#another essay

[misticloyal]

Jambound from a Writer's Perspective

Sue me, I had more shit to say about this fic upon completing my second reread of it lmao.

This bridges off of my last post about this fic; the idea of what's real and what's not. Jambound does this superb job of luring the reader in with this sense of appealing to common fanfic tropes, and then- like crashing two cymbals together- shocking them back to reality by pointing out the obvious overdramatizations in what we all love to enjoy.

I think as a whole this already has a phenomenal impact on the actual narrative and emotional processing of this fic, but today we're not here to talk about that.

Today I'm here to really compliment the fact that making that distinction in writing is actually really hard to do. More so since you're already subjecting yourself to tropes from the get go.

This little section will talk about Archive of Our Own as a whole here. The culture of reading and writing fan fiction already submits the writer and the readers to the idea of appealing to tropes. Hurt/No Comfort; PWP; Coffee Shop AU; etc.

All of these tags, readers use to filter through their own preferences. All these tags, writers use to try and fit their fanfic into a box. This isn't to say that the use, labeling and consummation of these tropes is a bad thing. In fact, because fandom culture is the way that it is, these tropes are celebrated.

It's nice to take solace in the idea that yeah, "you know what damn it I LOVE the Found Family tag and I know that I'm in a community where no one will judge me for that sort of thing". Especially in this day and age where tropes are commonly looked down upon and scrutinized for being 'cringe' or redundant.

I find that when writers struggle to tag their fanfics, it's amusing because of course- as the creators of a written work we see the full picture. It's difficult to try and tag your fully thought out- beautiful work with a couple of common reoccurring events that happen in thousands of other fanfictions. As the writers ourselves, we value our work more than that.

It's this delicious concoction of "I feel like this might take away from the fullness of my work" and "but I do want people to at least have a summary of what I made" and "but I also want people to see my work, I'm proud of it".

Now luckily, it's not all bad- as fandom culture ALSO is; everyone is intelligent enough to realize that a fic that has a tag in it doesn't mean that's ALL the fic is. In fact, most of the time the fan fictions that are tagged tropes and succeed the way that they do- do so because they ARE more than just their tags.

Whiiich brings us all back to Jambound, and how it manages to actually NAIL this "more than the tags" concept I established here as well as the reality vs fantasy theme too.

-

Writing characters is hard. Writing fanfiction is harder. Obviously this isn't rocket science, but it's difficult to create something from nothing, and in fanfiction- it's difficult because what ever fan fic writer strives to do (I hope) is write an already existing character as close to canon as possible.

In my last post I talked a little bit about this- the sort of "if I was in Pure Vanilla's shoes what would I do?" right. Because at the end of the day, our answers to those questions that we place in ourselves is HOW we write in the first place.

"What comes next?"

"What would Shadow Milk do?"

"How would Shadow Milk get out of this situation?"

"Would Pure Vanilla even go ALONG with this proposed solution?"

As I write my own fic, I find myself struggling to answer these. Going back, rereading over and over, rewatching the Beast Yeast stories to try and shape these wonderfully beautiful characters the best I can as the characters everyone has already fallen in love with.

Jambound is good for a myriad of reasons. Because it breaks expectations. Because it breaks free from the restraint of tropes.

Jambound is good because Pure Vanilla Cookie is Pure Vanilla Cookie. And Shadow Milk Cookie is Shadow Milk Cookie.

My writing process is hazardous to say the least but if there's one thing I can say with certainly that I want to nail, it's the characterization of the main stars of the show.

The more complex methods of success that Jambound has seen is due to it's characterization being accurate- to the point where it LITERALLY interferes with the plot itself.

Why does Jambound break the idea of fantasy vs reality? Because tropes are unrealistic. Real humans struggle to fit into the margins created through fanfiction tropes. Real CHARACTERS struggle to fit into those tropes.

By making Pure Vanilla himself, Black Raisin herself, even Shadow Milk, Dark Enchantress, the list goes on.

But especially making Shadownilla as close to canon as possible, in one fell swoop Jambound surprises the readers by breaking their expectation of their typical fanfic.

But wait you ask (probably not) why would the readers expect in the first place? What is a "typical fanfic"?

Look no further than the tags that rest above every chapter you read.

The beauty of it all is that by surpassing readers expectations from the TAGS THEMSELVES Jambound sets itself apart. And fandom culture, as stated before- eats that shit right up.

I certainly don't plan on having my personal projects reach this level of success, but I hope that by at the very least- my UNDERSTANDING of why fanfics like Jambound are so good to read- so satisfying and "just right", maybe I can at least get close to that level of writing haha.

[swan-orpheus]

“I’m not slipping. I’ve just been hiding for too long.”

Thinking about Andor far too much as is the case nowadays, and pondering Kleya’s insistence to meet their contact in Luthen’s stead. I’ve considered two things as regards Luthen: what motivates him to do what he does, and what he knows that is so important that his capture is unthinkable for Kleya. She is obviously concerned that he is getting antsy, a little impatient, that he feels guilty about “hiding” and being “a coward” while others risk their lives out in the open to the extent that he might do something reckless. As we all know, you need someone at the center of things to plan and to organize for a movement to succeed. 

Kleya felt very strongly that Luthen should take the Fondor and get to safety and send her down to meet their ISB informant. I wondered why and given the level of mystery surrounding him, I thought that it must be something equally mysterious. 

Surely Kleya knows a lot and if she were to be captured, they’d get most everything-the shop, her rebel connections, the existence of the network, confirmation of Aldhani, Mon Mothma, and who knows how many people she’s recruited over the years. They’d also get Luthen’s identity, but not Luthen himself, which seems to be the key here. I think it’s obvious why Luthen felt he had to go. He had his suspicions and had to be the one to motivate Lonni to stay with them. As we learn at the end of his impressive monologue, Luthen feels personally responsible for him. 

So what is so important about Luthen? This is not related to who or what he is. I maintain that what motivates him to be so extreme, his hatred for the Empire (or more like his love for whoever and whatever he fights for) and his specific importance are not one and the same thing. Sometimes I think that he acts like one who fears persecution, and at other times, I think he is just rather eloquent and dramatic. But even if he were in hiding because he’s force sensitive which I do not necessarily think he is, despite my looong essay on the subject, that in and of itself is not all that important. It must be about what he knows. Something that Kleya does not know or possess. That is what the Empire must not get hold of or be able to torture out of her. 

I’ve gone over it and it is tricky to say the least because if Kleya has a reason for feeling that Luthen is more important than her, than she knows at least part of the secret herself, even if it is merely that there is one. Is it a person, a group of people, a location?? I thought perhaps that Luthen was trying to find a secret headquarters for the future of the Rebellion, a suitable planet that is out of the way. Perhaps he knows the location and Kleya does not. It would be kind of cool if he found Yavin 4 and started to get things ready, but purposely compartmentalized this and other things so that Kleya could not reveal it against her will were she apprehended. 

Also intrigued by the fact that Saw Gerrera who has been around forever, been fighting since Onderon, seen things rise and fall, lost his sister, lost probably everything over and over does not know who or what Luthen is, cannot suss it out. That’s impressive. Saw may not have his sister’s leadership abilities or sense of direction, but he is sharp. He notices things. He may be a little paranoid, but he is also an astute judge of character. And he is not the same man that we see in Rogue One who trusts next to no one and is suspicious of everything. He parsed out the galaxy and everyone who has any stake in fighting the Empire and categorized them all very colorfully and yet he can’t nail down Luthen’s operating principles? Interesting. 

We’re definitely meant to draw a comparison between Luthen and Saw. And not just because Luthen favors cooperation and Saw thinks that it’s more or less pointless. Saw’s strategy is what Luthen describes to Cassian in Episode 4 in their conversation aboard the Fondor, “carving off useless pieces until there’s nothing left”. I love Saw and I mean no disrespect. But he’s lost too much and seen too much and his rage fuels him to the extent that while he may have “clarity of purpose”, intelligence and charisma, he isn’t as strategic as Luthen. And as we see in Rogue One, by the time he is based on Jedha, there is less of the man that he was, in every sense of the word. 

Kleya gets results. She is practical, direct, unflinching, efficient. She does what is necessary. And she seemed very uneasy about him risking his safety to go in her stead. Is he hiding something vital to the Rebellion? Or are we just too trained to think in those terms? Could it be that what Luthen possesses is neither specific knowledge nor anything tangible? 

Could it be that he’s just eloquent and charismatic to a degree that is rare and without that, it all falls apart? It would further explain his guilt, his reflections on ego, if the idea of one person being more important than so many others is repugnant to him. I also like it because it fits in nicely with the theme of Andor.  

Even Cassian Andor himself, the titular character is shown to be more of a supporting character, a helper, someone who can rally people to fight rather than being overarchingly significant on his own. He’s charming, intelligent and passionate.  He gives Kino Loy the tools to lead everybody out of the prison. He’s special because he cares and he participates not because he’s the the leading voice. 

Perhaps that is all that it is, Kleya knows that as good as she is, Luthen is the persuasive one, the one with the gift to motivate people and to keep everything going. She may be an important piece in this game, but without the King, it’s game over. 

***************************************************************************************************

I guess the other motivation for this post is, while I think Luthen having some secret identity would be interesting, it would merely be an added layer that explains part of his drive, not the most significant facet of his character. I hope that going forward we get more deep dives into the motivations and feelings of characters in Star Wars, more slow builds. it’s not that we haven’t before Andor, but not on this scale and with this consistency, the scale that a show of this length and variety allows. It feels like a particularly good expanded universe novel in the way that even minor characters are fleshed out. 

I basically want everything done to the same level of detail and care as Andor. I am greedy like that. I want larger than life ordinary heroes protecting what they love and would-be space wizards who live seemingly mundane lives but whose inner worlds are extraordinary. I want a force sensitive person who works in an office and has to hide the fact that they are a little too good at reading their coworkers or awfully skilled at getting the plants on their desk to grow. 

Andor is so rich and well-thought out. I’m addicted. I want every show to go this hard now. 

[amyriadfthings]

So, have we talked enough about the line of succession thing and how, maybe, it doesn´t need to make sense?

It´s just something I´ve been thinking about and I´d seen some posts about it early on, so.

To me it looks like the queen knows and banks on how desperate August is and indeed manipulates August further into his guilt and gratitude for the opportunity to redeem himself (summoning him to the palace like that? What a Move!) So, in that state and in that room he certainly won´t question if this path makes any sense. He probably doesn´t even ~want to question it later on, even if he develops doubts.

So, if this is just another ploy to try to get Wille in line and keep August close and under control at the same time, that means at least for the moment, as a strategic game move, it doesn´t need to be based in actual formal court rules, right?

We as an audience can absolutely question the logic, of course, because our perspective is so much wider than August´s and Wille´s.

Neither Wille nor August at this point in their lives seem even able to question much of anything, since they´re both too busy dodging hits (sorry, Wille) and living through emotional highs and lows while being teenagers.

The queen on the other hand has the advantage of absolute stone-cold strategic thinking and years of experience. (Chess, anyone. Being 6-7 moves ahead, anyone. The fact that she does miscalculate in regards to Wille, well. She might be the queen, but she´s got her blind spots. Emotions being one of them, ironically, but not surprisingly.)

And even if the court introduces August as a more prominent part of the royal family, that could still make sense years down the line, it´s not like they´re publicly announcing anything has changed at all right now. August has been part of official court pictures since S1 ep 1, too.

Like, it might be that the court actually considers keeping both doors open in their attempt at damage control, which is their daily job anyway, and intentionally push both Wille and August to were they want them, maybe even where they keep each other in check for a while.

(I also wouldn´t put it past them that there are at least three other contingency plans in place, cooked up in that war room we see in 2x1.)

In general, I´d take whatever the queen says at any given moment with a grain of royal salt since she is the royal family personified, never just mom to Wille or much family at all to August. I feel like we´ve long moved past just believing whatever she says and especially what she says to her heir(s?) that she needs to keep the institution going.

And why would we want to believe her anyway? Is it because she seems rational and unemotional, so we naturally want to treat her like an authority on the truth?

In S 1 she asks her son if love is worth it and tells him it´s not the most important thing in life, putting strategy (of dealing with the video fallout) and emotion in opposition, and we´re with Wille, right? We cheer when he gives a speech on how her ways are not the way forward. Love wins. Stone-cold strategy and secret-keeping to uphold tradition is not the truth for him anymore.)

Like, if this was a daily soap I wouldn´t be poking holes into this plot line at all, but this is a well-thought out, many-layered show that likes to turn the screws this way and that so we have to turn our heads a little at times and suddenly find meaning behind meaning.

I think it´s a plausible thought that we´re not meant to take at face value everything she´s telling August and Wille. That we can say wait a minute, I know her now, I´ve seen the damage. That we, by now, recognize the wider context of her ways that those two teens can´t (yet) and we can just. Refuse.

I just think we shouldn´t accept her words just like that, unqualified, and rather keep in mind that there´s moves she makes and untold truths that she likes to keep in the dark to keep things moving the way she/the court want. I mean, come on, Wille doesn´t want us to just accept things.

Do it for Wille. Question the queen.

[brandedfool]

A Hopefully Brief Explanation for why VEGA is still capable of talking at the end of Doom Eternal: Ancient Gods Part 1

Because he shouldn’t be, right? He really should not be able to string words together at all. In fact knowing what we know now about the nature of his character, VEGA shouldn’t have been able to talk on Mars, in the Fortress of Doom, in Urdak. At all.

At least not above a whisper.

(Please know that I realize people have likely already noticed and pointed out everything I’m going to say in this post already, but this is actually all my own work. Also I’m going to be making one assumption that I feel fairly confident is accurate, but may be incorrect.)

As always, and I cannot say this loudly enough this time.

MASSIVE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

Okay. Let’s begin, shall we?

We know from the codex entries the nature of the life spheres. They “contain the memory, intelligence, will, and the essential nature of a being's consciousness,” (Book Of The Seraphs - Part IV in case you’re interested). Given this information, it’s pretty clear that if a life-orb is destroyed, the being that it belonged to would be unable to think let alone talk or control a planet’s infrastructure. It seems pretty incredible, then, that The Father can continue talking to the Doom Slayer when his life-sphere is destroyed. In this post, I provide a theory for how this is possible and provide evidence for my theory that I, at least, find extremely compelling.

For the rest of this not-really-an-essay, I will be making one major assumption. If this assumption is faulty, it doesn’t necessarily destroy the argument I’m going to be making here, but it will put a major dent in things.

That assumption is this: All Souls Function Identically.

The Father, The Khan Maykr, The Dark Lord, every human and every Sentinel and everyone else. All their souls are, fundamentally, made of the same stuff and work in the same way. That means the “stuff” can only get so compressed/dense, can only be turned into so many shapes, all has the same properties. Soul-stuff is soul-stuff is soul-stuff.

Anything one soul can do that another can’t is purely do to differences in the availability of resources to that soul. The Father can do much more from within a life-sphere not because his essence is any different from any other deity, but because he has many more resources available to him, namely the Seraphim and a lot of very fancy Maykr tech that functions across dimensions like the walls of reality don’t even exist.

Now this is really important because, knowing what we know now, it’s pretty clear that the Father’s Life Sphere isn’t in those handy-dandy transfer devices that the Doom Slayer carries around in his pocket. The external drives that VEGA and Samur transfer to at various times are obviously designed to carry consciousnesses within them. VEGA’s programming serves to stabilize his consciousness so that it transfers between vessels like a soul would, and this explains why he can move between systems and hard drives as if he were actually present.

Because he’s not, is he? His life-sphere is in the Ingmore's Sanctum with all the other life-spheres. He can’t leave them unattended and the trials to gain access to that place would be enough of a safeguard against trouble even if his true nature wasn’t disguised further. This goes miles towards explaining why Samur was willing to “sacrifice” VEGA in DOOM 2016. He knew it wasn’t really The Father being destroyed, just a conduit for his consciousness. His soul is safe in another dimension.

I don’t know how or why VEGA would forget his identity on Mars. Whether it was because Samur fucked up the transfer somehow, or severed the access to his memories. Maybe his soul was split and VEGA is only a small portion of it (in which case what the actual fuck Samur.) It doesn’t really matter.

Because the Doom Slayer breaks the Father’s Life Sphere.

But he doesn’t, does he.

Because that is not the Father’s ife Sphere. It’s the Khan Maykr’s. I know people have said that before. Not new ground at all. But I do have new stuff, I promise. We just need to get this out of the way first. So let’s go through the evidence that the life sphere is the Khan Maykr’s.

First of all, visually, it’s identical.

Oh boy incoming screenshots, are you ready?

This is the life sphere the Doom Slayer destroys in Ingmore’s Sanctum (sorry for the shitty quality).

And this is the Khan Maykr’s life sphere that flies out of her chest and into the sky at the end of Doom Eternal. The reason it flies away, by the way , is because the Father is sending it to the Ingmore’s Sanctum to lie forever beside the life spheres of his other failed creations.

They are the same color and, more importantly, the same size. That size is consistent with the Dark Lord’s sphere as well, which is pretty telling for reasons we’ll get into a bit later. The Khan Maykr and the Dark Lord both have absolute control over their respective dimensions and are intimately tied with those dimensions. Destroying the Dark Lord would destroy Hell, and Destroying the Khan Maykr would destroy Urdak. Shatter it, to use the codex’s phrasing.

If this were the Khan Maykr’s life sphere, it would also explain why the Seraphim reacted violently when it was broken. The Maykrs are a hive mind, remember? They are all, to some extent, connected to the Khan. It wouldn’t necessarily impact Samur’s ability to survive or cause his death, but it would hurt. Which it obviously did.

(Side note here. It’s natural to think “well... if the Khan Maykr’s orb was destroyed, shouldn’t Samur be killed on the spot because that’s what happens when the ruler of a dimension is killed? I already talked about this in Another Post, but from the wording of the relevant codex entry, it seems like there is a fundamental difference between destroying a life sphere and killing a body containing a soul. Why? I don’t know.)

If we accept that this, then it’s apparent Samur is lying to the Doom Slayer throughout the whole of Ancient Gods Part I, telling him that this is the Father’s life sphere. This is both incredibly manipulative, would undo all of the work the Slayer did in Doom Eternal, and would score Samur major points with the Khan Maykr if it worked, possibly getting him un-banished. It seems pretty plausible to me from a character perspective, especially as he doesn’t have the Father watching him anymore.

So assuming you’re still with me, let’s move on to the big question here.

If that wasn’t the Father’s Life Sphere, where is it? 

It’s in the Ingmore’s Sanctum. Right with all the other spheres. That’s pretty clear from the Codexes and context clues. But... where? It’s supposedly hidden where none could find it. We’ve seen the life spheres: the Khan Maykr’s, the Dark Lord’s, and fourteen other much smaller spheres that apparently belong (according to the codex entry “Book Of The Seraphs - Part VI”) to minor gods the Father created and then discarded as “flawed.”

First of all... rude! Just because they aren’t as powerful doesn’t mean they should be subjected to this treatment. Look at them. They don’t even get to be up as high as the Khan Maykr and Dark Lord.

So small and delicate. A bit like an argent-packet from DOOM 2016 (Considering Argent is souls, this is fantastic continuity on the writers’ part). The Slayer could probably crush them in one hand just like those as well.

Their size matters, because it’s ultimately one half of the puzzle that reveals the location of the Father’s Life Sphere. Remember when I said that I’m assuming all soul-stuff behaves the same way? I didn’t say that all souls are created equal. I just said all soul-stuff can only get so dense. A soul that has a lot less stuff in it wouldn’t need as large of a life-sphere to contain it.

Notice that the Khan Maykr and the Dark Lord’s life spheres are significantly larger than the others. They have a lot more “stuff” to them. Why they have more isn’t clear. It could be because they’re just innately more powerful or they had a physical form for longer or they have a dimension connected to them. Regardless, it gives us a hint as to what might make The Father’s Life Sphere at least visually different from the ones in this image.

Whatever it is that makes the Khan and Davoth’s life spheres larger than the others, the Father is going to have much, much more. His life sphere is going to be capital-B Big. Huge.

The other factor is the color, because it obviously varies at least a little. The Khan’s is golden, the Dark Lord’s is a really gross purple-red that’s a lot like the Gore Nests. The other life spheres vary in color. We can assume, then, that the color of the sphere indicates something about the soul within it.

The Father, or at least VEGA, has a very strong association with light blue. His icon on Mars is blue, his electronics light up blue, the teleport energy is entirely blue.

So we’re looking for something roughly spherical, quite large, and blue. But I don’t see any life orbs that are--

When I tell you that I screamed while rewatching the cutscenes and noticed this, I am not exaggerating.

The Father’s Life-Sphere is right there. Hidden in plain sight. It is the sun lighting up the Ingmore’s Sanctum.

I actually think that the physical life-sphere is somewhere in the middle of that aura. It’s probably small enough that Samur, in his Seraphim form, can carry it without too much difficulty (as the codexes indicate he did for a while). The aura is because The Father isn’t sitting idly by, chilling, waiting for eternity to pass. He’s actively interacting with Urdak, trying to reseal it, and talking to the Doom Slayer, and probably looking over a hundred other dimensions simultaneously.

The point is that he’s there, alive, and very-much acting the victim at least until the Doom Slayer defeats Samur. How much of his distress on Urdak is genuine is up for debate, but one thing is for certain. The Doom Slayer didn’t crush his life sphere. He’s still very much alive and present.

Which is very good because if he wasn’t, I’m pretty sure that all of creation in the Doom universe would shatter like glass or else go absolutely haywire, and I don’t think anyone, even the Doom Slayer, really wants that to happen.

[maximura]

I usually read your tags because I love them. Honestly, your latest tag about the world not being that black and white gave me a little strenght. His supporters are being called stupid brainless trash on a daily basis and it really feels like a kick everytime. Everything happened so fast and people started to drag somebody based on a lot of mistranslation and one-sided reports. He was at wrong. It is a fact. He met with victims and apologised to them personally. I have to embrace the fact that he had behaviour issues in the past. Despite these facts, I think he already changed and the artist who is being dragged now and we defend, learned from his past because he saw that it could come and bite him in the a**. I believe that he learned and will try hard to be even better in the future. What makes me sad is the which-hunt against him. I cannot count how many accusations came to the surface in the past days but it feels like none of them are being treated like his case. In some other cases people even mentioned that the public wants to tear idols down to see them fall no matter what, but he never had this support from either side of the commenters. Twitter went crazy, fans tried to do everything out of love and fear but these actions did more harm than help. Anyways, I don't want to think that the competition made things worse but I cannot help it, it is the first thing which comes into my mind. I'm usually pessimistic and it feels like he won't return as he is treated like the worst desease in his country. I hope that fans will be able to accept whatever comes in the future for him. I hope that the victims will find peace and will be able to heal, nobody should blame them for something like speaking up. All of us have to move on one way or another. Some of us will stay, some of us will leave, it should be respected regardless. Thank you for supporting him and being active! As I said, it gives me strenght to see opinions like yours.

I just think a lot people make mistakes. To err is human, after all. Retribution is expected and the punishment should try to fit the crime. He was a shitty teenager, who on earth is even denying that? I sure as hell do not. But shitty teenagers especially should also be afforded the chance to change and grow, otherwise we’ll just get more shitty adults, and those are by far more scary and damaging to themselves and society. 

I’ve also experienced being called a “stupid blind stan”. I resent that notion. I’m not blind to his behaviour and I understand why the punishment is important but at the same time, it is interesting that they are punishing an adult for something he did as a child. I’d feel differently if he abused people as an adult but he was a child and I think that context is important. I won’t speak more on the punishments because if that’s how they do things over there in SK then I’ll respect it. It’s important for victims to get closure and find peace too. 

I know KPOP isn’t a big deal (to some people) and we’re all anonymous fans to him in the end but for me it’s the principle: I won’t immediately or reflex-abandon a person just because they made a mistake (that didn’t involve murder or a death). I personally just don’t think it’s helpful to society at large if we always just continue to abandon every single person who makes a mistake, especially if they’ve shown they’re not repeating the same behaviours moving forward.

I’m getting off topic here but honestly: What does that teach children? How does that help? Do people think there’s a mysterious land where “bad people” go? Nope. Unless you’ve got a life sentence, jails are not a forever pit stop either. These “bad people” eventually re-intergrate back into our society and we best hope someone has been supportive of their growth along the way. 

As to people saying, “if you don’t want to get into scandals, then don’t do bad things!”. I didn’t realise I was living with all these re-incarnations of the Good Lord Jesus Christ. Of course we should all strive to be “good” humans but we’re still humans after all. There are no perfect humans. Ever. 

Forgiveness is really hard. Trust is really hard. And I feel like he’s going to have to work so hard to gain either of those things back. How he moves forward is really his decision. He has to decide what kind of man he’s going to grow into. And he’s got a whole lot of growing up to do. 

[skybird13]

MORE FG Analysis....(I think I might have a problem)

I keep rewatching and rewatching the Clover and Qrow scenes we have so far and trying to see the bromance thing or the platonic buddies thing and I just... can’t? 

Look, I don’t run around with shipping goggles on if that means anything to anyone. I got through the entirety of The Lord of the Rings and the first two Hobbit movies without shipping a single couple (Martin Freeman and Richard Armitage punched me in the heart in the third Hobbit film, but that’s another tangent for another time). I wasn’t even fully on Bumblby until volume 4. 

There’s just no other way to view these scenes. Things keep escalating between these two. I don’t really have a good scale for measuring romantic/sexual tension, so I’ll just try to pinpoint the moments in which things tick up a notch or two. Starting with...

The Mine Scene

The baseline here is the casual conversation that Qrow initiates. From there, here are the beats:

Conversation turns personal very quickly, thanks to Qrow opening up

Clover catches Qrow

They engage the Grimm

Qrow warns Clover

Qrow shares his semblance (again... Qrow is the one to get personal, which I find extremely telling)

Clover shares his semblance (and puts Qrow at ease)

Clover flirts (look, I’m trying to be as objective atm as possible, but the wink, the smile, the eyebrow wiggle, the full-body lean, and the lingering stare as he turns around... I’m sorry, there’s no other word for that. I challenge anyone of you to replace Qrow with a woman, show it to someone who doesn’t watch RWBY, ask what the tone of this still-shot is, and find me a single person who will tell you it’s not romantically charged. I dare you.)

Qrow stares back (this is absolutely from a myriad of emotions running through him and I will not discount that, but can we all at least admit that he seems to come out of this shock in a pretty okay place?)

They reach the main cavern and... more flirting/showing off from Clover. (The toss, the smirk, the salute, and the fancy-ass backflip which, considering he hooks Kingfisher to the ceiling and goes zipping upwards directly after this (thank you @fairgame-is-endgame​) was completely unnecessary.) 

The joke! How did I miss this?? Qrow doesn’t joke about their semblances for the first time at Schnee manor. He does it here! (Sorry, I couldn’t get the dialogue in there with Qrow’s eyes open.)

Clover counters with: “Hmm. No. I’d chalk that one up to talent.” (Already highlighting the difference between their attitudes regarding their semblances. For Qrow, everything bad that happens is his fault. For Clover, semblance isn’t everything. A very healthy person for Qrow to be around, no?)

The Truck Scene

Now we shift to the truck scene. Again, trying to pinpoint the beats where the romantic tension clicks up or something significant happens:

Clover initiates conversation. (Apparently, him mentioning Ruby is enough to put people on edge, but might I point out a few things? (Jesus lord, this is turning into another essay.) He brings up Ruby as “[Qrow’s] niece”, first of all. And that’s it. You know where he shifts the focus from there? On to Qrow. This is Clover’s next line in this exchange: “It’s a good thing they had someone to look up to and get them through it. Not everyone is so lucky.” Real nefarious there, guys. Way to have Master Spy Clover probe for info. Oh, don’t get me wrong. Clover is absolutely probing here but it’s for another reason entirely.)

Qrow shifts from being closed off and a little taciturn to making sure the conversation doesn’t drop. (He thanks Clover in case anyone wants me to be specific about that). 

Qrow gets personal. Again. He opens up about being an alcoholic.

And the peak of this scene? Clover calls Qrow on his self-deprecating habits and tries to offer him something solid and good to hold on to. Which I and others have written about ad nauseum, to the point where repeating myself is getting annoying, so have some visual aids instead:

James’s Office

Non-verbal communication. Here, surrounded by people that both Clover and Qrow know better than they know each other at this point, and their first instinct in this moment is still to seek each other out. Enough said.

Schnee Manor

The second inside joke between them about their semblances. 

Qrow flirts openly. Similar to Clover’s “You’ve had more of an effect on them than you realize” line delivery here, Qrow’s “I mean, they already invited you, didn’t they?” carries a very specific and multilayered tone. He’s playful, he’s open, he’s relaxed, he’s enjoying himself, and yes, the man is flirting. It’s in the voice, it’s in the smile, it’s in the body language. And it is absolutely in the lingering stare as Clover walks through the door (a mirror of Clover’s lingering stare in the mines, btw).

Final thoughts/speculation

Does anyone want them? You’re gonna get ‘em. 

I think the fact that Qrow is the one who gets personal when he has every damn reason right now to be guarded is ridiculously significant. In the last two volumes before this, his sister tried to have him murdered, a long-trusted colleague (Lionheart) turned out to be a traitor, and Oz was revealed to be a massive liar (I love Oz, I really do, but the man screwed up). Qrow has no reason to drop his walls for just anyone so you know what this tells me? He’s interested in Clover from the beginning. Qrow’s early-stage flirting style isn’t to wink and show-off (at least not anymore), it’s to lower his guard and see how the other person responds. I think he’s gotten to the point of “if you can’t deal with my ugly shit, you won’t be getting the rest of me either”. Qrow Branwen is doing a little probing of his own and, in light of this, you could make the argument that he’s the one to open the door for their relationship to happen. 

Clover’s early-stage flirting style, on the other hand, is very overt. He’s more guarded about himself personally (notice how he keeps the focus on Qrow quite a bit and even does a bit of deflecting of his own in the truck scene) but he is perfectly comfortable with making his interest known in a very straightforward and physical manner. 

There are reasons for this!! Reasons deeply intertwined with character and who these men are.

Qrow sees himself as the eternal monkey wrench that no one wants. He’s finally starting to recover from this viewpoint, I think, but he’s also very aware that no matter how healthy he might get, he is always going to come with a little... extra. He has his semblance, he has his depression, and he has his alcoholism. He’s tired of secrets and he’s tired of games, and if he’s going to get involved with someone, they sure as hell better be ready to deal with all of that, because it’s not going anywhere. The solution? Put it all out there and see how the person responds. He gets the wrong response, he’s going to shut that down and move on. The right response?? He’s going to keep moving forward to see where it goes. Clover is giving him all the right responses.

As for Clover, he’s not only military but he’s also the leader of the elite Ace Ops and the man with the good-luck semblance. I know we don’t have a lot on him, but I suspect that the pressures of all that get to him quite a lot, to the point where he has major trouble being personally vulnerable for anyone. He’s probably used to having to keep it together at all times, to presenting that tightly controlled professionalism he displays with Robyn and even with Jacques Schnee to a degree. He’s used to everyone else relying on him, including James. This means that even in the presence of mutual interest, he’s going to flirt in ways that are emotionally safe, at least at first. 

The balance inherent in this is so unbelievably beautiful. And, I’m starting to realize, a complete subversion of early expectations. 

Qrow isn’t the one who has to learn to open up. He’s already doing that. What he will have to do is learn to accept someone (outside of his nieces) loving him without strings attached. He’ll have to learn to trust that Clover (and by extension their relationship) isn’t going anywhere, even if/when things get bad. Clover can be the one who stays. 

Clover, on the other hand, is the one who is going to have to learn to open up. He’s going to have to learn how to return that emotional vulnerability that Qrow has already given him, and he’s going to have to learn that Qrow can be the safe place where all that confidence and self-control can finally drop. Clover might have to be the unshakeable support structure for everyone else in his life, but Qrow can be the one place where he can lean and just breathe.

[lokemikaze]

Zuka Rant: Part 2 (2016 Yuki - Don Juan)

okay so. for some reason, the gang in the zuka server decided they wanted to torture me, and introduced me to the 2016 yukigumi don juan. i thought i was prepared, but uhhh apparently not - i didn’t expect this amount of pAIN D: i’m legit gonna spend the next week crying about this

if you don’t already know, don juan is a “womanizer” trash man who brings shame upon his family and doesn’t appreciate the people who love him - until he meets maria, who he for some reason falls head over heels for and ends up dying for. that is not the main focus of this essay, though; my wish is to expand upon my thoughts about don juan’s relation to mental illness. please note that this will touch upon heavy themes, including Bad Coping Mechanisms. i’ll say it again:

TRIGGER WARNING FOR DARK THEMES LIKE alcoholism and self-harm

so. where to start. perhaps i should first make a disclaimer and say that while i am quite Experienced with mental illness, i am by no means an expert, and everything i write here will be my own personal opinions and over-analysis. i also know nothing about the history of this musical etc., i went into this blindly and got punched by the pain

when we first meet juan (played by the amazing daimon, who does such a good job), he is at a bar, surrounded by women. he smiles his gorgeous little smile, and dear gods we’re all taken by this utter trash man. he pushes the ones who love him away in favour of having yet another fling as he empties another bottle. does this seem healthy? nah fam, this is a textbook example of actual self-harm - he may not even realise it himself, but the way he is dealing with his inner struggles is to drown it in alcohol and s*x. it is harmful to both body and mind, yet he uses it to push away the harsh reality and ignore his own emotions

there’s a very touching scene where we get to see young don juan with his mother as she dies. i think this is perhaps where some of his struggles started - he seemed to be struggling slightly even before this, but this is of course a moment that deeply affects him. he throws away his cross necklace, cursing god, and from then we can only imagine the path he took to get to the present. there is a very big chance he hasn’t actually dealt with the grief and trauma from seeing his mother die, and has instead repressed it. for years. and you know what we say about repressing emotions? uhh yeah it’s not good

so as i see it, the juan we meet at the beginning of this musical is a broken man who does not want to acknowledge that he is broken. he shows obvious signs of depression (i.e. pushing people away, losing interest in i.e. the women he desire), and he spends his days (unconsciously?) self-harming. he hides behind a smiling mask, when in reality he is filled with so much anger and grief, and probably - judging by his reactions later - is really out of touch with his emotions, unable to grasp any of them. it is, in fact, Sad Boie Hours

then, the ghost appears. or is it a ghost? i see this as a figment of juan’s mind - perhaps a hallucination? he clearly believes what he’s seeing is real, but nobody else can see what he sees. he is distressed by this (obviously), and reacts violently bc that’s the only way he knows to act. we can see him slowly losing his grip on reality, unable to make out the difference. as someone who has at several points in my life had hallucinations, i can confirm that the way he is acting is indeed very realistic for someone in that situation. not to mention that he’s haunted by guilt and trauma and all those emotions he has pushed down for so long. he loses some of the control he has over himself due to the extreme mental anguish he is going through.

then, he meets maria. it is love at first sight. he sees her, and talks to her, and cannot grasp - what is this feeling? why does it hurt, why does it feel like everything is changing? he finally has something that feels light in his life, something that ‘sparks joy’. maria gives him what no one else have been able to - a positive feeling that shines through the darkness of his struggles. he swears to change for her, to abandon his old ways and start a new and better life, and this is where i need to rant a bit about the costumes

as i said in my previous essay, i am a Costume Nerd, and i was a lot more pleased with the costumes of this production than in 2009 zukabeth (still salty). there aren’t many costume changes, but there doesn’t need to be. juan’s first outfit is such a Vibe, and i absolutely love it - and it’s completely full-on black. only black. however, after he meets maria and pledges to change, his costume also changes. he now has not only really pretty sparkle, but *white*. his all-black has adapted to include touches of white. there are of course multiple meanings that could be read into this, but what does it mean judging from the mental health viewpoint? well, black is often associated with depression and dark thoughts (hence the name *dark* thoughts), while white is associated with purity, joy and hope. my theory is that juan’s previously hopeless existence now has hope, something he wants to live for, someone he loves and cherishes and who keeps him going. there is light at the end of the dark tunnel, so to say.

then, maria’s fiance comes back from war and confronts juan. they agree upon a duel, and juan has what seems to be a panic attack. all of a sudden, the fragile happiness he created with maria is broken, and everything comes flooding back - including his hallucination ghost. in a following scene, he is seen with his (absolutely gay) friend, who tries to convince him to Not Do This. the ghost follows, and we see that juan is once again losing his grip on reality, lashing out and refusing to listen to reason. when the duel scene arrives, juan’s costume is back to the full black. his hope is gone, and he has reverted back into the anguished man he was.

in the beginning of the duel, juan fights mercilessly, wounding his enemy several times, each time getting more and more out of control. he sees this man as the obstacle between himself and the hope he tried to cling on to, and now that he has had a taste of happiness, he wants it back. he aims to kill, and gets angry when his target won’t. stop. getting. up!! this is when the good old hallucination ghost once again appears, telling him that he is only procrastinating the inevitable, that if he wins, he will lose anyway due to the sin of killing another man. you can *see* the moment when juan’s last grip on reality shatters, and from then on out there’s no hope of it ending well. he has given up hope, he has given in to the darkness, he has accepted as a fact that there is no good outcome for him. if he lives on, he will be plagued by his own struggles, unable to find a way out of the deep dark hole his mind has plunged him into. and so, he does the only thing that seems logical, and basically throws himself at his enemy’s blade. he states that this way, maybe he can live on in the love between himself and maria. my belief is that it was a simple way to commit s*icide that didn’t involve him having to actually do it himself. it makes it seem ‘accidental’, and lays the blame on someone else. 

and so, don juan dies. a painful, harsh death that absolutely punched my heart and wrenched the sobs from my throat (thanks for enabling my hyper empathy, daimon, well done). he dies with little else than the vague hope that maybe, he can die with love, and that something good will come from it all. a man who got too little time, made too many bad decisions, and had too many issues that he should’ve gotten help with ages ago goddammit. it is questionable if he was fully aware of his decision, being fully lost to his own mind by then, but what is unquestionable is that he suffered a lot. his entire life was filled with suffering, hidden behind a cocky smile. 

if you’ve read all the way here, thank you for considering what i had to say. i hope i remembered everything i wanted to say. i have no way to conclude this, other than to say “thanks, i hate this” to the sadists who threw me into this. it is a heartwrenching story that i honestly can relate to a little too much to (no, i am not a murderer nor a womanizer), and i felt don juan’s pain on a deep level. have i read way too much into it all? probably. then again, that’s the beauty of fiction - we all have our own experiences which affect the impression it leaves us with. and to me, takarazuka’s don juan isn’t about a cocky bastard who got too full of himself - it’s about a young man so filled with pain that it led to his demise.

[krayfishthetypelessblob]

I saw someone else do this so I hope it's okay to ask: what do you think of each MBTI type?

This is fine, I am always open to questions (technical or not), my responses are just occasionally a lot slower than I’d like.  Uhh no one take my responses too personally, is is going to be very subjective?

ISTJ: Unpopular opinion, but have my favorite sense of humor.  I’d prefer this type over my own, dunno why I decided to skew towards high Fe. Highly sarcastic, often 10x less organized and put together than they seem or stereotypes make them out to be.  Seem to vary between being very judgmental and almost emo in their staunch conviction to their values or seem to not give 2 shits about anything....  I know a lot of 9 core ISTJs.  Should be given the cooking stereotype that ISFJ has, lots of very angry bakers in this category.

INTJs: I’ve only met/confirmed them through the internet.  Again, same morbid/dry sense of humor as the above, fantastic to conversate with.  Similarly to ISTJ, not half as calculating as they’re made out to be.  Tend to be very outwardly disagreeable but with the capacity for being sympathetic and reasonable.  Seem to rate themselves as very logical, but more moved by their values and feelings than they expect.  

ESTJs:  Tend to avoid me and I tend to avoid them purely because we both seem to respect that we’d probably never agree on anything and we think very differently.  Very likable function stack in theory.  Inferior Fi is stil a lot edgier than you’d expect it to be and also incredibly stubborn.  This is my brothers type, if paired with cp6 and 7 have no patience for anyone’s opinions but their own nor anyone trying to control them by any means.  Only rule oriented when they agree with the rules.  Tend to have a streak of paranoia.  I value them in work settings because even though they sometimes get really stubborn are often reasonable people.

ENTJ: My only conception of this type is my great grandma, who is both an 8w9 and soc blind to add on to this type, and an close old friend of mine, who was 8w7 so/sp core.  Tert Se is quite a drug I’ll tell you.  I suppose they’re likely more reasonable without the 8?  Force of nature, hella interesting, fairly self righteous though.  Stubborn as an ox.

ISTP: The embodiment of cool.  Every one of the ISTPs I’ve met has been a walking stereotype.  Machines?  Check.  Sk8bords? If not, they vibe like the punk who would ride one.  Generally likable and even keeled, high Se makes up for lackluster Fe in my opinion.   I envy their ability to work in the real world, often highly creative too in their endevours. 

INTP: Tend to be drastic introverts, but very interesting to talk to.  Tend to be fairly self righteous, but realistically they have some leway with that because they typically know what they’re talking about?  Really cute when they are talking about things that they’re interested in because you can just tell that they’re really interested and they loose themselves in that despite their apathy.

ESTP: Generally, I initially really hate this type among first meeting them because I really grate with Se.  After speaking to them for more than like a week though, I typically feel a strong draw to them.  Se is such a weird function and very counter to everything that I’ve worked with, incredibly interesting to speak with about how they experience the world.  Their mind is just as quick as they are at adapting and working on their feet.  My closer friends have been of this type.

ENTP: Another one who is really cute when they talk about their interests, often a massive dork.  Tend to give more of a shit about people than they think they do, though they struggle to accept this aspect of themselves I guess.  Often think they’re the of pinickle of knowledge but struggle to understand the difference between a value judgement and their own logic sometimes.  Engaging conversator, loves sharing their opinions, another quick thinker. Intelligent dumbass is a really good description.

ISFJ: Give or take.  Either the nicest person you’d ever meet or a skilled manipulator.  Often very competent, often just as passive.  

INFJ: I actually know very few of these types, and most of them have a 7 fix or influence.  It’s just really weird because they are thrill seeking but slow af.  Either a 7 page paragraph for every thought or like... They won’t explain anything because they “just know” and the latter annoys me a lot.  Don’t like to admit they’re wrong, but great/interesting to conversate with in general.

ESFJ: Another give or take.  Have a strange capacity to be the most horrifying person you’ll ever meet.  Another case of self-righteous syndrome sometimes.  There are actually some reasonable members of this type though that I find really likeable because of their enthusiasm and their empathy (when they genuinely have it and aren’t just saying they’re an empath).  My mother is this and I get along with her as well, she’s fairly logical though/understands where her emotions end and are open to others feeling differently.  

ENFJ: I actually don’t usually get along with this type unless they have a 2 fix, and more often it’s a 3 fix.  I’m not sure why, I just find them annoying?  I had a friend who was this type and he was really cool and likable (2w3 so/sp core), deep and ethical thinking, bit of a sjw but I could get past that.  3 core ENFJ is the worst combination for type (purely in terms of my ability to tolerate them), I’m sorry if this applies to you.  Nontheless, I enjoy high Fe enthusiasm in general.

ISFP: Chill, genuiine, and artsy, often either very creative or very... Ditsy.  Often incredibly loyal and a big fan of the underdog and more than willing to accommodate them.  Very inclined to be a 9 core.  Rock music fans.  Generally very easy to like, but can also be very self absorbed and touchy.  Their world view is very much based on how they feel about things, but that’s just Fi in general I guess.  Very easy to manipulate.

INFP: The above is basically true for INFP, except INFPs are less chill.  They tend to think they’re chill, but they’re often not (with a few exceptions).  Another deep conversator that I enjoy at 1 am in particular.

ESFP: I’ve made one good friend with this type and I’d think we are almost complete opposites.  I have the same sort of issue with them I have with ESTP, Se just grates me.  Tend to project a lot, but are often really well meaning and creative.  Really enjoy philosophy, also tend to have a cute kind of enthusiasm when they let it show.  Either emo and adventurous or loud and comedic, I find very little in between

ENFP: Another very intelligent dumbass in the sense that they can explain a theory to you flawlessly then accidentally walk off a cliff.  Sometimes think they’re the pinikle of logic, but conflate knowing a lot with being logical.  Can be an interesting conversator, but can also be drastically self absorbed and self righteous, primarily if they’re 3 fixed.   Fairly interesting to interact with, often fairly neat takes on things.  Members of this type who aren’t my father are often very likable.