Because I'm Almost There
Everything is changing rapidly. I've been in a year and a day sort of consort to a god relationship before, but that's past. This is present, and present is a big scary reality. I'm in love, loved, and it is amazing, wonderful, and different than any other experience I've had in my spiritual work. Lugh is amazing. I'm so happy and overjoyed to be his, to know his touch and his kindness and his stern nature and creative flash. There is no fear in knowing Lugh, in loving him. He's always been there. I just finally noticed. So what happens when the girl who knew lightning Who felt it flash within her Throw her to the ground And leave her wanting for more Gets up the nerve to invite it back To love it And to let it strike her heart? The fear I have is the pressure to be one way, do one thing, say this, feel that, from others. No one in specific, I just have a hard time remembering myself when surrounded by voices. I simply want to be, to let this come about naturally. I have yet to say my vows, but I have a general date set, if only I can figure out the logistics. It's nothing like I thought, nothing that can be explained in words. Many times, Lugh speaks to me in feelings that feel like English. Other times they taste of many words together in one syllable. A world of stories in one verse. Still other times I'm running to the tablet to google stuff in other languages! I've never had a deity challenge me with such puzzles and laugh when I miss the obvious, laughter completely loving. I've never known this love. I have a mortal spouse whom I love more than anyone. I love Lugh more than anyone, too, in a completely different way and the same way at the same time. It's one of those things I lack words for. Anyway, I just needed to babble. One day... maybe I'll have the courage to be completely open about this. So what happens when the girl who knew lightning Who felt it flash within her Throw her to the ground And leave her wanting for more Gets up the nerve to invite it back To love it And to let it strike her heart? Let's find out.