Greek Myth Satire Retelling
[DISCLAIMER: This post is made as a satirical parody of not modern Greek myth retellings as a whole, but the ones that ignore the source material and flatten characters into either victim or abuser.]
With how these retellings are, I'm surprised there's not a lot about Artemis x Iphigenia.
Like, having the whole sacrifice at Aulis was actually a ruse for Iphigenia to escape her misogynistic father Agamemnon, who abuses her mother and preys on her and her sisters. Artemis takes her to Tauris so they can finally be together, even though Iphigenia can never leave.
Never mind that Iphigenia is now isolated in a foreign land and can't ever leave.
Never mind that she's expected to perform human sacrifice.
And never mind that Clytemnestra doesn't know that her daughter is still alive and spends 10 years mourning her.
But hey, she's got her goddess girlfriend.
That makes the pill easier to swallow, right, Ganymede?
And of course, in Tauris, she spares all the women and only sacrifices the men. She's taking a page from Medusa and Circe.
Years later, her walking embodiment of toxic masculinity of a brother, Orestes (who was never the tragic figure haunted by divine command, family duty, and matricide), and his homophobic best friend Pylades come to "rescue" her.
This retelling will also ignore that some scholars and authors have interpreted Orestes and Pylades as lovers, so they're now just the homophobic duo who insist they're straight.
She's heartbroken that he killed her mother (and gasp, apparently enjoyed it!), and she tries to open her brother's eyes so they can rebuild their relationship.
But he just "doesn't get it."
So she cuts all ties with the House of Atreus, with the exception of Electra (who was never longer consumed by vengeance for their father), who is instead rescued by Iphigenia from her abusive engagement to Pylades.
She had rejoiced when Clytemnestra killed Agamemnon, but when Orestes killed her, she was left in the mercy of Pylades.
So Iphigenia introduces her sister to one of Artemis' nymphs.
And then they live happily ever after in Tauris.
[Tell me if I'm missing something please.]
