In Fear of Boundaries by Lara Eviota
The world is criss-crossed with them
So much that I am compelled to
thread with care
or else I'll end up somewhere
I don't belong
Like a thief before a guarded safe.
Bumbling through CCTVs and laser fields
Scouring through places where I am all but
welcome
Like a man walking blind.
No sight, no cane, not a single aid
No stars to plot directions
No guide to leave you trails
No fences to set limits
No traffic lights
to tell me when to move or where to move
No signages no posts no notices
to tell me I'm where I'm supposed to go
No doors to walk through, no dividers
just one massive space
It's
a hullabaloo of stormy boundaries and I'm standing still in the eye of the storm
Storms.
That's what I felt when I fell for you, my friend
That's what I felt when
along with the blossoming of our friendship
came the blossoming of a different kind of love.
Love.
Love sprouted right off of my heart ricocheting everywhere in tiny yet ever constant instances
Like pinballs
Hitting me in the guts
Over and over and over.
That's what made me confess
Shaking like a shitting dog
Sweating like a gym buff
Face red like strawberry fields forever
Stuttering incomprehensive
Heart beating out of chest
Words pulsating of truth that know no bounds
And I confess
Not hoping for a yes or
a merge in our boundaries.
I'm not asking for permission,
I'm not asking for THAT space.
I'm a blind man walking and I just wanted to know where I stood.
Good God,
I just wanted to know where I stood.
So you don't have to like me
You don't have to feel the same way
All I'm asking is
Help me know my boundaries
Help me set my limits
Because
even if I get away with
Robbing the bank undetected
Or
Walking blind through the red light and the heat of a traffic jam
It's still breaching boundaries
And I've no desire of breaching your space
Encroaching into your embrace
Your arms shouldn't hold me in that way
If they don't want to.
{APS Member Submission}
Performed at “Friendzone!” on Feb 14, 2018
