#argenti

[karmadegon]

Boothill is officially a disney princess

[puracure]

Ashveil trying to go viral again... 😭😭

[enesfwee]

under all that armor

[ohnogodpls]

A visitor

[d3adseas]

some of my argenthill bangers from twt

[lowaharts]

[yahinata]

Dark!Robin&Argenti

[lijojo]

help, my classmates think we're soulmates!

premise: in an attempt to protect yourself from your obsessive admirers, you try to weird them out by being as openly perverted as possible (spoiler: it doesn’t work). (yandere! honkai star rail x reader) (high school au) dark content, nsfw, all characters are 18+

it starts with a confession. 

“i like you!” 

crumpled between phainon’s hands is an envelope. a love letter, no doubt. you observe it for a moment before looking up at his face, which is more or less fixated on his shoes. 

“i know this is out of nowhere, but i’ve liked you for a very long time! every time you smile, it’s like my heart skips a beat. whenever you’re in the room, my eyes drift towards you. you’re so cute and elegant, i can’t help but like you. i like you so much, please go out with me!” 

phainon bows rapidly at a ninety-degree angle, his shaggy hair falling onto his face. he’s so quick it spooks you.

you almost want to laugh at his words. cute? elegant? what a joke.

it’s true, you weren’t expecting a confession when phainon asked to meet you outside of class. ah, but it’s really a shame.

between his messy hair, his habit of hunching over, and his quiet nature, he’s really not your type.

to be honest, no one at this school is. because in reality, your heart is solely reserved for fictional men. 

that’s right. there’s nothing wrong with enjoying fictional men! they’re so hot, even their bedheads are attractive. plus, you can read smut and fantasize about them without feeling guilty. unlike real men, they’ll never disappoint you. 

not that’d you’d ever let your friends know. you’d practically die of embarrassment. the entire school sees you as cute and innocent, who’d probably never seen a man’s dick (which isn’t true…if you count drawn ones). 

and you’d like to keep it that way!

you take the envelope in your hands, staring at it thoughtfully while also trying not to wince at how wet it is from phainon’s sweat.

“sorry, i don’t like you. i hope we can be friends though!”

it really is a shame… the weather’s so good today. if only phainon confessed to someone else, this would’ve been the beautiful start to a shoujo anime. 

yes… you can imagine it… the romantic walk at sunset… watching the fireworks together… 

“is there someone else then?”

you snap out of your little daydream. “um, no?”

he scowls. “you’re lying, aren’t you. that’s why you won’t accept me, right?”

you wave your hands in defense. “no, no, not at all! i’m just not looking to date anyone.” not anyone in real life, that is. you got your husbandos at home waiting for you (they hate waiting). 

“no… i don’t believe that. you’re too cute not to have admirers…” phainon mumbles under his breath before reaching some kind of ‘aha’ moment. “then, if i get rid of them, you’ll like me, right?”

um…what?

“i never said that!”

phainon shrugs. “i’ll just kill them.” 

“um!” you’re scrambling for a solution here. phainon looks so livid it’s unsettling. 

you try to back away, but he latches onto your wrist. his grip is tight enough to bruise, your pulse quickening under his touch. 

you don’t know him very well, other than the fact that he’s some nobody in your class. but it’s always the quiet kids who are the scariest, and you don’t wanna take your chances.

oh! maybe if he finds out how you really are, he’ll back off. sure, you’d rather keep your otaku life secret, but phainon doesn’t have any friends. no one will believe him anyway. yes! this has to work!

“ahahaha, are you sure you really like me?”

“yes,” he says without missing a beat.

“i’m weird though.” that’s right. maybe if you weird him out, he’ll finally stop idolizing the idea of you and leave.

he’s visibly confused at this. it’s working. “weird how?”

“i have para-social fantasies about fictional men. my only hobby is watching anime and reading manhwa, and jacking off to it.” 

you inwardly wince. maybe that’s being too honest.

phainon looks unfazed, though. “but this is the modern era. isn’t that normal nowadays?”

“but real life men gross me out.” you even go as far as gagging as graphically as possible. kinda like how a cat vomits up a furball. “fictional men just have unreal body proportions, and they’re faces are crafted by literal artistic gods. even their dicks are godly!” 

you take a second to whip out your phone to your very-top-secret-no-one-must-know-unless-its-dire-circumstances-like-your-classmate-threatening-to-kill-someone-and-his-grip-is-starting-to-hurt-dire and start flipping through your saved album of half-naked and fully-naked anime men to further emphasize your point. “how could they possibly compare to men in real life?”

you shove it in his face so he has no other choice but to look at fictional dick. hopefully that creeps him out now!

he stares at your phone screen, quiet.

“oh, so if i look like them, you’ll like me?” phainon asks, finally letting go. 

you blink, a little perplexed that he’s not reacting the way he’s supposed to. but he’s calmer now. so that’s good. 

“yes!” you exclaim. it’s not like he’ll do it anyway. with how he’s built and dressed now, working towards looking like your fictional crushes should be near impossible.

he nods before making a prompt exit. 

alone, you fist pump in victory. problem solved! now, your husbandos are waiting for you…

three weeks later, you’re sitting at your desk when the door slams open. you nearly jump in your seat when in walks in someone you’ve never seen before. 

you might hate real life men, but this guy is so hot you’re this close to changing your mind. he’s drop dead gorgeous, from his lustrous hair to his dripping confidence. 

and he’s…

he’s walking right towards you?!

you’re classmates start whispering, staring down at this seemingly new transfer student like fresh meat. 

when he stops at your desk, your breath hitches. he smiles a little at that. 

the mysterious newcomer pinches your chin between his thumb and forefinger, gingerly raising your head to look him in the eye. 

“so, do i look like your favorite fictional characters now?”

phainon?!

“first it was the student council president, now phainon?” himeko notes. 

“why are you so surprised, she’s always been popular,” march 7th replies, munching on a strawberry pocky stick all the while. she turns to you. “i mean, lots of people have always been confessing to you, right?”

you laugh delicately. “i’m not sure about that.” oh, but you’re very sure. with top-tier grades, top-tier personality, and top-tier looks, it’s no lie to say you’re somewhat of an idol of the school. 

you wink. “oh, but i am cute, aren’t i?” if only they knew you were secretly a degenerate who spends her free time reading smut and fantasizing over men who aren’t real.

march 7th laughs. “of course you are.”

the conversation cuts short at the mention of your name. 

the three of you turn to the doorway to see jing yuan talking to one of your classmates. when he notices, jing yuan waves you over. 

march 7th elbows you with a devious look. “speaking of the student council president…”

“oh hush,” you playfully chide, “i’m sure it’s nothing.”

himeko raises a brow at that. “knowing him? it never is.”

when you ask jing yuan where the two of you are going, he merely brushes it off, throwing whatever dumb excuse there is.

“we’re heading to the student council room.”

“for that?”

“you’ll see.”

as you walk down the hall, you find yourself entering an empty classroom, jing yuan closing the door behind you.

“but this isn’t the student council room—”

wham! jing yuan’s arm slams into the wall, effectively cornering you between the wall and him.

he kabedon’d you.

ka. be. don.

kabedon?

KABEDON?!

oh gods. it’s like in one of those shoujo mangas you read where the male lead traps the female lead in an ultra-romantic confrontational scene. you swear there’s cherry blossoms falling in the backdrop. and… and is kiss! kiss! fall in love playing?!

no… with this kind of atmosphere, it might be love, maybe instead…

“are you even listening?”

“oh, uh huh, yeah…”

your face is flushed, your heart practically beating out of your chest. you wish you could astral-project out of your body to take a photo of this. no one has ever done this to you before!

he sighs. “did you think about my proposition?”

“proposition? what proposition?”

“to be my girlfriend.”

those words take you back to reality. “oh! yes, that. i thought i already told you? i want to focus on my studies.”

he leans closer, close enough that you can feel his breath tickling your nose. now, jing yuan may be a 3d guy, but that doesn’t mean he’s good-looking, even by your standards. he’s like a sculpture handcrafted by the gods. it takes everything within you not to just kiss him. 

no… your husbandos wouldn’t like that…

“but you’re giving an exception to phainon?”

“phainon?” you ask. 

sure, he’s been tagging along lately like a lost puppy, even with the continuous ogling from your peers. ever since his glow up, people have been confessing to him nonstop, yet he still chose to hang out with you. he sits with you at lunch, and he partners up with you in gym class whenever opposite-pairings are required. but that doesn’t mean you two are a thing.

“phainon and i aren’t dating.”

“oh really? i bet phainon thinks differently.” 

“it’s not my fault he thinks i like hot men’s dicks!” you blurt out.

the words are out of your mouth before you can even properly filter them. 

you clamp your hands over your mouth in shock. 

you and you’re big mouth, you think. 

jing yuan looks so astounded you want to take a picture. it’d definitely be a good meme. 

maybe… maybe you don’t need to worry! jing yuan is much too strategic to go about airing your business, especially if he likes you. he likes you for your poised persona, if you two ever dated and your secret got out that’d do numbers to his reputation. so your secret is probably safe with him—

“oh my gods! i’m so sorry!” 

your blood runs cold. 

you turn your head slowly like a robot to find march 7th at the door. 

she shuffles around, shy. “the homeroom teacher’s looking for you.”

you might trust jing yuan not to say a peep, but even without any ill intention, march 7th tends to be a little loose-lipped. 

“so… hot men, huh?” jing yuan murmurs, amused.

you look back at him, scowling. if your face felt hot before, it feels like it’s on fire now. 

“not. another. word.”

even though march 7th has apologized several times over, you know the damage has already been done. even if you warn her not to, you know march 7th is going to spill the beans eventually to everyone and anyone who’ll listen. 

well, it’s not as if you mentioned anything related to fictional men. it could be worse. everyone likes hot dick, right? you’re teenagers… it’s completely normal… yes, it’s not the end of the world…

the world ends right when argenti, president of the beauty club and honorary member of the theater club, slams open the door to your classroom. 

what is with everyone and slamming doors?

he struts in like some kind of diva, an air of the usual confidence and pizazz surrounding him like a thickly-applied perfume. 

he strides up to your desk.

“so, i heard you like hot men?” he flips his hair. “well, here i am.”

your soul leaves your body right there and then. 

you sink down in your seat. “yep… that’s me… lover of hot men…” 

internally, you’re waving your reputation as an innocent goddess goodbye with a white flag and tissue. 

as if it couldn’t get worse (it always gets worse), argenti kneels down with a rose in hand, his other over his heart. 

“won’t you do me the honor of being the love of my life?” 

everyone is whispering now. you can practically feel the charisma and gracefulness you worked so hard for draining from your body

“i mean, i’m beautiful, you’re beautiful… it’s like the whole entire universe is simply calling us to be together. we’re practically soulmates, my love.”

you sink down into your seat, face flushed. argenti’s practically reading off of some shakespearean monologue now, his words blending together into a big mush of nothing. all you can feel is the stares of your peers burning into you from all directions.

“oh, and it’s dick you want, i’ll have you know that i am more than well-endowed—”

just then, you receive a notification on your phone. you don’t hesitate to stand up from your seat and book it.

“sorry, gotta take this call!”

“but wasn’t that a text notification—”

“excuse me!”

you make your way out into the hallway. though there’s some students here and there, it’s relatively quiet. 

you take a breather outside of the classroom before opening your phone only to immediately turn it off and look around like you almost got caught watching porn. 

you kinda did.

right smack dab on your lock screen is a text from phainon. 

it’s a dick pic, with the caption want to add this to your collection?