I'm currently having an introspective moment and looking deeper into this aporagender side of my bigender identity. I'm not sure what my relationship is to neutrality other than that it is a passive aspect of my maleness, something that "softens" it into something more like demimalehood. But I'm also aporagender, and I relate to the part of the definition that says it's a "strong and specific gendered feeling." Neutrality is not strong. It can influence. It can combine with other elements. But it doesn't feel like it's "strongly gendered."
I'm thinking that my neutrality ebbs and flows, that some days my genders are closer to neutrality while other days my genders move farther away from it. And because this is a change in the presence of gendered aspects or qualities, but my genders themselves don't change, I don't consider myself genderfluid or genderflux. Instead, it's more like the neutral-to-maverine elements that make up my aporagender identity move along a sort of spectrum back and forth. Sometimes neutrality is entirely present, sometimes it moves away completely and it's more of a maverine element, and sometimes it's somewhere in between (some kind of "neumav" situation.)
I don't know. I'm just speculating right now. I do like the word "element" here to describe the qualities and aspects of my genders. It just feels right, and I'll probably use it more often. Maybe I can view my aporagender identity as having the quality of aporinity, which is made up of neutral and maverine elements.
And hell, I'll even say that asteresque can be made up of maverine elements. If it wants to be. It can be whatever it wants. It's aporine, so that encompasses both neutral and maverine qualities.
- Your Bigender Big Brother 💙💚
