“I thought, this is the most incredible thing I have ever seen,
and I had better keep it a safe distance away from me.
I thought, if someone like that ever loved me, it would set me on fire.”
ok arrow s5ep20 was INSANE. for context it’s the ep where felicity and ollie get trapped in the bunker with everything electric fried so felicity’s paralyzed from the waist down again and oliver tries to climb up the elevator shaft and gets injured and loses a shitton of blood and then they accidentally puncture the methane pipes AND FAST FORWARD LIKE 20 MINUTES AND JOHN’S HOLDING OLIVER BY THE WRIST WHO’S HOLDING FELICITY BY THE WRIST AND AGAIN FELICITY’S PARALYZED AND OLIVER JUST ALMOST DIED FROM BLOOD LOSS AND METHANE POISONING LIKE THREE TIMES IN THE PAST TEN AND THEYRE ALL DANGLING LIKE 100 FEET IN THE AIR AND FELICITY’S LIKE “JUST LET ME GO” AND THEN OLIVER’S LIKE “I’M SORRT FELICITY” BUT HE’S ACTUALLY JUST SORRY FOR NOT DOING WHAT SHE SAYS AND HE LIKE BREAKS HIS WRIST TO PULL HER UP AND SOMEHOW NONE OF THEM DIE?????
look everyone I’m in a mood since I spent way too long some time staring at this gifset and now I wanna talk about some stuff.*
Specifically I want to talk about the difference between the way Oliver kisses Felicity in 3x01 vs 5x20.
Look at this tragic melodramatic boy in 3x01. Look at how desperately he grabs her face. Because he can’t be the Arrow and be with her but HE HAS FEELINGS, DAMMIT!:
He holds her face so close to make her FEEL how much he feels:
Such an impatient boy. All fired up. He’s never felt anything like this before, and if he doesn’t express it right this moment, he might EXPLODE!:
But wait, what is this!? It’s even better than he imagined, better than he ever could have guessed, and that fiery passion shifts, becomes deeper, and OH SHIT he starts to realize he’s in for a lot more pain than he was expecting:
The poor baby. So in love with Felicity but so CERTAIN they couldn’t be together, that he would have to put his love on the back burner for his mission. So certain he could. But then, in the course of this one kiss, he starts to realize this wasn’t just any kiss. And he starts to understand, it’s not just any love. Poor baby Oliver. He has no idea what he’s in for.
* * *
OKAY BUT NOW!! Let’s compare that to the 5x20 kiss(es). Here we have a much different Oliver. An older, more mature Oliver. An Oliver who has experienced the kind of love that only comes once in a life time and lost it.
This Oliver would never be so cavalier with something like Felicity’s love. This Oliver has learned his lesson. He is infinitely more cautious. When she kisses him, he doesn’t seize her, doesn’t grab her face and force her to take his emotions. He waits, to see what she will do. He remembers how much it hurt when she walked away after that first kiss; he remembers even better how much it hurt when she walked away after they broke up, and how much it still hurts every day:
And so he holds his breath when she kisses him, waiting to be sure she really means it, because this Oliver isn’t taking any chances:
And when she goes in for a second kiss, that’s when he lets himself breathe, and kiss her back, because this is the chance he’s hoped for, waited for, but never let himself expect. And he sure as hell isn’t going to waste it:
A final shitty gif because duh. Now everyone go watch the scene ;)
*apologies for my shitty gifs. one of these days maybe I’ll learn to make quality gifs, but not today!
Oliver didn’t know when he fell asleep, but when he woke, to his surprise, Felicity was still there, dozing in a chair someone had set up for her in the corner. He shifted in bed and tried to get up, and groaned when the wound in his back reminded him why he was in this bed in the first place. Felicity was at his side in an instant, her hands on his shoulders, gently but insistently pushing him back.
“Hey, none of that,” she murmured. “Your doctor said you have to stay in bed until you’ve recovered.”
“Really,” Oliver said, falling back, wanting to resist her but finding that he had neither the strength nor the will to do so. “Which doctor is that?”
“I don’t know, some ARGUS guy,” Felicity replied. “But you know he’s right.”
“I do,” Oliver admitted, his voice strained as he tried to get out of bed again. “But it doesn’t matter. Chase-”
“Chase has to be stopped, I know,” Felicity interjected, pushing him back a second time. “But it doesn’t have to be you that does it. That’s what you have a team for.”
“But-” Oliver protested.
“No,” Felicity interrupted, shaking her head. “No buts. You almost died, Oliver. I almost lost you. Please, for once in your life, take care of yourself. Let yourself heal. For my sake if not for your own.” Her eyes locked with his and Oliver saw how desperately she needed this, needed him to be okay, to take the time he needed to recover.
“Alright,” he murmured, letting his head fall back against his pillow and his eyes drift closed. If it had been anyone else asking, he would have continued fighting the doctor’s orders, insisting that he couldn’t lay by and let the team carry the burden of hunting down Adrian Chase alone, but he didn’t have the heart to having seen the way the prospect of him doing so affected Felicity. He couldn’t stomach the thought of hurting her more than he already had. “You win.”
“There’s no winning here, Oliver,” Felicity replied. “But thank you.” After a moment, she clarified, “For listening.” Oliver nodded, not opening his eyes.
“You must be tired,” Felicity said after a moment. “I’ll go.”
“No, stay,” Oliver said, reaching out to grab her arm as he sensed her pull away. His voice softening, he added, “Please.” He watched through half lidded eyes as Felicity studied him intently, a dozen different emotions playing across her face. She may not have shared details about her personal life with him anymore, but he could still read her like an open book.
“Alright,” she said at last. I’ll stay.”
“Thank you,” Oliver whispered, nodding, feeling relief that he couldn’t quite explain wash over him.
“Of course,” Felicity said in an equally soft voice, laced with concern. She seemed to understand how much he needed her with him right now. For a while, neither of them spoke. The only sounds were the ones made by the machines Oliver was hooked up to.
“About what you said...” he ventured after a time.
“Here or back in the bunker?” Felicity asked.
“Here,” Oliver answered, and spotted a pained expression flitting across Felicity’s face for a split second.
“What about it?” she asked, her voice choked with an emotion that Oliver found he could not name.
“Does it mean that there’s a... chance?” he risked asking. “For us?” Felicity sighed, deep and heavy and laced with pain.
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think... I think what I told you, about figuring out the kind of person you are... I think that needs to happen first.”
“And then?” Oliver asked. He found himself catching his breath, both anticipating and dreading what the answer would be. It was a good long while before he found out.
“I don’t know,” Felicity said at last. “I’m sorry. I wish I did.”
