Friend anon requested Kankri developing pale feelings for a troll of choice and freaking out over it because of past bad things involving pale. Made Aranea the troll of choice here just cause. Not my best work, I don’t think, but hope you enjoy it nonetheless.
You don't know what to do. You don't know what to do and you are absolutely not handling this well in the slightest.
You don't even know how this ended up happening. You hardly paid any attention to Aranea in your group chats before the game. But now that you've met her in person, and you've gotten to know her and her way: a chatterbox, always willing to share out any information she knows, bright eyed and just so eager to have anyone listen...
You felt a kindred spirit in her, perhaps. Having so much to share and no one to share it with. You felt a bit sorry for her, possibly. That she seemed to be ever so slightly disheartened between her bouts of enthusiasm and vigor to share her gathered knowledge.
Then, one day, as you're pondering how she makes you feel all these things, it hits you like a speeding eighteen wheel vehicle full of bricks.
You're pitying her.
No, even worse than that.
You're pale for her.
Needless to say, given this revelation, you take only the most logical next course of action.
You go out of your way to avoid her at all costs.
You don't even know how this even happened to you. Latula was the only person you'd ever honestly considered for a quadrant, and that was always in flushed. You only ever saw Aranea as a friend, and that was it. You only kept an eye on her because you kept an eye on all the highbloods from your group for (safety) organization.
So what if you two had plenty in common? And she actually responded to a lot of the chats and group memos you wrote up. So what? You shouldn't feel bad about whenever she looks down, or how she looks when you see someone walk away from her. Because you don't.
Besides, even if you ever did want to start up... that sort of a relationship with her... just the mere thought of it makes your skin crawl with unease and discomfort of all varieties.
Being pale means you'd talk to each other, which you could handle, that's easy enough. But being moirails went so much further than that. It meant you'd have to hold her hand, cuddle up close... papping would happen sometimes. Close, intimate touch that just bordered away from the red quadrant for comfort. Using the submission reflex when each other got too upset (no no please not again), making piles to lay in for feelings jams (not again never again). Knowing all of each other's weaknesses to best (control) comfort...
And it's not even the awful idea of all the pale tuching that you would have to endure for that sort of quadrant.
She's a highblood. Not too high, not much higher than Latula. Nowhere near the heiress, below oh so high and mighty Zahhak (thank god not on the level of Makara). You know how highbloods are. Always looking down on a mutant like you. Everyone does, even Damara and Rufioh, even Porrim (the one non-highblood you can't stand).
It would start off pale, but you know. You know how it would turn out in the end. Even if things started off fine, she'd look down on you eventually. She must know that she's higher than you on the spectrum (anyone is). She might decide pale isn't what you need, even if it's what she needs (they always know better). Then the next thing you know, you'd be culled, even possibly with the pale still happening.
And then, the thought that she could make you do that, even if you didn't want it. Just by the will of her mind...
It's better that you stay away. It wouldn't work out anyway, probably. It's (safer) better this way.
You keep an eye on her, of course. As you do all the highbloods. You notice little things about her and how she acts. But you (can never) don't ever act on your feelings.
Which is why, whenever you see her too close, or if she looks your way too long, you vacate yourself and head off the scene as quickly as you can.
Hoping with all your might that she doesn't have her empath abilities focused on you. So that she can never feel your feelings.
