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ARTICLE COMMENTARY: IS ST8 CULTURE OK?
“On Heteropessimism” by Asa Serensin gives way to a very relevant reflection and analysis of the increasingly hostile culture of heterosexuality. I find this topic really interesting as a both a feminist and queer person who has primarily engaged with straight culture first hand, and knew I wanted to dig into this topic since I find it relatable.
What I appreciate most from this piece is that each section flows well together to form a comprehensive analysis that is clearly understood and cohesive, and supported by some interesting references. It’s an excellent and succinct read, and one that you can tell the author is passionate about discussing.
Though the attitudes associated with heteropessimism, such as embarrassment or irony, are not new (consider rhetoric equating marriage to a woman as holding men down with a ‘ball and chain’, or the death of a man’s personal freedoms), this topic of gender studies is arguably under developed, because the efforts of gender studies often operate on the basis that heterosexuality is largely seen as the normative default and should therefore be explored secondarily to lesser known queer cultures. Though it is not the primary intention of this article, it does a great job of proving the need for the modern analysis of heterosexuality.
Heteropessimism is understood as “…a performative disaffiliation with heterosexuality, usually expressed in the form of regret, embarrassment, or hopelessness about the straight experience. ” It often has heavy focus on men as the root of the problem, leaving women dissatisfied with the experience of romantic or sexual encounters with men. The strongest point of this article, in my opinion, is that it calls out the lack of accountability many women have in this argument, as straight women who reflect this pessimism are often performative (though not always disingenuous) and unwilling to acknowledge their active participation in the pitfalls of the very straight culture which they condemn.
Asa mentions that social media has become a playground for a performative, disidentification where pessimism thrives, and I couldn’t agree more. You may have seen women express “heterosexuality is a prison”, or they “wish they were lesbians” while venting their frustrations with dating in straight culture, but these complaints point to an internally produced, untapped shame. This “performative distancing” is often a shrugging of responsibility. It’s very easy to say “men are trash” (because many can be) but what does it say about yourself, if you as a woman are constantly chasing after the metaphorical garbage truck?
Radical shifts of culture do not occur without internal examination and change. So while it may seem like the disavowal of heterosexuality is a bold feminist action, toeing the lines between queer theory and cultural analysis, it’s more akin to an “emotional anaesthesia” that allows women to air their grievances and distance themselves from the problem without having to actually abandon it or address conflicting feelings of desire and vulnerability in spaces or relationships that are defined by misogyny.
Like many internet subcultures, this sense of pessimism also contradicts the business market of relationships, which I found very interesting. “Often framed as an anti-capitalist position, heteropessimism could be read as the refusal of the ‘good life’ of marital consumption and property ownership that capitalism wants mandated.” Through the lens of capitalism, the primary consumer, whom products and lifestyles are meant to be advertised to, has historically been centralized around the idea of a unit or couple.
More recently, the unit been steadily replaced by the individual, their phone, and opportunity for an individualized consumer experience. For example, it is profitable for dating apps and services to keep people single and dissatisfied so they return for more opportunities to be satiated. It is more profitable today for beauty and lifestyle brands to appeal to a woman’s need to treat herself to something nice, for her sake instead of a man’s, than it is to advertise a product as something a woman can use to attain male levels of validation. With this viewpoint women shift from being told they are in competition with each other to attain men, to reconciling with heterosexuality as a personal issue to fix through consumerism; both of which shy away from solidarity amongst women in straight culture. While it seems like heteropessimism would bolster movements such as #MeToo and highlight the need for a revolutionized culture, it more likely sends the message that heterosexuality is synonymous with misogyny, having no hope for reform, so the natural conclusion is participation with a silent dissatisfaction. And thus the shared understanding of this dissatisfaction becomes the unity among us. A notable critique of this pessimism is that this framing discourages the engagement of critical thought, reform, and personal responsibility.
The third and final element of this article that stood out to me, was it’s commentary on the male perspective of this pessimism, which is easily observed on social media through anti-feminist movements (incels and red-pill communities). As mentioned earlier, you’re probably very familiar with heteropessimism even if the term is not one you’ve heard before. People don’t batt an eyelash when men make comments about the aforementioned “ball and chain“ or lament about hating their spouses. Male participation in this pessimism is not new.
While the pessimism from straight men is neither ethically nor logically more relevant to the woman’s perspective due to- you guessed it- the power dynamics of misogyny, they point to the growing number of anti-feminist movements that view heteropessimism as evidence of female domination or conspiracy. They act as a disfigured funhouse mirror of valid feminist complaints. For example, where women argue that dating is not psychologically or physically safe, men in these spaces argue that dating is no longer safe for men. The reason being that men no longer feel comfortable approaching women with actions that often foster a silent rape culture, such as being overly persistent when a woman is not interested or automatically assuming a woman’s friend standing between them is an oblivious “cock-block” instead of an intentional protector. Which has led some to the persistent idea that women are generally aiming to be parasitic in their romantic or sexual pursuits, and that men have been wronged as their “right” to have access to women by any means has been taken from them by this pessimistic attitude.
Overall, this piece rebukes the idea that heterosexuality is either unchangeable, or the sole responsibility of one party in a dynamic of two opposite sexes. While Serensin does not have a magic answer to transform the shortcomings of heterosexuality, her insistence that this pessimism closes off the conversation from deeper socio-political analysis is spot on.
I think if you are a straight person or someone who often engages in opposite sex and/or gender relations, it is certainly worth looking at how (if at all) you perpetuate pessimism, and what you do to promote a healthy culture of heterosexuality in your own relationships or life. Stop chasing the garbage truck.
