believe he’d misunderstood so severely.
“I-I must have accidentally c-called you,” she spoke up, rushing to their sides with tears on her rosy cheeks. Jumin eyed her, glancing back at Zen for confirmation.
“She was helping me practice for my upcoming rehearsal,” the actor offered, his eyes still wide and his expression still one of disbelief. “I’ll show you the script if you still don’t believe me. Will you let go?” he hissed, yanking on Jumin’s wrist as he hesitantly let Zen away from the wall.
His eyes wandered back to her as she trembled just beside the two of them, her hands over her heart. What he’d perceived as guilt now became worry in her shining eyes, his shattered heart plummeting into the pit in his stomach. He’d never felt so childish and ashamed.
Zen smoothed out his shirt, huffing in exasperation when Jumin met his eyes for a moment. He could feel the bile rising in his throat, his knees weakening underneath himself and threatening to give out. What had he done?
“I...I’m sorry,” he choked out, not daring to meet her eyes even though her watery gaze was glued to him. He turned quickly, keeping his eyes on the ground as he quietly excused himself.
Jumin began walking back to the car, willing himself to become numb instead of dealing with the whirlwind of emotions inside of him.
He heard footsteps rushing after him, his eyes falling closed when his own steps faltered involuntarily.
“Jumin,” she whimpered, moving to stand in front of him. It took him a moment to meet her eyes, cursing himself for all of the horrible things he’d assumed about her in just the past half hour.
But in that moment, all of her attention was on him like Zen had never existed, and he wished he was worthy of falling into her arms and hiding from the rest of the world and all his sins.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered, bidding more tears to fall from her reddened eyes. He shook his head weakly, clenching his fists at his sides.
“I made assumptions and didn’t think to talk with you first. I’m the one who’s should be apologizing,” he said, sounding pathetic and small. She sighed heavily, shaking her head and moving closer into a hug that he didn’t have the strength to resist.
“It’s always been you, Jumin,” she breathed, holding him tightly. He longed to find comfort in her words, but couldn’t help but find the resemblance to the ones he’d heard over the phone, line from a script or not.
He let her hold him, feeling his hands continue to tremble as he pressed them against her lower back. The way she embraced him spoke volumes to him about her sincerity, but he couldn’t remove the seed of doubt that had been planted in his heart.
So he tightened his arms around her, swearing to himself to make sure she’d remain by his side even if she’d been lying.
~~~~~
aaaah thank you for reading, and welcome to mysme angst week 2020!
writing like this is definitely a little new to me, but i had a lot of fun preparing these pieces for this week! i hope you all enjoy, and thank you for all your support and love! <3