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hiding from discord bc what if my friends secretly find me hella annoying because everything i do is starting to feel extremely annoying

#some of discord friends may see this #aint yalls fault #its mine #dw about it friends #bonsai's tea #anxiety #social anxiety #anxious post

REBLOG IF YOU ARE GOING TO DO IT FOR CREAMY

whoever you who happen to read this, wherever you are now and which country do you guys live in, please stay safe from the covid19. wash your hands as frequent as you can, eat well, and stay healthy.

i’m writing this in my 3rd day of quarantine since the state in my country is getting worse, it keeps worsening and i’m pretty much concerned with what we’ve been through here in this country. i’m angry at how my gov handled this but even angrier with some stupid ignorant citizens who decided to take a goddamn vacation when they were granted 14 days off, refusing to do social distancing and self isolation. boi, even some social gathering is still occuring. istg i really want to burn them alive. i have nothing to say. i’m ... exasperated. and im kinda sad because i really want to go home, going back to my city and gather with my fam, but i really understand this current situation and i don’t want to put my fam and myself in danger so i’m staying in my dorm haha.....

(btw! during my quarantine days my daily routine sucks except that i can draw so much spuk doodles every damn minutes😂😂)

once again, stay safe! sending all my prayers for y’all!

#post #personal #rant #anxious post

art rant 2020, the covid has broken me

Probably -- strong maybe-- gonna not update my art here on tumblr. I can still make content, I guess, but I want to transition into making my own art website. Maybe I’ll just post WIPs ...maybe that’s more sensible.

I think I’ve developed a poor mindset over the years about my art, and the thing is that I have to be okay with never getting attention or reblogs on pieces of work that have taken me hours, maybe days to work on. Like those things don’t define the value of my artwork and it’s the sort of thing that has poisoned my mind.

Like of course who doesn’t want to wake up to find their work has garnered thousands of likes and comments, but I think that maybe the few times it’s happened to me it just ultimately leaves me wanting more of something I can’t predictably attain.

I’ll paint for hours and enjoy what I’m doing and then I post it online and maybe get a handful of likes ( bless b/c someone saw it!) . There is nothing wrong with that --- no one has to reblog anything from anyone --ever. No one owes anyone anything--not even their attention --- on these websites. Thing is I tell myself “ well it just wasn’t good enough” and then I get really bitter and I turn what I loved doing into an exercise about how much of a waste of time it was.

Then I burn out, instead of working on the next idea, I obsess about how a piece didn’t make it, or how “no one cares” and it’s just fucking pathetic. I don’t know what I’ll do professionally, if I’ll ever “make it” but I know that I”m not going anywhere by confusing likes for success or something.

I probably just need to calm down, I’m overcome with a lot anxiety over the state of the world, my mortality and how my life at my age would be seen by many people as a waste of...everything. And of all times in my life i have all the time to draw and write and I’m just not doing either one.

TL;DR:

Artists out there are there other art platforms that are better for mental health and motivation?

#about me #anxious post #anyone out there have any ideas?