WHAT’S THE STRANGEST DREAM YOU’VE EVER HAD?
Aphrodite: So I was in like a zoo or something and I was running from some dude who was chasing me, and the best way to escape seemed to be through the monkey habitat. But it was real dark in there, I mean just pitch black. And I’m not saying I’m afraid of the dark or anything but man was it DARK. Anyways, as I was going through, a grown ass monkey, the size of a tall human came up to me – it was walking on it’s back legs too – and it started talking to me in French. Now I don’t speak French, so I don’t know if it was legit, but it seemed like it wanted to sell me the shirt that it was wearing. And then I woke up. And now I’ll never know what it was trying to tell me.
Hermes: I had an extra arm. It wasn’t anything weird or like that, it was just chilling there. And then someone wearing red boxer gloves came up to me and asked what it was like to have a third arm and I was going to say something really witty, but instead I just held up my extra arm and it was covered in ranch dressing, but you know, even in my dream I can’t embarrass myself like that so I played it cool and said it was my dipping arm. Then I woke up hungry for chicken strips…
Dionysus: The weirdest dream I ever had… Hah, that’s a good one. So I went to Puerto Rico for some reason and I dreamt that on the way there I forgot where I was going. So naturally I did what everyone would have done and stopped by a gas station to ask where the road that I was on lead to. The guy looked at me a little weird but he told me it was leading to San Juan and that made me remember that I was actually going to a birthday party or something. But just as I was leaving the gas station, the same dude came running after me telling me that I’ll have to pay for those bottles of tequila I just drank and I was all like “what dude” and he punched me in the face and… hold on… this may have happened in real life.
Hephaestus: I dreamt that I was a chicken. I mean physically I still looked like me, but like… I was a chicken. I was all me except that I knew I was a lil chicken. It’s kind of hard to explain, but it made real sense when it was happening.
Hestia: I dreamt that… *sighs* and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this, because I know it’s gonna come back to bite me in the ass later, but I dreamt that I had sex with Athena… It was nothing special, but a little part of me knew it was wrong even while we were doing it. So here’ something I never thought I’d share.
Ares: I somehow avoided my own execution. I was down with the whole thing and all, I mean I probably did something to deserve it or I don’t know but when the people kept putting the loop around my neck, it just kept sliding off so they got annoyed and let me go free. I also distinctly remember finding a half used stick of butter in my sock when I woke up that morning.
Artemis: I dreamt that I was back in high school again and I had to make a presentation on a war of my choice and I chose WW II but when the time came to do it, the teacher got really angry and said that this was not a joke and I should take the assignment more seriously and I was all “why tho” and then he tells me that there is no such thing as a “World War” and I should feel stupid for even coming up with the idea that the whole world would go into war let alone that there would be two wars. And then I said “but it wasn’t the whole world” and he asked me what it was instead and I started naming countries that were involved but when I got to Japan he shrugged and told me to go to the principal’s office because I was clearly making fun of him and I should have done a better job at least coming up with believable fake country names, because “Japan” sounds stupid.
Apollo: It was a horrible nightmare. Everything seemed fine, I woke up in a fluffy bed, and the sun was shining, birds were chirping. I went to my closet to get dressed, I opened it and that’s when I realized I was still dreaming! It was full of *voice breaks* CARGO SHORTS! But that’s not all. They were… they were camouflage patterned!!
Demeter: I got lost in an IKEA but every time I thought I had figured it out, the little arrows on the floor all changed directions and I had to start over. Then some guy came up to me and asked if I needed help, and when I said yes, he just shoved like 20 of those little meatballs in my mouth and left.
Athena: The weirdest? I had a dream that my dad came out to the whole family at dinner by presenting a fried rooster and a chicken and he had us each guess which one he had sex with before we had to eat them. After we all guessed, he stood up on the table and a gigantic banner fell from the ceiling that said “GOTCHA LIL BITCHES” and then he told us he’d slept with both of those because he was friesexual.
Persephone: I made friends with a bunch of drunk young college girls in a donut shop, and minutes after that the news went on and I found out the girls were actually highly dangerous wanted criminals. Then they took me in the gang and we robbed two banks. I killed like at least 10 police guys, it was awesome. After the heists, when we were safe, and we were counting the money, they all looked a bit weird and then the leader of them – Jessica, or something – took off her face! It was a mask she was wearing and they were all me! They were just 6 copies of me. Then I killed them too and ran off with the money.
Hera: I shaved my head. That’s it, that’s the whole dream. It was just the whole process of washing my hair then going at it with an electric razor and then meticulously shaving it by hand with a regular razor. I was alone in a bathroom and I was just calmly shaving my head.
Poseidon: In my weirdest dream, I was pregnant. With triplets! But what was even stranger that everybody seemed to be real freaked out about it, except for me. I was stroking my belly, wearing those stretchy pants, living my best life while people were going out of their way to not cross paths with me on the street. Come to think of it, maybe I should get pregnant for real so everyone would just leave me alone for a damn second.
Hades: Okay now I don’t remember what the dream was about, but the thing that stuck with me was that I kept leaving the house to go somewhere and every time I came back, Cerberus had more and more heads. At first I was just like “hey, is there something wrong with the dog?” but then I kept going out and he kept growing heads and by the end he had to have his own house because his heads couldn’t fit.
Zeus: It… had some bulls in it, but I don’t really wanna talk about it publicly.
