Attachment
Securely Attached: Securely attached couples have high self-esteem and do not fear closeness. They enjoy feelings of love and trust their partner's displays of love. They are usually willing to change their own behaviors and overlook their partner's faults (Smith & Mackie, 2000). People in this category of attachment feel comfortable depending on others and having others depend on them. One major benefit of a securely attached relationship is that couples deal with conflicts constructively (Smith & Mackie, 2000). They tend to see conflict as an opportunity to communicate and share their feelings. Resolving a conflict can strengthen their confidence in their partner and in the relationship. This sort of attachment is very healthy in a relationship and usually brings the couple closer together. Avoidant: Individuals in the avoidant category are fearful of emotional dependency which can limit their ability to develop intimate relationships (Simpson & Rholes, 1998). In times of conflict, avoidant people do not show distress or anger during interaction, they are more prone to turning to passive-aggressive behaviors. These in turn can lead to feelings of resentment. After a conflict, they are more likely to see their relationship as less close. Avoidant individuals do not look for help or support from their partner. In fact, they may alienate helpers due to their possessive, dependent or controlling ways (Simpson & Rholes, 1998). This sort of attachment can be potentially dangerous to the relationship Anxious-Ambivalent: Anxious-ambivalent attachment usually leads to jealous forms of love. People in this category tend to have low levels of trust and interdependence, and they are usually less satisfied with their relationship than are securely attached partners. Since they feel an excessive desire to merge with their partner, they tend to be "clingy, suspicious, dependent, jealous, controlling and even at times domineering" (Simpson & Rholes, 1998: 168). They tend to worry excessively that their partner does not love them or is going to leave them; therefore, they feel underappreciated, and see others as undependable. Any conflict with their partner can make them feel more anxious and stressful. Due to their fears of loss and abandonment, discussing relationship problems can be difficult. Conflict usually brings about doubts and negativity about the relationship or the partner. Furthermore, after a fight they see the relationship as having less love and commitment. In coping with such feelings, they try to prepare themselves for the loss of the relationship by derogating their partner. This is a type of attachment that can drive people away from each other and potentially put an end to the relationship.