headcanon that artemis fowl is a huge cryptid and makes all the internet theorists go wild. vanished for three years, only to reappear in the same age he was when he left? literally died and had a funeral before coming back alive half a year later? changing eye color, constant disappearances from school, sightings of him in different parts of the world within the span of hours--hell, there's probably a buzzfeed unsolved episode about him. artemis is fully aware of all this and so, naturally, goes out of his way to mess with people. he slips in random comments in interviews like "sorry for spacing out there--my system was rebooting", "we dont have this on my home planet", and "im still getting used to this flesh body...what were you saying?" someone once asked him if he died and got replaced by a clone, and artemis, with a completely straight face, says yes. miles below ground, a paranoid centaur is sobbing
