#angst week

[wafflebox-o7]

Lucifer Angst Week | Day 1 | Loss/Alone

Day 2

[celestiall0tus]

Adamsapple Angst Week - (Technically) Day 1 - Garden of Eden/Temptation/Lies - She is my Sin

A short note: This is technically for the first day of the @adamsapple-angst-week-2025 , but there are hints of some of the other days in here too. This is also using my nephilim AU/ Truth Beneath the Rose, so these are possible events that may happen. Anyway, enjoy!

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Day 1 || Day 2 || Day 3 || Day 4 || Day 5 || Day 6 || Day 7

            Lucifer sat on the bar knee-deep in another round. The demons of his past returned and nipped at his heels. His attempts to drown them away had been in failure as they barked and howled everything he longed to forget. He shook his head, desperate to drown them away just for another night. He took a shot and drained his current round.

            “Bar keep, another,” Lucifer slurred.

            Silence.

            Lucifer blinked as he fought to focus through the blurred vision. He saw the back of Husk’s vague silhouette before him. He stumbled and reached out when his vision cleared up that sent a wave of sharp pain through his head. He cursed and looked again to see a woman with snow white skin, long black hair, and red piercing eyes dressed in a black strapless dress with matching ballroom gloves and thigh-high boots. Her lips parted into a toothless, unsettling grin.

            Lucifer yelped and fell back as the world around him fell into shadow.

            “My, my, what sweet discourse, Red Delicious. What troubles you of all people this dreadful evening?” Roo cooed.

            “Can’t you go bother someone else?” Lucifer demanded.

            “Perhaps. There is a whole city and seven circles, but it’s you! How could I pass up such an opportunity? Besides, I’m bored.”

            “Seek your entertainment elsewhere. You won’t find it here.”

            Roo guffawed. “And by what power do you possess to expel me?”

            Lucifer opened his mouth, then shut it. He considered before he spoke.

            “If I said ‘please?’” Lucifer asked.

            “No,” Roo remarked.

            “Fine! What will it take for you to leave me alone?”

            “What else? Entertainment. And what better way than to explore those demons of yours,” Roo cooed.

            Lucifer opened his mouth but was swallowed into a void. He plummeted and crashed into the ground. He shook himself off and looked around. His jaw dropped when he saw he was in Eden. He got to his feet as Roo appeared beside him.

            “What are we doing here?” Lucifer demanded.

            “Come now, Red Delicious, this is where it all started. Why wouldn’t we be here?” Roo commented.

            Lucifer snorted. He looked around when he saw Adam in a clearing surrounded by animals. He smiled remembering the silly names Adam gave each creature and how more flocked to them, almost eager to be named. Pain soon struck his heart as he noticed Lilith’s absence. He glanced around and saw her lurking further off in the trees.

            “Such rebellion. Never content. Never happy. Always looking for more. Nothing like what you angels strive for, no?” Roo mocked.

            “And what of it? There’s nothing wrong with it,” Lucifer shot back.

            “Even if it led to the downfall of the order you angels love oh so much?”

            Lucifer’s heart dropped when he heard Adam call for Lilith. His eyes widened as he saw Adam’s blissful, ignorant smile with a little bird cupped carefully in his hands. Adam searched for Lilith until he saw her. Adam called again, but Lilith ignored him as she escaped from Eden. Adam’s smile dropped as he ran after her, calling for her.

            “And from the dust of Earth, they created Adam and Lilith, equals as the first of mankind. But despite this, Adam demanded control and Lilith refused to submit to his will. She fled the Garden,” Roo recited.

            Lucifer froze. He opened his mouth but was cut off.

            “Drawn in by her fierce independence, Lucifer found her, and the two rebellious dreamers fell deeply in love together. Was that how it went?”

            Lucifer panicked and laughed. “Who’s to say? Right?”

            Roo’s smile widened as they were placed outside the garden. Lucifer’s blood ran cold as he saw Lilith. She sat on a rock and fumed. His past self materialized and came to her aid. He had sought to comfort her, drawn in by her beauty, and held captive by it. He swallowed hard and listened to the conversation.

            “I hate it here. It’s too perfect, too orderly. I want something new, something amazing. I want to be free from it,” Lilith said.

            “I’m sorry, but there isn’t a way. Not with how the Elders have created everything,” past Lucifer admitted.

            “Are you sure? What about the Tree?”

            Past Lucifer gasped. “You mustn’t! That tree is evil to its roots. Who knows what it could do.”

            “But what if it has the power to free him? Don’t you want him to be free too? For future humans to be like me?”

            “That… that wouldn’t be terrible,” past Lucifer admitted with a slight blush.

            “Will you help me? I’ve tried to get near the Tree, but the angels shoo me away every time.”

            The scene with Lilith and past Lucifer faded as Lucifer and Roo were back in Eden at the foot of the Tree of Knowledge. Lucifer looked around as Lilith stood near the trees bathed in shadow while the past him slithered up the Tree to retrieve the apple to give to Eve, Adam’s second bride.

            Lucifer’s chest tightened as he once offered Eve the apple and she ate it. Eden sundered as the lush, green paradise shriveled into a desert wasteland. He felt the chill all over again as evil surged from an unseen rift created by the single act of disobedience. His heart raced as he struggled with each new breath when he saw Adam’s face when Eden fell. The sheer panic and fear seen in a painful new clarity. The Tree of Knowledge shriveled to a corpse of itself as Lilith and Lucifer were scooped up and thrown into Hell.

            Roo snorted and lounged on the roots of the dead Tree. “My, wasn’t that a fan blast to the past?”

            Lucifer didn’t answer. He watched as Adam rushed to Eve’s side as Adam attempted to calm Eve, but she was inconsolable. She broke down into hysterical sobbing fits as Adam called to the angels, but no one came to him. They were alone. Guilt tore through him and mingled with the panic. He fought himself when Roo spoke.

            “Your silence bores me.”

            Lucifer’s panic melted into anger and annoyance. “Why did you do this? You think this is funny?”

            “Of course! You wallow in pity and self-loathing all day and night because you were played like a cheap kazoo.”

            “And just who are you to judge? This is all your fault! That was your tree in Eden, in paradise. It wasn’t supposed to be there!” Lucifer snapped.

            Roo’s smile diminished to a shadow of itself.

            “And you know what? While we’re on it, a lot of this is your fault. Adam being in the hotel, your ‘little birds’ constantly trying to get to him that are putting everyone in danger, and all these little reminders of everything. I don’t want to be reminded of all this. I just want… I want it to go away.”

            “Are you done?” Roo asked.

            “I-!”

            “Because I am. You can sit here and blame me for your own actions, for screwing over humanity in the name of a pretty face, but it won’t change anything. Adam passed divine judgement and was thrown down here after Little Star’s janitor killed him. My birds still seek retribution after you further pushed Little Star to save Adam. Adam is that hotel because of you and Little Star. He would have been contained and tortured for eternity if not for the brilliant stars shining from their pedestals.”

            “I-.”

            “You could have lived a happy life. Not a care to him still, if you didn’t chase the deer into the dimension I crafted to be Adam’s prison. He was taken care of, receiving his due punishment, but you showed him mercy. You wanted him freed more than anyone. Be it your guilt, or some other reason?”

            “Now hold on! Charlie did too!”

            Roo chuckled. “Little Star only did because of the False Queen. You, on the other hand, wanted to save him for your own reasons. What reason though, I wonder.”

            “And what do you really care? You’re just doing all this because you’re bored.”

            Roo hummed. “Just bored, or making you see the flaws in everything you preached to me?”

            “I don’t-.”

            “It’s not fair, is it? To condemn one for their past mistakes. We all can change. We all can be better. It doesn’t need to be this way. Though our pasts remain, they don’t have to be us. We can all be more. Is this not all you preached to ME?”

            “I… I mean… it’s still true, I-.”

            Roo stood and grabbed Lucifer by the jaw. She glared at him as she tightened her grip on him.

            “You sit and judge me, but you’re the hypocrite here. You are no different than the rest of your ilk. Blind to your own failings, but quick to judge everyone else. To preach from up high while it’s the rest of us that suffer.”

            Lucifer struggled against Roo’s hold until there was a loud crack. Roo froze before she took a few deep breaths and released Lucifer. He hit the ground with a hand protecting his jaw while she turned her back to him. He collected himself and stood while she remained where she was.

            “Are we done here?” Lucifer demanded.

            “Might as well. Creatures like you never change. It really seems you are no different than Her.”

            Lucifer opened his mouth when he was thrown back. The desert faded to darkness and Roo was gone. He woke with a start, still at the bar. He blinked against the light that filtered through the windows as a headache pierced his skull.

            “Morning, your Majesty. Sleep well?” Husk asked.

            “Uh, yeah, sure. Could I get some water, yeah?” Lucifer asked.

            Husk grunted and turned away. Lucifer rubbed his aching head when he heard Adam’s scream. His heart raced as he looked up and saw one of his bodyguards raced in, her holographic wings deployed that bathed everything in an angelic, white light. She hovered in the air while Adam slammed into the ground and rolled into the room. Lucifer chuckled as Adam shook his head and snarled at the bodyguard.

            “You fucking cheated!” Adam declared.

            “I fail to see how I cheated,” the bodyguard said. Lucifer shuddered every time he heard their distorted, echoing voice. It reminded him every time of Roo.

            “Because you got that fancy suit, that’s why. I bet I could bet you without it.”

            “And you’re a dragon. Maybe you should lay off the ribs and eat a salad for once.”

            “Uh, fuck you. I’m a dragon! I need that meat. Not that rabbit food.”

            “That’s what she said.”

            Adam opened his mouth, then stopped. He looked around as he pieced together her remark before his face flushed. He stumbled over his words before he lunged for her. She pirouetted around him and kicked him in the groin. He let out a breathy shriek before he hit the ground. She held her head high and approached the bar.

            “Whatever carbonated sugary drink the lazy ass usually gets.”

            Husk pulled a soda cup and filled it, then slid it down the bar top. The bodyguard held it as Adam rushed up and grabbed it.

            “Ah, fuck yeah! This shit’s the best. Thanks, pussy cat,” Adam remarked.

            Husk growled and flipped off Adam as he gave Lucifer a glass of water.

            Adam laughed. “What’s the matter, oh great king of Hell? Can’t handle something a little more than some sparkling water?”

            Lucifer rolled his eyes and snorted. “Says the man that can’t handle his liquor.”

            Adam snorted. “You mean that shit that tastes like ass and burns going down. Yeah, no thanks. Still can’t believe you drink that shit.”

            “It drowns away their pain and suffering,” the bodyguard remarked.

            Adam laughed. “Losers. I’ve never felt any pain or suffering in my life.”

            Husk rolled his eyes while Lucifer looked away. The bodyguard snorted and kicked Adam in the groin again. He collapsed and spilt his drink on the floor.

            “Oh, Niffty, the bad boy did it again,” the bodyguard said as their voice reverberated throughout the entire room.

            “Oh shit, shit, shit!” Adam yelled as he took off and disappeared.

            Niffty ran in and gasped at the soda on the floor. She stomped her foot and climbed onto the bodyguard, sitting in between the horns of their helmet.

            “After him! The bad boy must pay,” Niffty giggled with a gleeful grin.

            The bodyguard deployed her wings and chased after Adam. Lucifer chuckled and sighed before he took a sip of water. He looked up at Husk, who shot him a strange look.

            “What? Did I drink it wrong? Am I supposed to do the pinky thing?” Lucifer asked.

            “Uh, no. Your Majesty, it’ not my place, but are you… and Adam… you know?”

            Lucifer raised a brow as he fought to puzzle together Husk’s words.

            Husk sighed. “Are you two fucking?”

            Lucifer’s eyes widened as his face turned red. “What? No! I mean, sure, he’s hotter as a sinner sure, but I-.”

            Lucifer paused when he saw Husk’s disturbed face.

            “I mean! He’s ok as a sinner. Not saying he wasn’t hot before, because he was. But I-.”

            Lucifer stopped as Husk’s expression worsened.

            “I… I’m just going to go back to my tower. Good talk, barkeep!”

            Lucifer teleported away to his tower. He sunk down into a pile of his ducks as he curled up into a ball. Tears welled in his eyes as he struggled with his new conflicting feelings over Adam and Lilith along with everything Roo put him through. He felt doubt Roo had planted bloom as he replayed the scene with Lilith. He tried to push it away, but it held fast in his mind as regret blossomed with the doubt. He shook his head as he looked at the portrait of him, Lilith, and a younger Charlie.

            “No. No, no, no. Lilith loves me. This is all a bump in the road. Right? Everything will be as she said, right?”

            Silence answered his questions and his feelings reinforced the silence. Tears fell from his eyes as he looked down at his wedding ring and thoughts of Adam snuck their way into his mind. He sighed and curled into a tight ball.

            “What do I do now?”

[sukunapie]

BREAK MY HEART - GETO SUGURU

inspired by I Don't Smoke - Mitski , art credit: 1luj

Suguru was a man who was often consumed by thoughts. Everyone looked up to him, because he was reasonable, capable, kind. Your friend group relied on him, for he knew what was right or wrong, what to do and not to do. He was the anchor and lighthouse. He was selfless.

Every single day, he gave himself to everyone like an offering.

“Give and take,” people would say. Suguru would always give. He would always take the darkness—swallowing filthy curses everyday. No one understands how it feels and tastes. To him, it was like swallowing puke back in.

Who would have thought that one mission could permanently shatter an unbreakable person? He broke like glass. One crack, and it leads to a series of cracks crawling and spreading, leaving the whole thing broken.

You vividly remember the night he came home, injured and exhausted. He kissed you passionately with hot tears running down his face.

Despite it all, he had you. You did not give yourself to people the way he did, but you gave your whole being to Suguru. You had your heart exposed to him and every other part of you.

There were several nights where you'd try to comfort him, but you knew you couldn't fix him. It's not that you weren't enough, you just weren't the solution. For someone as logical as Suguru, he valued solutions and answers rather than comfort. He had his priorities.

"I love you, Suguru," you'd whisper to his ear, your hands tangled up in his hair while he laid his head on your chest.

His eyes stared into nothingness, his mind occupied with so many things but you. "I love you," he said, without even fully processing it. His mind simply read your words and he just repeated them out loud for your sake.

Soon, another devastating blow shook Suguru.

When the news reached you, you were in denial.

"Not my Suguru," you thought. Your mind was in a frenzy. He could not have killed all those innocent people. 112 people. 2 of them were his parents. It was impossible.

Maybe it had something to do with his very being, the way he was designed. Was it possible that consuming all those curses meant consuming all those evil thoughts? Something had to be wrong. You were looking for everything else to blame but Suguru.

Suguru now stood across the road, his face blank and his lifeless eyes staring back at you like you were a void. A cigarette was held between his two fingers.

At this very moment, the two of you were on completely different sides.

It was like you were in a car with tinted windows, and Suguru was outside of the car, where he couldn't see you. He was staring into the tint's darkness, while you saw everything clearly. You saw him, but he did not see you.

"Please, come back. I don't care how miserable you are. Just throw it all on me. Share your burdens with me." You pleaded. "I can take it, just stay with me!"

His eyes narrowed at you. "Why are you still holding on?"

"Because I still love you, and I always will."

"I wish you'd stop trying," he shakily said. "My love, do one last thing for me before I leave, will you?"

"Anything."

"Break up with me,” he softly said. A part of him had hoped you didn’t hear him.

Suguru was in so much pain. Remnants and pieces of him were scattered on the palm of your hand but you could not do anything to fix him. Once a lighthouse, now a lost ship sailing away from everything including you.

Now, you find yourself smoking to remember his mouth.

[heluvschibi]

Day 3

Cussing, half assed relationship??

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You and Changbin were currently driving your way back to Seoul after the very... Weird encounter.

The whole world knows that yours and Changbin relationship wasn't a secret, and it's been like that for 3 1/2 years.

And for those 3 1/2 years he's never really thought about marriage...

You have of course, you wanted to marry Changbin when he first said he like you back over text. But when it came to upgrading the relationship, he looks uncomfortable, nervous, and he always changed the subject to something either irrelevant or just stupid.

So when you were going to spend a week with family, of course your grandma, aunt, and mother had to speak about it, claiming I was getting to old to just be dipping my toes into the deep waters of marriage, but I should already be swimming.

You told your family to not bring it up around Changbin, and they did the exact opposite. Not only making him uncomfortable, but the whole dinner awkward. And they never caught onto the mood, and just never felt they needed to shut the fuck up!

Going back and fourth, "When I was your age I just had your aunt. " "Your brother had has more wives than you do husband." "You know you do have 5 nieces and nephews?" "I want grand babies!"

So you decided to take everything in your hands -literally- you packed up while everyone was asleep, and dragged Changbin out of your grandma's -surprisingly big house- to drive back to Seoul.

He was passed out in the passenger seat, understandable, you did just toss him into a car in the middle of the night to escape from your family.

It doesn't matter how sleepy you were, you can't just close your eyes while your driving. The fact that you were driving though didn't keep you awake, it was that your mind kept going back to the awkward laughs and looks Changbin gave eachtime your family said anything.

"Gosh they are so stupid!" You shouted to yourself, hitting the wheel making the car honk.

Changbin jolted awake mumbling sleepless nonsense, "M.. Stupid..." Before going back to sleep.

You looked over at him, and sighed pating his head, "Yeah, so stupid..."

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You both got back to Seoul, Changbin immediately walked to the bedroom and fell asleep, while you stayed up all night, thinking back to the conversation, then it hit you. "Why doesn't he wanna get married." You soon started to feel bad for being mad at your family for just worrying about me and my relationship. You have been dating for 3 1/2 years...

So when the sun rises, and Changbin did so you asked him over breakfast.

"Hey. uh Bin?"

He looked up from his bowl and smiled at you letting you know he's listening.

"I know that your kinda uncomfortable with the topic of... Marriage... But.... Why?"

He chocked on his food making your eyebrows jump up, you slowly stood up, "Ar-are you okay?"

He chugged some water and nodded, "Uh... Sorry, I'm fine."

You calmed down and sat back down, now waiting for an answer, "Soo?"

He laughed awkwardly before rubbing the back of his neck, "Well, I just didn't think marriage, o-or kids were kinda... Needed? Yeah needed."

You tilted your head, confused, what did he mean by... Needed?

"W-well uh don't get me wrong most couples after a long time together you know... Seal it, tie the knot-"

"You... Don't wanna marry me?" You voice broke, a small tear rolled down your cheek.

He immediately stood up and walked over to you, "W-what no, no, no! I-I just think that, the first marriage should be-"

"With the one you love..." You mumbled.

He freaked out letting out a breath before hugging you, "N-no it's not that!"

"Then what is it Changbin?!"

He pulled away, not looking at your face, "I just think think that my first time marrying someone should be... Well... Uh... Y-you know what they say-"

"I don't care about what they say! Tell me what you wanna say!"

"Fine, fuck, I don't wanna marry you!"

You looked at him, eyebrows furrowed, mouth gaped open slightly, tears rolling down your face.

You looked down and bit your lip, he was pacing around head in his hands mumbling something. Those words hurt so much, you really did love him, not because you liked Changbin from Straykids, but you liked Changbin from the Seo family... You really did want to marry him, you wanted your life to go up hill with him, but now you finally understand each time you would watch a movie where the characters marry each other, how he looks away, how each time an ad for engagement rings would come up he would just turn off the TV.

"Baby... I-i'm-"

You stood up, the sound of the chair screeching against the hard wood floors made him stop, "No... There's no need to explain yourself... Even though... I-I... I wasted 3 1/2 years...just... Trying to get this relationship off the ground... 3 years... Of trying to settle down with you. Just to end up heart broken..."

You wiped your tears, "I don't know why I even bother."

"I wasted my time with you. . ."

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Day 3 completed

I kindaaaaa rushed this... I got distracted by watching Spider Man all day :]

All angst week stories will be updated by the end of angst week.

[addsalwayssick]

think about if lily and regulus had ended up together. james, in love with both of them to a fault. he sees them kiss, or go to the library together holding hands. think about him watching from afar, his heart breaking. think about him thinking about never falling in love again because how could he recover? how is he so unlovable that the only two people he’s ever loved, loved each other instead of him. think about lily decked out in green for the gryffindor and slytherin quidditch match, wearing regulus’s jersey. think about how james knew it was supposed to be his jersey. think about lily and regulus cuddling, reading together when lily snuck him into the gryffindor common room. think about james coming and seeing them making out from quidditch practice. think about james sobbing at night, horrible gut wrenching sobs because he managed to lose two people who he loved. think about him making his rounds as head-boy, when lily is off-duty coming across them in a broom cupboard. think about a joined potions class on amortentia. think about him smelling regulus and lily, but on the other side of the classroom, lily and regulus are laughing about how they smell each other. think about him telling each of them beforehand, maybe a week before they got together. think about him telling regulus, and him saying that he’s got a thing for lily. think about him telling lily, and her telling him she’s got a thing for regulus. think about how he couldn’t tell sirius about his thing for regulus, and so sirius thought he was moping about because of lily. think of lily and regulus breaking up after a fight, and both lily and regulus go to james to hook up for revenge. think about him doing it, because he’ll have them in any way he possibly can. think about lily and regulus getting back together a day later, and james just gives up. think about how lily and regulus tell each other about how james likes them. and think about the two different endings. maybe they all get together, they’re happy, james is happy. or maybe james catches them laughing at him and his stupidity, and james is numb, is sad. think about it. or don’t.

[quillfulwriter]

2 Mars House fics about Aubrey 🩷

⚠️ MARS HOUSE SPOILERS

I've been sharing my Angst Week works on bsky, but not here, so have a couple Aubrey Gale works to show this disaster some love. Through angst. Yes.

Nowhere Else | Words: 815 | Rating: T

Aubrey is stuck with House Song now, because they couldn't turn back even if they wanted to. And they don't. They definitely don't.

Always Last | Words: 730 | Rating: T

Aubrey wanted to be someone's favorite, just once.

This one is unrequited January/Aubrey because, Aubrey, darling... You hugged the man once and have never exchanged words. Also, he thinks you're happily married. It's complicated.

Anyway, that's all for Mars House! Enjoy!

Kofi commissions are also open, check my profile ☕

[klance-headcanons-official]

Angst Week. Day 2.

"I'll see you soon. Don't worry."

"I'm always going to worry."

They touched their foreheads together with a slight smile painted on their faces.

"I love you."

"I love you more."

Lance went out into the darkness of Space, it was only the second solo mission he'd gone on since the war ended, but he was sure he could do it. He would do whatever had to be done, and he would go home and fall into Keith's arms.

Keith waited.

He waited minutes,

Those minutes became hours,

Those hours became days,

Those days became weeks,

Those weeks became months,

And months became years.

Lance never came home.

[wellsayhelloaagin]

Make Me Forget

Angst Week 2.0 Story 2/7 | Angst Week 2.0 Masterlist

Summary: The anniversary for Pietro's death is fast approaching and you make a promise to Natasha to look out for Wanda.

Pairing: Wanda x reader

Genre: Angst

Words: 2.5k

Warnings: alcohol consumption, sad smut

“Look after her for me?”

It’s a simple request, whispered into your ear as Natasha hugs you, the quinjet engines rumbling to life behind her. 

She pulls back and you nod, knowing exactly what she meant.

Natasha was about to leave on a mission, not knowing when she would return. All you knew was that it would be at least a month, possibly more and that Natasha wouldn’t be able to keep her promise to Wanda.

You knew she was worried about her friend and to be honest, so were you.

Wanda had been different lately, withdrawing from the group and spending more time locked in her room. You didn’t blame her though, if you were in her position you would probably do the same.

The anniversary of her brother’s death and the demise of her city was quickly approaching, each day closer to the one-year mark was a reminder that Wanda had lost the last remaining family she had.

You could only imagine how hard it must be for her but you were determined to help her in any way you could. 

You knew that Natasha had promised to be there for her, Wanda confessing to the redhead one night that she didn’t want to be alone when the day finally came. Now you would take her place, proving what little comfort you could to a woman who was still clearly grieving the loss.

“I will,” you assure Natasha, looking over at where Wanda stood behind her, arms wrapped tight around her stomach as if it were the only thing holding her together.

//

The weeks pass quickly, Natasha’s absence in the compound feeling greater with every passing day. 

Wanda continues to withdraw, the bags under her eyes indicating that she wasn’t sleeping much. You knew she had nightmares, your bedroom was right across the hall from hers.

When she did join the group, Wanda was irritable. She snapped at the others when they tried to engage her in conversation and she always looked on the brink of tears afterwards, apologies falling from her lips before she would scurry back to her room.

She hardly ate anything and you knew that you were letting both her and Natasha down.

You were at a loss, you didn’t know what to do. You didn’t want to push, not wanting to overstep Wanda’s boundaries but at the same time, you hated seeing her hurting so clearly.

It wasn’t a secret that you had a crush on the brunette. You enjoyed spending time with her, spending your days watching old sitcoms and laughing on the couch together. Wanda made your heart flutter and you felt like maybe, she had feelings for you too.

But you were too scared to ruin your friendship and you knew she was in no state to make a move now. You were more concerned with looking after your friend and helping her through a difficult time.

The day before the anniversary, you find yourself sitting at the kitchen counter at a loss for what to do.

Wanda had fled quickly after breakfast, leaving you sitting there with Sam. You must have looked pretty pathetic because the next thing you know he sighs loudly, making you glance in his direction.

“Look, it's obvious you care and want to help,” he begins, laying a hand on your arm in support. “What that girl needs is a distraction and someone to listen. Use that big brain of yours and work something out.”

With that he walks out of the room, a plan already forming in your mind.

//

The next morning you wake up early, ready to set up your day.

You spend the next hour gathering the supplies you would need, checking them off the list you had prepared.

When you were sure you had everything, you knocked on Wanda’s bedroom door. You wait a few moments, wondering if maybe she was going to ignore you before the door swings open.

Wanda had obviously been crying already, her eyes rimmed with red and there were dried tear tracks on her face.

“Goodmorning,” you tell her, handing her a cup of coffee. “You’ve got twenty minutes to shower and get ready before we leave.”

Wanda chews her lip, looking at the coffee and then back to you.

“Look,” she begins and you can already tell what she’s about to say. “I appreciate the effort but-”

“Not buts,” you cut her off, pushing her towards her bathroom. “Twenty minutes and I’m coming back for you.”

You almost expect her to protest more but you know that her curiosity over what you had planned would win out. 

You spend the day trying to make her smile as much as possible. You watch her favourite sitcom on the couch together, laughing at the same jokes you always did. You help her make paprikash to bring a bit of home to her, eating it in the garden and soaking up the rays of the sun. You spend some time reading aloud one of her favourite books, your back resting against a tree as she lies across the picnic blanket, her head resting in your lap as you absentmindedly play with her hair.

She drifts off halfway through a chapter, her eyelashes fanning across her cheek as she sleeps. She looks peaceful, you decide, and you continue to stroke her hair while you watch a family of ducks waddle towards the pond.

When she wakes the sun is beginning to set, the sky cast in an orange glow that bathes her in warm light. If it were any other day you may have kissed her and taken the risk for just one chance with her.

She smiles shyly at you, sitting up and stretching slowly.

“How did you sleep?” you question, trying to distract yourself from the way her shirt had ridden up her back as she stretched.

“Good,” she replies, looking back at you. “No nightmares.”

You swell with pride at doing something right, maybe the day was a success after all.

“So what now?” she asks you, looking out towards the setting sun.

“I was thinking pizza and movies on the couch?” you offer, hoping it was enough.

“Throw in some wine and you have a deal,” she retorts and you can’t help but smile at her enthusiasm. 

//

The night goes well, the pizza and wine combination is a hit. You have a few glasses, not wanting to go overboard. Wanda isn’t as restrained however, polishing off the rest of the bottle before cracking open a new one.

When some of the team make their way into the living room, you feel her tense beside you and make an excuse to continue your movie night in your bedroom. You know that Wanda wasn’t ready for a group of people and you didn’t want to ruin your good day.

At some point, you both fall asleep because when you wake up, the credits are rolling. At first, you don’t realise what woke you but then you hear a whimper beside you and the pieces start to click together.

Wanda’s face is scrunched up, her brows furrowed as she cries out again. You know she is experiencing a nightmare and you want nothing more than to be able to take her pain away.

She gasps suddenly, eyes flying open and landing on you. You pause for a moment, not knowing what to do before Wanda is crawling into your arms. You can feel the tears through your shirt as she shakes against you and you run your hand soothingly up her back.

“Why does it still hurt so much?” she whispers into the dark, her voice unsteady. “Why does it still feel like we just buried him?”

“I don’t know,” you reply truthfully, placing a soft kiss against her hair.

“I want it to stop,” she cries, burying her face into your neck. “I just want to stop feeling for a while.”

“I wish I could do more to help,” you admit truthfully, feeling like a failure.

Despite your best efforts, you didn’t really change anything for Wanda. 

“You did plenty to help,” she responds, lifting her head to look in your eyes. “You made me smile on a day that I didn’t think I’d be able to. I don’t think you realise how much that means to me.”

You want to look away, feeling exposed by her gaze. Her green eyes are locked on yours and the world feels like it slows down as she leans in.

The kiss is light, her lips pressing against yours softly while you hold your breath. You had dreamed of this moment for so long and now it was finally here and you didn’t know how to feel.

You thought you would be happy but everything just felt wrong.

Wanda’s lips tasted bitter from the wine, her cheeks still wet with tears. As much as you wanted this, you knew you needed to stop.

You push at her shoulder gently, the warmth of her lips leaving yours.

“Wanda,” you say gently, not wanting to hurt her feelings. “We can’t.”

“Why not?” she challenges, moving into your space again. “I know you like me, I’ve seen the way you look at me.”

“It’s not right,” you tell her, your heart feeling like it was in your throat at her words. “You’ve been drinking and it’s been an emotional day. We should go back to sleep.”

“Please,” her soft plea almost breaks you but you stick to your resolve. “I want this, I do.”

“Not like this,” you shake your head, trying to ignore her hand wandering to the hem of your sleep shirt. 

“Please,” she tries again, this time trailing her lips down your neck and making you shudder. “I need this.”

Her hand dips under your shirt as she presses a kiss under your ear. You feel your body melt into her, your drowsy state making it that much harder to resist.

“Please,” she whispers in your ear, her thigh slipping between yours. “Make me forget.”

//

The sun wakes you this time, the yellow light peeking through the curtains. You try to stretch but your arm is pinned down.

You open your eyes to find Wanda lying there, her bare back exposed, the sheet of your bed draped over her waist.

Your mind flashes back to the night before, the way her body fit against yours, the way her hands felt on you, the noises she made as you tasted her for the first time, the cries of pleasure she pulled from you.

But you also remember the way the tears on her cheek glistened in the moonlight, the way her moans would sometimes sound like a sob, the way she wouldn’t look you in the eye. 

You groan softly, realising that you may have ruined everything. Your friendship with Wanda was so important to you and you had put that in jeopardy last night.

You carefully extract yourself from Wanda, walking over to your bathroom. You study yourself in the mirror, deciding to take a quick shower to clear your head.

When you return to the room, you find your bed empty. Your stomach sinks and you can’t shake the bad feeling that overcomes you.

You check Wanda’s room but find it empty, the kitchen and living room not fairing any better. 

You finally track her down in the library, curled up in an armchair by the window. You walk toward her, noticing her back stiffen as you get closer.

“Wanda,” you call out softly when you’re close enough, hands twisting nervously in front of you. “Can we talk?”

“About?” she asks, not looking at you.

“You know what,” you mumble, not sure what to make of her aloof attitude.

She sighs then, turning slowly to face you. Her face is hard to read and you feel like you want to throw up.

“Look,” she begins and your heart sinks. “Last night was a mistake.”

You knew it was coming but the words still hurt, feeling like a knife to the chest.

“I know,” you agree, looking out the window yourself. “But-”

“No buts,” Wanda interjects, throwing away any hope you had left to salvage the situation. “I was vulnerable and it didn’t mean anything. It shouldn’t have happened.”

“Oh,” you say quietly, trying to hold back tears. 

Wanda just sits there awkwardly, refusing to make eye contact. You couldn’t just leave things like that though, not when there was so much on the line.

“It meant something to me,” you whisper looking down at your feet. 

You see Wanda’s head turn toward you but you aren’t brave enough to meet her eyes. 

“I know it shouldn’t have happened like that and I’m sorry,” you continue, your filter disappearing.

Might as well get it all out there, right?

“But I don’t regret it happening,” your hands are shaking at your confession, your heart beating erratically. “You said it yourself, you know I like you. But I think it’s more than that.”

“Wait,” Wanda tries to stop you but it’s too late now.

“I care about you so much Wanda and I know I could make you happy. You’re the best thing to ever happen to me and I love you.”

The room is silent after your profession, the blood rushing through your ears the only thing you can hear.

After a few moments of silence, you finally look back at Wanda. She stands slowly, walking over to stand in front of you. You feel a small glimmer of hope in your chest at her proximity, wondering what she would say next.

“I just don’t feel the same,” she tells you before walking past you and out of the room.

//

The weeks that follow are worse than ever. 

You barely see Wanda, occasionally passing her in the halls or common areas.

Neither of you can make eye contact with each other. You feel the shame burning through you every time she’s near.

You cry almost every night. You cry for your lost friendship and for what could have been. You know that you really messed things up and you don’t know how you can go back to normal after this.

It all starts to become too much, so when a job opportunity opens up at the S.H.I.E.L.D base in California, you jump that the transfer. You want to put as much space between you and the heartache as possible.

You hold out on leaving until Natashas returns from her mission. You can sense her disappointment and you know that you’ll miss your friend once you’re gone. But staying was just more than you could bear.

Your bags are packed in the taxi and you were saying your final goodbyes to your teammates. One face was noticeably absent for the farewell, not that you really blamed her.

“I’ll miss you,” Natasha tells you, pulling you into a hug.

When you stand back up, you catch a glimpse of Wanda in the window, her face red from crying once again. 

You hated that you continued to hurt her, but maybe things would be easier once you left.

You turn to Natasha, wanting to ensure one last thing before you drive away.

“Look after her for me?”

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