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Happy Aro Awareness week
ive decided to talk about where on the aro spectrum I fall!
now, im defenetly nebularomantic due to my AuDHD but there's other aro labels i identify with.
and for some reason i have a compulsion to find labels that closest explain what i feel like, so theres gonna be a few difernt aro identites here!
A-Spec Relationship Lables
Queerplatonic: a term for a relationship that bends the rules for telling apart romantic relationships from non-romantic relationships. It typically goes beyond what is considered normal or socially acceptable for a platonic relationship but is not romantic in nature or does not fully fit the traditional idea of a romantic relationship.
Iodic: a term for aromantic and other a-spec people that can be used to describe their ideal relationship. an iodic person’s ideal relationship would be more emotionally involved than what’s typically associated with friendship in western society, and would have a similar level of closeness to what is typically associated with romance.
Callistic: a term for aromantic and other a-spec people that can be used to describe their ideal relationship. callistic describes a-spec people who do not want a queerplatonic relationship, close friendship, or anything similar.
Europic: a term for aromantic and other a-spec people that can be used to describe their ideal relationship. a europic person is somewhere inbetween callistic and iodic. their ideal relationship would be more emotionally involved than what’s typically associated with friendship in western society, but they do not want to completely committed to their partner.
Appromour: a type of relationship which is not quite a queerplatonic relationship but also not quite romantic. people in an appromour may desire or be comfortable expressing and performing a number of typically romantic activities, and they may live together or get married. it may look like and may be very close to a romantic relationship but is still decidedly not romantic.
Queeragamic: a term for a deep, emotional connection that transcends common conceptions of friendships and their importance but does not involve sexual acts.
Passionate Friendship: a nonsexual, nonromantic, emotionally and physically intimate relationship between friends. this friendship serves as a primary relationship, so if the people involved create a hierarchy of relationships in their lives, the passionate friendship is either their most important relationship or one of their most important relationships, entirely equal to the other most important. it can also be a relationship where it is unclear whether the feelings are “romantic” or “nonromantic” for one or more of the people involved.
Companionate: where one does not wish to have a romantic or sexual relationship but still wants a deep relationship with someone.
Wavership: a form of relationship where the exact type of relationship changes. for example, one day the relationship might be romantic, the next day it might be queerplatonic, a platonic bond another, and a soft romo relationship another day. wavership can also be used when the exact nature of a relationship isn't known by the people in the relationship, but they know it's a partnership of some kind.
Semiship: a term for relationship that is in a “gray area” of relationships. a semiship is a relationship that isn’t as committed or “deep” as relationships are expected to be, by the preference of those involved.
Softromo: a term used by a-spec communities to describe a relationship that is a "low level romantic relationship". it is typically somewhere in between a romantic relationship and queerplatonic relationship, with the parties having some amount of romantic feelings and/or romantic actions, but not fully, as seen in "normal" romantic relationships.
Delamour: a lover who one shares a bond that is so deep, so profound, that the word ‘love’ is just too simple. it’s not sexual, romantic, platonic, spiritual, or any single type of attraction (though it may share elements with them), nor is it simply a combination of multiple types. it’s beyond any label or category or trope of love.
I don’t think my brain is powerful enough your verse to parse
And you say you’re not smart
Multisyllabic musical words roll off your tongue like a waterfall
And yet your demon says, you’re not clever at all
You believe his acid words
Till they burn through your bones
But I know how that is, actually
Mine, of same species, hisses,
‘If you’re sso ssmart, why aren’t you ssuccesssful?’
Like a poison xylophone,
he plays on insecurities
he plays on the mistaken idea
That raw intelligence has anything to do with emotional well-being
For if you are hurting
No amount of book learning
Can outweigh the wounds to the heart
They must be nurtured
And paradoxically, one of the ways that’s ensured
Is to revel
In intelligence
Simply for its own sake
No applications
For usefulness
Or jobs
To love
The aspects of you
That are worth celebrating.
Queerromantic: a relationship defined by the participants as romantic that defies traditional ideas of what is expected in a romantic relationship. Similar to queerplatonic but the other way around.
Compare also to "appromour", coined by @pixelprattlexp
hey i wanted to ask u something... I identify as aroace but i m confused that if i m Apothiromantic or cupioromantic I am repulsed by any romantic gesture may it be holding hands kissing on cheek or hugging anything but i desire a romantic relationship in which we have emotional connection but nothing actually romantic ?? i have been looking into this for a month n i m so confused could u help me like what spectrum can i consider me in or what should i look as thank u so much <3
Queerromantic and appromour are two words that could fit what you feel. The first is a word I coined that refers to a romantic relationship that doesn't fit in with traditional expectations of a romantic relationship, the second is for something that's somewhere between a romantic relationship and a qpr. Hope that helps? c:
Also a side idea if you wanted to you could smush together the two words you used to make "apothicupioromantic", which would mean wanting a romantic relationship while being still repulsed by certain/many aspects of romance. Might look confusing to people at first but it would mean they wouldn't think you're either one or the other, and then they can ask for clarification. Just a thought cause I like coining stuff lol.
It's also possible what you may actually want is a qpr, or you may be feeling alterous attraction rather than romantic. You may have already looked into those, but if you haven't those are some other suggestions.
Not quite QPP, but not exactly Romantic = Appromour
My partner and I of whom I am married to ( @cheettai ) have been trying to figure out how to define our relationship after we both made some new self-discoveries. So I came up with the word Appromour to describe our relationship (More on this after definition and the general usage). It is a portmanteau made of the words Approximate (ie close to actual, but not completely accurate or the same, or notably different but strikingly similar to) and the word Amour meaning love.
Appromour describes a relationship or partner in which you have relationship that is not romantic, it *may* not quite fit into you “typical” idea of qpp either as well. Its a way to describe a relationship that *may* seem like a romantic relationship to yourself or even outside observers. It looks like and may be very close to a romantic relationship but decidedly still not romantic.
QPP and Appromour can be used *somewhat* interchangeably, but are differentiated by the fact you may feel something oddly similar to romantic attraction and/or even partial or fleeting romantic feeling. Due to these feeling you may also desire or just be comfortable expressing and/or performing any number of way romantically. Even if a relationship manages to hit some, many or even all of the “traditional” notes of a “typical” romantic relationship, it still may never feel quite right to call it romantic, then this may be an Appromour relation. This can even mean you feel many of the forms of attraction for said person/people or even desire it enough and feel comfortable with a partner(s) to perform most or all of them, but ultimately you may not feel this way consistently or just off enough that romantic is still wrong. You could feel this way about any non romantic partner(s) that you feel any attraction to and you desire to partake in romantic expression and/or activities but you know it not an actual romantic relation even if may seem or feel similar.
So my Partner discovered they were Lithro and I have been grappling with the fact that I was some form of grey romantic for sometime. All we knew is that we did love each other but it became clear that not in the way the “traditional” romantic love would indicate (ironically despite a lot of people thinking we are such great example of romantic love). We knew we wanted to be with each other, we knew that we are easily “life companions” but not exactly Romantically. We desired to fulfill a romantic performance and even had occasionally expressed earnestly what one would expect from a traditional romantic relation. However problem was we didn’t feel like we actually could ever achieve that level of “authentic” romantic relationship personally that we both desired and people expected.
The very word romantic, carried a lot of baggage and weight that was hard to live up to, even when you can feel part of what makes it up. This was especially tough on my partner who felt inadequate with a relationship that was even just *called* romantic, but we struggled because we felt QPP didn’t either. It didn’t really work for how we felt due to how we expressed our relationship. It seemed off for both our personal definitions of a QPP, so after a lot of talk I deiced that it would help my partner and to a lesser extent myself to find a new term to express our relationship. I didn’t want to use “pseudo” as it had too much negative weight and could delegitimise the types of other love we felt for each other. We felt that we had something that felt like something at least rather close to romantic, an approximation of it even...and so the word Appromour was born.
I hope this helps someone else out there and if so I hope it find them easily as well. For those wondering, as for the my relationship this simple redefining has done wonders and has lifted a lot of baggage off of us. Our relationship has been recovering quite well and I am personally chuffed with how thing are moving forward now. Cheers for Reading and please re-blog this to help others that would benefit from finding this term so we can save them a lot of misery & grief.
