#anxiety is hell

[antiph]

A Short Story inspired by Octavia Butler's "Bloodchild"

So uh

Here’s a thing I wrote back in highschool

I’m mostly posting it so that my recently created Ao3 account isn’t awkward and empty

[lucielovekj]

I hate getting anxiety over dumb shit because you can’t talk it out properly bc it sounds so ridiculous (bc it is and you know that but you can’t get rid of it) so it just festers in ur mind getting slowly worse for n o r e a s o n

[myturtlespeedy]

Me, seeing a post I can’t read: WELP THATS IT IVE HAD A STROKE I GUESS IT FINALLY HAPPENED TIME TO LIVE OUT WHATS LEFT OF MY LIFE AT HOME BEING SPOON FED SOUP OR SOMETHING IVE HAD A GOOD RUN ITS BEEN NICE KNOWING ALL OF YOU.

Me, scrolling a bit further: oh it’s just one of those Russian posts in another language. I guess I have to keep going to work everyday.

[schimmelspore]

.

I feel sick. Ive been having a 2h anxiety attack since i somewhat eole up and it kept me from finishing things, which is now making the anxiety worse, because the packers arrive in a little over an hour. Ive been having crying fots and breakdowns so much these past two weeks. Im exhausted. I just want to curl up and not exist for a while. Its so bad rn and it hasnt been this bad in a really long time.

I just want this move to be over, i want my bed to stand and i want to just be left alone when things are done tonight, because me kitchen gets delivered friday morning so i cant sleep in. Then we build the kitchen. Then my dad will probably insist on me coming with them for a birthday dinner, but really, for once i couldnt care less that its my fucking biethday tomorrow.

I just wanna get the shit i need help for done as quickly as possible and then i will enter hermit Mode and vanish from the face of the earth for a while.

Im holding on by a fucking string and im so so tired

[inky-starlight]

Having one of those nights where my brain keeps going in circles, cause I have a friend who will respond to group chat messages but not private ones and my brain is doing that “oh golly did I do something? are they mad at me? stop making shit about you! but if I did something I want to apologize! But also I don’t want to keep messaging them if they really are mad or if I’m being annoying! but also I’m worried about them!” 

[shonan-gumi]

[sparksrh]

It's okay, face it!

I used to think that there's a bright side to every shitty situation no matter how bad it is, untill I got into this issue and it changed the way I think. I hated every single thing about it. This fear I had, didn't only change my mind but it controlled my life so I decided that there's no bright side to this. It is a dark place I'm locked in, either I find the way out or I'm stuck in pure blackness forever.

On the way of solving my problem I start digging for ways to escape it, to distract my mind and convince myself that it was only an illusion, that nothing of this is real. I set goals and begin working hard to achieve them. Then later I start wanting  for everything am doing to be perfect, and not just a way to push my fear away. And when I was halfway through I released that there is a bright side. I learned, the hard way, that I NEED A CHANGE. My fear dropped  all the curtains down and revealed a much better life I'm gratefull for.

I'm not over my fear yet, but I won't stop. Not now.

[sabulana]

This week has been hell in terms of my anxiety so I've taken today off work as a self care day. I've got an appointment tomorrow with someone from the local psychological wellbeing service and I've been working through the handouts from my managing mood course this morning, with some calming music in the background. Later, I may go shopping for halloween type stuff to cheer myself up or just sit and chill with the dog in front of the tv.