what’s a devil to do - harley poe || @antithcsis for percy
okay so just to be clear, i have this song on his playlist referring to the years prior to percy joining vox machina. i know the information we have about what he’s doing is pretty limited. we know he’s seeking revenge, tracking down anna ripley to the best of his ability & tearing through aything & anyone who gets in his way. i think during this time orthax has a lot of influence over him because it is the first time he’s had to grapple with such extreme rage & it’s like the Perfect Opportunity for a demon to encourage evil to be inflicted into this world.
though percy grapples with the morality of it all a lot & fights himself on it, he also views morality as relative to the situation. he doesn’t know that the demon orthax is influence him, enouraging & tending to the darkness percy had already began to grow. but what is most terrifying to him is that he kind of likes it. he kind of likes the power in the palm of his hand, the scent of gunpowder & gore. it’s the most power he’s had since his family was killed & it’s the power he’s going to use to avenge them. so of course he gets tunnel vision. he starts hand feeding the darkest parts of himself.
vox machina quite literally saves percy from himself. he’s still stubborn & makes hasty decisions but they encourage the good that’s always been in him. even when they’re being a bunch of assholes, they make him want to be better. even if he won’t admit this.... but that’s a different conversation entirely. i’m gonna dig into a few specific lines
I was born from an angel, she raised me properly I knew what I wasn't to do, I knew what I wasn't to see But when you reach a certain age, your destiny it comes to life So don't you bite the hand that feeds you, or it may cut you with its knife
percy was raised to be a kind kid. it was' always a super loving environment but his parents raised him to be good as they could. he was given the opportunity to thrive & grow on his own terms. he began inventing because he wanted to make life better for those around him, to help advance the technology in whitestone to the best of his ability. he knew that as a de rolo it was his responsibility to be good to his people the best way you know how to. there was always the scratch that he could use his brain for something ore devastating, but it was never his intention to use his brain to put weapons into this world. to make it more violent.
but when he got older & the briarwoods betrayed his family???? his destiny became more clear. he knew if he ever escaped he would reject those expectations of kindness. the people who taught him to serve his fellow man were dead, rotting in shallow graves if they were even alotted that decency. where percy could have become an asset to the briarwoods if they hadn’t killed his family & tortured he & his sister, instead they forge the only two people that can take them down. percy has a line in the show that is like ‘ i am what they made me ‘ while lamenting about the cruelty it takes to exact his vengance. they tortured the kindness right out of him via meathook & co
It permeates all through my bones I let it live, I help it grow I said my cup it runeth over, well I'm gonna let it flow So I shot a man in Indy, just to watch him die
of course as orthax gains more influence over percy, his cruelty grows. what was once a nescessity is almost sport. not saying that he is hunting people for sport but there is such control in taking a man’s life that in the moment, on occasion, he almost likes it. of course this is a sentiment he beats himself up about because he wants to make better decisions. he wants to value life. but it’s hard when you have a ps5 in your brain telling you to kill all your friends.
the cruelty is so deeply a part of him at one point that he thinks it will always be so. so he doesn’t always fight it? not until he understands that it’s not just him. he is not the only one making these decisions. when he understands that orthax is a demon it’s the first time he considers that he can be an ok person, which is the first step to embracing good.
There was a time when I could see My hopes and dreams, they are no more I'm not a rich man, but blessed are the poor Oh man, forgive me, I turned away I won't come back, so I'll have to pay
ahhhh yes. here is that theme i love about losing the future someone thought they were going to have & being unable to visualize a future without those hopes. he spent his whole life thinking about who he would be, who he could help, where he would fit into his family & then it’s all gone one day. his new future only goes as far as bloodshed & he has no idea what happens next. he thinks he’s the last de rolo for a long time but he is unwilling to rule. cruelty wouldn’t suit his people well & he’d already proven himself to be so. of course this perception shifts when he finds out he has a sister [ cassandra ] who survived... but until cassandra, the only plans he had were to kill. regardless of the price. but cassandra being alive changes everything, it makes him want to not only survive but live as well. but tht doesn’t change the fact that he was stuck there for soooo long.
also the allusion to him not being rich anymore. i am constantly thinking about how he went from having endless privledge, the finest things, so much opportunity to sleeping barefoot on the icy streets because he had nowhere else to go when he escaped from the briarwoods. but there is also useful anonymity in being poor, being someone people don’t look at. blessed are the poor bcs no one is going to notice the blood spatter up their arm when fleeing a murder scene u know ???
I wasn't made to be their robot And I ain't nobody's foolI am the goat that got away But I know there will come a day When I'll be punished for my mind 'Cause I led myself astray I am a work of art, I know I was created down below
ahhhhh yes. yes yes yes. though the briarwoods made him he is unwilling to be used by them. he is unwilling to be a pawn. he plans to be a catalyst, the catalyst that changes their life as they were that to him. in his rage he doesn’t consider the guilt. the rest of his life he faces the consequences of making his gun, of putting forth that kind of technology into the world. it changes warfare forever when more people start making them [ ana ripley literally has a line about spreading the idea just because she knows that it will make percy FURIOUS to know people are making guns & putting more of that evil into the world ]
but it isn’t about that when he makes his first gun. it’s about revenge, it’s about mad genius, it’s about walking the path he’d set in front of him regardless of the consequence. but there will always be a tinge of pride he has in his invention, mixed in with the guilt & everything else. he made something that was not in the world beforehand. something that has helped fell vampires, dragons, motherfucking ana ripley. though he inflicted evil onto this world it can’t be undone. so why not reclaim it? why not use it to protect the world & those he loves that live in it.
Oh man, forgive me, I turned away I won't come back, so I'll have to payI have to pay I have to pay
while we’re on the subject of the guilt when he passes this time where he embraces the darkest parts of him, he looks back & knows how wrong he was. rage is not all a person is & he comes to understand this with a lot of healing. it doesn’t undo the things he’s made, the things he’s done but it does give him a deeper understanding & appreciation of what doing good in the world can do. what a person is capable of, regardless of what they think of themselves. no man is truly righteous, just as no man is truly evil. there is cruelty in all of us it is just a matter of deciding what to do with it.
