I actually found something halfway pinworthy for this silly adventure. Anyhow. Below are the links to the various stories I have for my Artemis Fowl/The Mummy AU which I have titled The Mudman (a very silly endeavor developed after a conversation with @weeinterpreter and subsequently enabled by a whole bunch of you lovely people who indulge in my ridiculousness, particularly @makowrites and @thefinaljediknight).
I'll try to update the list as I write and keep the snippets in (roughly) chronological order, but I really can't make any promises because my brain is like a bag of cats.
Anyway. Here goes.
Vexation
Sand
Invitation
Port
River
Hunger
And also this art from @valhelos that you really need to see because it's gorgeous.
"And one more thing, about my name - Artemis," The boy said. Spiro could feel his blood pressure rising, gun quivering in his hand. "You were right in London. It is generally a female name."
Spiro tried to restrain himself from shooting the child then and there. Of all the heinous things he had done, directly shooting a kid was damnable, something that even he wasn't sure he was okay with. But even still, the smugness in Artemis' voice caused Jon's finger to tighten on the trigger. As the boy continued his monologue, Jon noticed his eyes slipping to the floor.
"After the Greek goddess of archery. But-but every now and then-" Artemis' voice lowered. Was he getting choked up? What was he stuttering for?
"A m-male comes along with su-such a talent for hunting-" The boy all but growled the word. His voice was strained, like he was holding back a bull from raging through a China shop. "That he earns the right to use the name." Jon felt anxiety creeping into him. But why? He was the one with the gun. Why did this baby-faced thirteen-year-old cause him to hesitate?
"I am that male. Artemis the Hunter." Artemis growled, eyes raising to meet Spiro's. It was then that Jon knew why he felt that anxiety in the pit of his gut. A primal instinct, something from the Cro-Magnon days that told the modern day man to get the hell out of there before something bad happened to him.
The eyes. Artemis' eyes, after Jon had taken the iris-cam out, had changed. They weren't human. The pupils had grown to extreme width, taking up most of the space. Only a sliver of sclera was visible, and what Spiro could see was bloodshot red. Artemis grinned at Jon. Or maybe he was baring his teeth.
Dear God, his teeth. They were sharpened to fine points, waiting to bite through skin and muscle. Pex and Chips shuffled around in the corner and Arno eyed the boy suspiciously.
They're behind him, they can't see. Mother of God, they're not seeing any of this. Jon thought. Just as he was about to pull the trigger, Artemis spoke.
"I hunted you."
Artemis lunged at Spiro, jaws snapping around the man's middle. The gun was knocked out of his hands, clattering to the ground and blasting a hole in a nearby wall. Jon yelled for Arno to 'shoot the goddamned thing!' Arno fumbled with the gun. He wasn't expecting this. How could he have? No one told him the Fowl boy was a cannibal for Christ's sake.
Pex and Chips shuffled in the corner. Neither of them were quite sure if they should shoot too. The order was barked at Mister Blunt after all and, despite their idiocy, the men still had enough smarts for morality, unsure if they should shoot the child, even if he was mauling their boss.
Their boss. That's right, Mister Spiro was the one who signed their paychecks. Morality forgotten, Pex and Chips began shooting along with Arno, expertly aiming the gun at Artemis' head and joints.
Artemis was unperturbed. He continued to snap at Jon's middle, taking a chunk of flesh between his canines and rearing his head back. Spiro screamed as the skin was ripped from his stomach. He could feel Artemis' fingers - no, claws - tearing at his sides, digging bloody grooves into him.
"For the love of God, Arno!" Spiro yelled. Arno yelled back, "I'm trying!"
The bullets seemed to be bouncing off of Artemis. They'd tear through his clothes then ricochet off his body. Throwing his gun to the side in frustration, Arno stomped towards Spiro and the boy. He held his hand up to Pex and Chips, signaling for them to cease fire. If had been paying more attention to them, he would've noticed that the musclemen had been incapacitated long before he had held up his hand.
Arno grabbed a fistful of Artemis' dark hair, yanking the boy's head away from Spiro. Artemis hissed, turning his attention away from Jon and onto Blunt. He raked his claws down the man's front, tearing long rips into his suit.
Jon rolled onto his stomach, attempting to crawl away with what little strength he had left. The wasn't how this was supposed to play out. What in God's name was that kid? He couldn't be human, there's no way in hell. He could hear Artemis screeching and snarling, as well as his bodyguard yelling incoherently. The yelling was interrupted by a buzz, and then a heavy thump.
Jon turned back momentarily to see Arno passed out on the floor. Obstacle out of the way, Artemis returned to Spiro, latching onto his back and clawing at him.
Another buzz electrified the air. Artemis yelped and went limp, falling on top of Spiro. The boy was dragged off of him, and Spiro felt the adrenaline wearing off.
Someone turned him onto his back. Jon looked down to see blood pooling around him, staining his white suit. A pair of small, gloved hands pressed against him and a woman's voice shouted urgently, "Heal!"
His eyes slid over to the unconscious Artemis. There was blood splattered over his mouth, hands and clothes. His breaths were coming in short, labored bursts, as if he were gasping for air.
"Little bastard." Jon spat just before he passed out.
Yo, what ever happened to Spiro and his crew? Please tell me they’re all bankrupt/in jail.
Spiro: Managed to stay out of gen-pop, but yeah. Lawyers ‘r good for nothing.
And so is this big lug. Ever since we got arrested, he’s been looking over his shoulder. He hasn’t killed a man since we were incarcerated.
Blunt: I’ll be good, then he won’t have a reason to be angry. I’ll be good, I’ll be good--
I was reading Artemis Fowl: The Lost Colony again and I noticed an exchange that is really making me wonder now that I think about it. On p.129-130, Artemis and the others have tracked down Minerva to her home/headquarters, and it is described to be a virtual fortress. There are cameras everywhere, several guards, etc. I won’t explain everything, but Butler goes as far as to say, “I think I saw this place in a Bond movie once.” But then there’s this exchange:
Artemis: No problem for you, surely?
Butler: I’m a bodyguard, Artemis. A human bulletproof vest. Breaking into fortified castles is not my speciality.
Artemis: You have rescued me from more secure locations than this one.
Butler: True. But I had intel, an inside man. Or I was desperate.
This got me thinking. The first time I had read this exchange, I had assumed that the previous rescues that Artemis was mentioning were just the rescues we see with the fairy folk, but once I started thinking about it, I’m not so sure now. See, up until this point, the four times that could be considered rescue scenarios for Artemis are 1) Cudgeon holding him hostage in Arctic Incident, 2) Blunt’s attack in the beginning of Eternity Code, 3) the entire plan involving Spiro in Eternity Code, and 4) Opal’s revenge plot against Artemis and Holly in Opal Deception.
The problem is that none of these situations sound like what Artemis and Butler are talking about in the above conversation. With Cudgeon, yes the situation was dire there for a few moments, but a reinforced door was the only thing keeping Butler from Artemis when the danger arose, and comparing that to a “fortified castle” is a bit of a stretch.
Blunt’s attack is even more of a stretch. There’s no denying that Butler was desperate when that happened, but the public restaurant it took place in was hardly a secure location, and Artemis wasn’t rescued from the location so much as rescued from the event that just happened to take place there. It wasn’t a retrieval mission like their above conversation alludes to.
The Spiro mission would probably be the most like the situation Butler and Artemis are talking about, but the problem is that Butler wasn’t involved in that plan at all. He wasn’t even there, much less actually doing the rescuing like the incident they’re talking about.
Finally, with Opal’s revenge plot with Artemis and Holly, it always appeared to me that Mulch and Butler’s real struggle to rescue them wasn’t actually getting into the theme park so much as getting there in time. Butler and Mulch spent much more time getting a vehicle to take them there than it did for Mulch to tunnel through the ceiling and... use his talents to help Artemis and Holly. While the theme park was definitely a dangerous place to be, it wasn’t exactly secure like other locations like the Spiro Needle were, seeming much easier to get in than get out.
So unless I’m missing something, they’re talking about something we never see in the series, which leads to my big question: if it’s nothing we see in the book series, then what event(s) are Artemis and Butler talking about? Because I would really love to know what happened there. (Especially with Butler saying he had intel OR he was desperate, implying at least two instances where Artemis was kidnapped and held somewhere secure like the Minerva house.)
