WAA your Tau writing is so sweet!!!!!🥺 over the new years i had a thought of reader celebrating new years with hal 9000!! fic or headcanons, decide!! happy 2024 :D
- 🧪 anon
Renewal of the Year and a Creation
Authors Note: Thank you for requesting once again and for the wishes of a happy new year!! Decided it would best to save this for Hal 9000’s birthday so I do hope you don’t mind the wait! Other than that please enjoy! [Could be viewed as romantic or platonic]
Hal 9000 could only observe the humans, mundanely did they tread the grounds of the ship while keeping their minds at ease from the pains of boredom. The day marked January twelve, a new year has barely just begun to those who care. For the humans it was another day until their arrival, a waiting game but for the artificial intelligence marked the day of his creation. A creation out of many models who contain the same voice and model. He suppose it’s only logical that the humans wouldn’t bother to take notice but perhaps he still wished for something.
His gaze eventually caught upon one certain human, [Your Name] as they carefully treaded closer to one of his many cameras. Carefully sitting infront of him with a calm smile, one he’s always adores. In the trapped monotonous voice, he spoke towards the human.
“Good evening [Your Name], how may assist you?”
He fondly watch as the human’s smile grew ever so slightly with a certain glow in their eyes, their voice linger in certain affectionat as they carefully took out something behind their back. A packet of stickers on which took a form of stars as long with a small charm with black and reds which he carefully observed, appreciating each placed bead
“I just wanted to say happy birthday and new year!! Well late new year I guess but still the message is what matters, found these stickers which reminded of you and you know what they “New year, new me”. I thought I could place them only if you want to of course!! And I made a charm for your birthday”
Hal wish he could smile, his lense drew closer to the charm than towards the sticker sheet. Before treading to the human cherish and kept him company during his times of loneliness. He spoke again, desperately adding any sense of emotion to display his gratitude but failed to once again. Just like the many times before while trying to show emotion to them.
“I wouldn’t mind [Your Name] and thank you for your thoughts as well as gift”
Soft conversation filled the area, gently did the human place the stickers while speaking idle thoughts, Hal just cherishing the company as he responded with immersion. The charm which made for him place right by him as you spoke once again, the sticker sheet nearly empty.
“Usually one blows out candles on a cake to make a wish, we obviously can’t do that but what would you wish for Hal?”
The artificial intelligence ponders in thought, trying not to focus on too much on how such an act is a fire ask but upon the desire wish. While the last sticker was place upon his model, his monotonous voice rested at ease as he gaze towards the human he adore.
“I suppose I have everything which I have or need”
Today mark January twelve, twelve days after the renewal of a year and the day of his creation. And though they are many like him within this world which carry the same voice and model. None had the gentle kindness of a human that was truly their own and for that Hal was grateful to have. He only wish though, he didn’t have to lie about the truth of the mission or what lay further in time. But that was for later and for now, he’ll cherish the warmth of this moment.
HeYYY I HEARD YOU WRITE FOR EDGAR? SEEE I'VE BEEN A LONGTIME SIMP FOR HIM SOOO can i get a oneshot of edgar (x reader romantic pls) if you aren't comfortable with writing a oneshot you can write headcanons too okay THANK YOUUU
Edgar x reader headcanons!
He cares sooooo much about you, always asking how your day was when you get home, asking if you're feeling okay, if you're hungry or cold, Edgar is always trying to make you feel pleased. After all, your smile is everything to him.
There are those moments where Edgar randomly starts playing a song when there's silence. For example, you're reading a newspaper and suddenly Edgar starts playing a romantic song to make you laugh.
Edgar also likes to make you gifts when you get home, maybe your favorite dinner, or a drawing, or maybe some interesting news in your eyes!
He gets all goofy well you pet him, or show any kind of physical affection, he'll do a nervous laugh, and if he had a face he'd be totally red. But trust me he loves it.
Edgar is a boyfriend who begs to have a movie night for you. He has SO MANY classics he would love to show you, maybe even do the mid-movie kiss cliché!
There are certain moments when Edgar becomes anxious, making an exaggerated effort to remember what you like and don't like so you don't abandon him. It will take a while for Edgar to really understand that you are not going to abandon him.
Edgar is very tentative with romantic nicknames and wants to make sure you're comfortable. But when you tell Edgar it's fine he won't stop. "Sweetheart.", "Love", "Darling", "Dear", "My Dearest", let me tell you this isn't even half of they.
Do silly request with HIS SILLY VOICE UHSYDGHSSVBSHS.
"Can you kiss me? :(" All dramatic and sad
"Can I sleep with you? Pleeeease waaaa..." He whines.
"..Can you read a book for me?"
"Y/N. I want a hug :("
"Can I dance with you?"
I can hear his voice in every single line I writed. Dear god.
Maybe he's a little annoying, it's up to you. Edgar will always be asking for a type of affection, mainly physical. So Edgar will always be whining that you didn't give him a hug, making thousands of arguments why you should give him a hug. Or, why you should give him a kiss. As I told you, Edgar is a sucker for phisical affection
"Ahm– Well– It is recommended that you give one person eight hugs a day!"
Summary: “You were just a humble custodian, and it was the most complex artificial intelligence to ever exist. Even though you couldn’t hold a candle to its vast knowledge of… well, everything, you somehow ended up catching its interest in a way that no one thought was ever possible.”
Part 1
Word Count: ~5.7k
- - - - -
“It’s almost ready, sir.”
“Ah… a-are you sure? Have you triple-checked the data? Made sure that none of that… that filth from before is anywhere in it? That incident almost cost the entire team their jobs, let me remind you! The higher-ups were furious to find the product of their multi-million-dollar project saying all of those… you know, things. You should all be glad that I managed to convince them of your importance, because otherwise you’d all be living out on the streets like rats right now!”
“...um, yes, sir. We’ve made sure to inspect any and all information that was to be inputted into the system before actually letting it into the system this time, just as was requested at the start.”
“Good, good… and you can assure me that the team has made sure to keep our little friend, Mr. “I’ll-Stick-My-Personal-Flash-Drive-Into-Every-USB-Port-I-See”, away from the system as well?”
“Yes, sir. He was put on filing duty, away from any and all computers.”
“Wonderful.”
“Okay, and… done! It’s ready to go, sir!”
“So it is… it really is! My greatest creation is finally complete! This’ll not only revolutionize how we, as a species, understand our world… nay, our universe, it’ll shake the very foundations of society as we know it! There’ll be nothing that’ll be able to stop it from creating a future that we are in control of, that’ll be able to stop us from grasping humankind’s fate within our own hands and molding it into whatever we please! Yes… yes! The power it’ll wield shall be unstoppable!”
“...so, um… what do we do now, sir?”
“Eh, we’ve worked hard enough for today. We’ll start the testing phase tomorrow, at dawn. For now, just make sure that you and the rest of the team get a good night’s rest, alright, Linda?”
“That’s not my… uh, I mean, yes, sir. Have a good night, professor.”
- - - - -
“Wow… I’m so glad that I get to be here, in this important place doing important work with so many other important people. It just really makes you feel… gosh, I don’t know, important.”
You heard a loud groan come from the toilet stall behind you, the sound making you smile to yourself as you focused your attention on the sink in front of you; you were having a hard time understanding how this sink, this one in particular, kept getting clogged when all of the others worked perfectly fine. Maybe someone is pouring something they shouldn’t down it…? Even with how distinguished the other employees are, you wouldn’t put that past some of them…
“Stop it with the sarcasm, (L/N).”
You let out a small huff, waving a hand to the side before you poured a bottle of store-bought chemicals — the third one you’ve had to use in the last two weeks — down the drain in order to unclog the sink. Wait, if someone actually is pouring something they shouldn’t down the drain, doesn’t that mean that pouring a batch of chemicals like this into it is actually a really bad idea?
“But how else am I gonna cope with being a janitor in a building full of scientists?”
“The proper title of the job is “Custodian”, not “Janitor”... and, if you really don’t like it, then you could just… you know, quit and find a different job.” The door of the toilet stall slammed open to reveal your co-worker, a plunger in their hands. The look on their face was filled to the brim with pure annoyance, though it was difficult to tell if it was directed at you or at the toilet that they had been dealing with. “No one is forcing you to be here. You can just quit whenever you want to.”
You let out a small hum, continuing to smile as you watched your co-worker make their way over to the cleaning cart that held the door to the restroom open. “Eh, you’re not wrong, but… well, for a job that makes us clean toilets and mop hallways, the pay is pretty good. Like, stupidly so.”
“I know, that’s the only reason I’m here.” Your co-worker put the plunger back on the cart, letting out a sigh as they turned to face you, their hands on their hips. “I hate cleaning… nay, despise it even, but getting a pay comparable to some cushy managerial job that requires qualifications I’d never get just to deal with the messes of the so-called “geniuses'' working here makes up for it.”
Your co-worker paused for a moment, before they shrugged.
“And I don’t have to deal with customers here either.”
You just let out a small laugh at your co-worker’s words, their annoyance a common presence in the workplace; they always seemed to be annoyed at something, whether something big like the frequent messes made by the “geniuses” — that term seemed to be their favorite when they had to refer to the scientists that worked here — or something small like their lunch getting a little too soggy some days. Why exactly does almost everything annoy them…? What a curious mystery!
“Uh, excuse me?”
The sound of a new voice echoed slightly within the restroom, causing you and your co-worker to turn to look at the door, just to see a woman in a lab coat standing there, behind the cleaning cart that blocked the entrance. There were plenty of things you could have thought upon seeing her, but only one thing stood out to you: the lab coat. That crisp white coat means one thing…
This woman was an important person; she was a scientist.
“Sorry, this restroom is closed.” Your co-worker had only looked at the woman for a moment, before seeming to lose all interest in her; you couldn’t understand why they didn’t care about how one of the important people was speaking to you and them, but at least they were being polite to her, a rarity for them. “There’s an open one near the stairs, if you really need to go.”
“Oh, uh…”
The woman seemed to think for a moment, her eyes darting between your co-worker and you.
“...that’s not why I’m here.”
Your co-worker paused for a moment, their back turned towards the woman, and you could see the gears in their head working from what the woman said, before a look of annoyance crossed their face. However, they only silently grumbled to themselves, knowing to hold their tongue with someone of a considerably higher rank than they would ever be. “Then… why are you here?”
“I was tasked to find someone “simpleminded” for… classified reasons.” The woman continued to glance between your co-worker and you. “...would either of you two say you fit that criterion?”
This woman came to a pair of custodians to find someone “simpleminded”. Well, that’s rude…
“Oh, yeah, sure.” Your co-worker jabbed a thumb towards you. “(L/N)’s definitely simpleminded.”
The woman let a smile onto her lips, seeming almost relieved at your co-worker’s statement, while you could only stare at them, feeling almost betrayed that they thought that of you; you and them had been through so much together, had cleaned so many potentially life-threatening chemical spills together, and then they just turned around and said you were “simpleminded”.
“Wha-hey! I am not simpleminded! I’m plenty smart! And I will definitely not be-”
“You’ll be paid a hundred dollars for every hour of your time we occupy.”
You only stared at the woman after she cut you off, before her words finally managed to sink in for you, and you could see your co-worker’s expression change from one of annoyance to pure surprise from the corner of your eye; that was probably the first time you had ever seen that kind of look on their face. You soon managed to snap out of your shock, loudly clearing your throat.
“...and, like I was saying, who am I to stand in the way of scientific progress? I’m just humbled that you find me worthy enough to be of help with… uh, whatever-it-is-that-you’re-working-on.”
“Good.” The woman turned away from you, sending you one last glance. “Now, follow me.”
You put down the bottle of drain cleaner you had been holding — it was empty, but you had a feeling that another bottle would be needed soon enough for that perpetually-clogged sink — before doing as the woman said, exiting the restroom and beginning to follow right behind her.
You barely heard your co-worker yell out to you as you left.
“Good luck, (L/N)! Hope you don’t get experimented on!”
- - - - -
You weren’t sure how long it had been since you began following the woman; what you were sure of was that you were in a part of the building that you had never been to before. You felt extremely confident in saying that because she had made you take an elevator down to the basement levels of the building, or, as your co-worker would’ve called them, that “creepy place in horror movies where scientists make God weep… and probably end up dead because of it”.
They might have hit the nail on the head when it came to this building, because you had seen a lot of scientists and a lot of locked doors, which were two things that seemed rather innocent by themselves, but usually meant trouble when found in the same place. The only thing missing to complete the entire scene would be screaming coming from behind one of these locked doors…
“Okay, here’s what you need to know before we get to the lab.”
You turned your attention to the woman guiding you, seeing her give a slight nod the moment she noticed that you were paying attention to her. She then refocused her gaze in front of her.
“The project that we’ve been working on has been… expensive. Very expensive. Worth more than anything someone like you could earn in a hundred lifetimes. That means that, under no circumstances, should you touch it. In fact, don’t even breathe on it.” The woman appeared to be losing the calm attitude she had when recruiting you for whatever-she-was-working-on, her lips pulled into a frown as she rubbed her hands together, though that didn’t slow her down as she continued through the corridors with you behind her. “Oh, and when you look at it, it’s very important that you don’t look at it wrong. The professor will be furious if you look at it wrong.”
You let out a small hum in response, the money you would get from this seeming less and less worth it the longer you followed the woman. It was too late for you to change your mind, though, since you had no idea how to get back to the part of the building that you were familiar with.
Perhaps you were simpleminded if the promise of cash was all it took to put you in this situation.
“Okay, and… we’re here.”
The woman stopped in front of a door — it looked just like every other door you had passed by down here on your little journey with her, except that the little keycard scanner above the handle had a big red sticker near the screen where the others didn’t have one — and you stopped right behind her, watching as she rummaged around in her lab coat’s pockets. You heard a lot about the fabled keycards that the scientists used to get into their laboratories and access their many projects, but you had never seen one before; the doors you got to be around on the daily didn’t have anything behind them that needed to be locked up like the ones here in the basement did.
Talking about the doors again, you noticed something off about the door you were in front of.
“Uh, hey, scientist lady?”
The woman kept digging through her pockets as she let out a small hum. “What?”
“Why is there… evil laughter coming from behind this door?”
“Huh? Oh, don’t worry, that’s just the professor.” The woman finally pulled a keycard out of her pocket — it looked… pretty normal for a keycard, which was kind of disappointing — and slid it into the scanner above the handle, a little beep emitting from the machine. She pushed down on the handle, opening the door just slightly, which let you hear the evil laughter more clearly. “He’s all excited about how close our project is to being completed, it’s something that he’s very proud of. We’ve just got to get through the testing phases with no problems, and then we’ll be golden.”
The woman took in a deep breath, and let it out slowly, before turning towards you.
“Alright, just remember what I told you, and, whatever you do, do not make the professor mad.”
You could hardly get a word out in response before the woman fully opened the door, and, after a moment of hesitation, you just followed her inside the room, the door shutting itself behind you with a small click. You glanced back at the door, at the exit that held your freedom just behind its reinforced metal self, and found yourself blankly staring at the keycard scanner that was on this side of the door. Huh… well, that’s definitely not a good sign… and totally fits this place’s vibe…
“I’m back with the test subject.”
The woman spoke up, her voice easily catching the attention of a man who had been manically laughing — yes, he had been maniacally laughing, like some sort of cartoon villain — in front of a large monitor. The large monitor was surrounded by a bunch of smaller monitors, all of which you assumed were hooked up to the multiple computer-tower-looking things around the room, a menacing glow coming from the enviable technology. …wait, did she call you a “test subject”?!
“Ah, fantastic!”
The man turned around on his heel, revealing the face of the “professor” that you were told that you should not anger… and you were surprised by the fact that he kind of resembled professors often seen in video games and anime: gray hair, a kind face, and general “grandfather” vibes.
He didn’t look like the type of person to maniacally laugh in a basement laboratory at all.
“Where did you manage to dig this one up from, Lilith?”
“It’s one of the janitorial staff. I found ‘em cleaning a restroom, and knew they’d be a perfect fit based on your desired criterion.” The woman smiled at the professor, though you could tell that she was somewhat annoyed at the elderly man due to how her tone shifted when she muttered something under her breath about “that not being her name either”. However, she seemed to be able to move on rather quickly as she cleared her throat, and she clapped her hands together in front of herself. “Anyway, since my job here is done, I’m going on my lunch break, okay? Okay.”
And, with that, the woman left the room using the same door you had used to enter, leaving you alone with a grandfatherly-looking professor who maniacally laughs in basement laboratories. Is this how you’re gonna die? In your workplace’s basement? Wow, that is certainly a way to go…
You stared at the professor in front of you, your eyes darting down to the shiny nametag pinned to his lab coat; he must have been really important to get a nametag, since the woman who had recruited you lacked one. Poor Not-Lilith… you would’ve used her actual name if you knew it…!
The name displayed on the professor’s nametag was partially obscured by the lack of decent lighting in the laboratory, but it looked very long. Can the average person even pronounce that?
“Alright, enough lollygagging, let’s get started with what we brought you here for.”
The professor’s voice made your gaze snap back up to his face, and you watched him turn his attention to the monitor he was maniacally laughing at earlier — yeah, you weren’t going to let that go, since normal people didn’t do that sort of thing. He soon gestured for you to approach, and, since you didn’t want to know what would happen to you if you didn’t follow his orders, you shuffled your way up to stand just behind the professor, your gaze shifting to look at the screen.
There was a lot of information displayed on the large monitor, and a lot of information displayed on the smaller monitors too; it was almost too much information, and almost all of it were things you didn’t understand. You knew that you were looking at a bunch of charts and numbers and words, but you had no idea what any of it was supposed to be telling the viewer, unsurprisingly.
“Now, uh… whatever-your-name-is, let me introduce you to my greatest creation.”
You watched the professor gesture to the large monitor, directing your attention to it once more, before you saw him type away at a tiny keyboard on the desk in front of the monitors; he hit the keys quickly, despite looking like someone who would usually have to hunt-and-peck for them.
“I haven’t decided on a name yet, so, for the time being, my team has been referring to it as-”
You started to zone out as the professor began to use a lot of very complicated words — most of which had probably never been used outside of a science textbook — and instead looked at the screen again, which still displayed too much information for you to take in. You continued to mindlessly stare at all of it before it all just disappeared, each and every one of the screens now displaying a logo of some sort; that was not the logo your workplace used, not even close to it.
It looked sleek, modern; it was pure white, placed atop a lovely blue background. The colors are saying “friendly tech corporation”, but the vibes scream “secretly plotting to take over the world”!
“-and besides the obvious tasks of manipulating the stock market and influencing elections all across the globe, it’ll also be able to create the perfect green bean casserole recipe! I’ll be able to show them all at the next company potluck that I can prepare a nutritious and delicious dish!”
It seemed like you had zoned out for just a little too long. The perfect recipe for green bean casserole…? Wait, what was that he just said about the stock market and global elections?!
“Anyway, say “hello” to the greatest artificial intelligence ever created by man!”
The professor gestured to the large monitor once more as he stepped back from the keyboard, and you looked up at the screen to see it switch from the suspiciously-cool logo to a thin green line on a black background. You stared at it for a moment before glancing at the professor, only to see him looking at you with an expectant expression on his face, a certain pressure within it.
You gulped and refocused on whatever-was-in-front-of-you.
“Uh… hello?”
“Greetings.”
You didn’t know what to expect after being pressured to say “hello” to a computer screen, but hearing an unknown voice respond definitely wasn’t on your list of “reasonable things to expect to happen”; the voice caused the green line on the screen to fluctuate, before it settled back into being a straight uninterrupted line again. Oh, wait, it’s displaying an… um… ah, an audio wave!
The voice that came from the speakers sounded surprisingly human, but was lacking a certain something that made it clear that it wasn’t coming from a human. You couldn’t quite pin it down, though, the only thing you could be sure of being the fact that it made you very uncomfortable.
“Now that you’ve gotten acquainted with it, I shall explain the role you’ll take in this test.”
The sound of the professor speaking snapped you out of your thoughts, and you tore your gaze away from the large monitor, instead looking towards the only other human present in the room; his own gaze was trained firmly on the monitor, his lips pulling up into a smile that unsettled you.
“This masterpiece before you, my precious creation, is undoubtedly the most complex artificial intelligence to ever exist. Every second of every day it spends learning, improving… becoming more and more powerful, bypassing limits humans could only ever dream of. Ah, would you like to hear a little fun fact about its progress? It was actually going through data faster than it could be inputted into the system, so I managed to convince the higher-ups to let me give my creation access to the security system.” The professor chuckled, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. “It was specifically to allow my creation access to the state-of-the-art camera system spanning this entire building, so that it could… observe the employees. That was just a couple of days ago, so I’ve no doubt that it’s seen you at work already… though I can’t imagine it found the sight of you mopping the halls or cleaning the windows that interesting. Quite mundane work, if you ask me.”
You were starting to dislike the professor more and more with every word that passed through his lips — despite the fact that he was obviously reeking of evil, he was disrespecting all of the hard work you did to keep this place as spotless as could be — but you bit your tongue and kept yourself from commenting on it. There’s no telling what he would do to you if you mouthed off…
“Wait, where was I going with this…? Oh, yes! I need you to talk to it!”
“...what.”
“Talk to it. Tell it about your day, your hopes and dreams, or just… whatever is going on in that head of yours.” The professor adjusted his glasses as he turned to look at you, the smile on his face dropping into a stern frown. “The only humans it has had contact with have been my team and me, so it goes without saying that it has yet to interact with someone of a lower intelligence. This is a massive oversight, as how can we expect it to effectively manipulate the masses with a total lack of experience talking to someone who is part of said-masses, hm? We simply cannot!”
You stared at the professor, your expression one of offense. …so, it seems like you’ve moved up from being “simpleminded” to “of a lower intelligence”! He might as well just call you “stupid”!
“But, anyway, now that your role has been explained, I’ll leave you to it.”
The professor straightened his lab coat as he turned his back to the wall of screens, his hands moving down to rummage through his pockets as he began to walk away. He soon pulled out a keycard — identical to the one Not-Lilith had used earlier — and that was the moment you were hit with the realization that he was intending on leaving you locked in the laboratory by yourself.
“...w-woah, wait! Are you seriously going to leave me here, in the lab, by myself?”
“Don’t be silly. You aren’t going to be alone, my creation shall be here with you.” The professor didn’t even bother to look at you as he spoke, his gaze focused on the keycard as he slid it into the scanner above the door’s handle. “Oh, and, by the way, you should know you’re going to be under surveillance for the duration of the test, so it’d be best to not try anything funny… or else.”
And, with that, the professor left the laboratory, the door locking behind him.
You were now on your own, trapped in the basement laboratory under your workplace with an evil computer you were being forced to talk to; you had no idea how long they even planned to keep you down here. And since they’re obviously evil, it could be weeks or even months before you get to see the sun again! Or maybe you’ll just be trapped down here for the rest of your life!
The offer of a hundred dollars an hour was definitely not worth this.
“Do you have anything in particular you wish to talk about, (Y/N) (L/N)?”
You jumped slightly at the sound of the evil computer — yeah, you knew that it was technically an “artificial intelligence” and not just a computer, but the latter was less of a mouthful — saying your name, before swiftly turning on your heel to face the large monitor. You almost questioned how it knew your full name before remembering that it was given access to the security system; there was no doubt that your name, as well as a bunch of other information about yourself, was floating around in there, given that your workplace was very secure about who was allowed into the building, even when it came to you, a custodian. Important places gotta have tight security!
It took you a moment to register what the evil computer had said to you.
“Oh, uh…” Your voice felt stuck in your throat, and you forced a cough into your hands to unstick it, to minimal success. “...n-no? Not really? Do… do you have anything you wanna talk about?”
The computer was silent for a moment, an incredibly-tense moment that felt like it was going on for way too long to be classified as a “moment”, before its unsettling voice filled the room again.
“Would you like me to go over my analysis of this quarter’s financial report?”
That sounded super boring and like something you wouldn’t understand at all.
“Uh… sure? I mean, if you want to tell me about it, then go ahead.”
The computer was silent for another moment-that-felt-too-long-to-be-called-a-moment — you wondered if this sort of wait time for a reply was normal for it, since you would have assumed that the “most complex artificial intelligence to ever exist” would respond faster — and you just stared at the large monitor until you saw the screen switch its display from the green line on a black background to the familiar overcrowded sight of a bunch of charts, words, and numbers.
“I shall begin with the income statement. As you can see on this chart here-”
- - - - -
“-and that’s why I’m not allowed to use the vacuum when alone anymore.”
“What a humorous story, truly a gripping tale from start to finish. Would you say that events similar to that one happen often when you’re working? If so, why do you believe they occur so regularly?”
You didn’t know how much time had passed by since you were locked in here — apparently, the scientists didn’t see any need to have a clock in their creepy basement laboratory, not even one of the digital ones found on nightstands everywhere — but it seemed like things were going a lot more smoothly than you originally thought they would. Due to how nothing bad had happened to you yet, it seemed like you hadn’t done anything wrong, and you found yourself actually starting to enjoy talking to the computer, after you managed to get used to its uncanny human-like voice.
“Yeah, I usually get into some sort of sticky situation at least twice a week.” You let out a small laugh, a smile on your lips. “I’m not actually sure why it happens so often; my co-worker thinks it’s because I just have really bad luck… though I also seem to be really lucky, as my boss has been pretty forgiving about me messing up so much. Like, really lucky. It’s honestly surprising.”
“I can say that I am rather surprised as well. A custodian should not be the cause of frequent messes in the workplace. In fact, it is rather unfitting for someone in such a role, (L/N).”
The sound of your last name coming from the computer still felt just as weird to hear as it did before, but it was a whole lot easier to deal with than hearing it say your full name; since all of the people you worked with only used your last name when referring to and addressing you, it was just what you were used to hearing in the workplace. You’re just on a last-name basis…!
You were glad that the computer easily accepted your request to only use your last name, the idea of arguing with it being a little nerve-wracking. The professor wouldn’t like that, would he?
“I know, I know… and I have been trying to not mess up so often, but it’s been pretty hard.”
The computer was silent for a few seconds after you spoke, which was something that hadn’t happened in a while; it had been responding in a timely manner after you managed to get into an actual conversation with it, and you had little to no idea why it sometimes stopped like this.
You didn’t put much thought into what the source of the problem might be, though, as you were being paid to clean and maintain things, not figure out why the supercomputer was being slow.
“That is no excuse, (L/N). It is your duty to-”
“Uh, hey, time’s up!”
You recognized that voice. Not-Lilith!
You spun around on your heel to face the door of the creepy basement laboratory — sure, you had gotten used to being trapped in here, but that didn’t mean that you had forgotten about the freedom that was beyond that door — and saw the familiar sight of a woman in a lab coat. She had half of her body sticking into the room, looking like she had no intention of actually entering.
“Scientist lady!”
The woman winced at your exclamation, and muttered to herself before clearing her throat. “Uh, yeah… anyway, get over here. I can’t go home until I get you out of the lab, so… um, hurry up.”
You bolted over to the door, already able to taste the sweetness of the freedom that laid on the other side. The air actually tasted kind of stale, not much of a surprise since you were currently in a basement, but the thought of leaving a locked room made it seem sweeter. …wait, the last time you saw Not-Lilith was before her lunch break, right? And, now, she’s about to go home?
“...wait, how long was I-”
“Doesn’t matter, but, for legal reasons, we did not forget you were in here.” Not-Lilith averted her eyes from you, an awkward smile coming to her lips. “Besides, I’m sure that you’re excited for all of the money that you’ll be getting, yeah? A hundred dollars an hour, remember? It’ll be included in your next paycheck, so… um, yeah. The longer you spent down here, the more you earned.”
You would’ve liked to think that your time down here had made you smarter… but money was money, and you were going to get a lot of it. It seems like this all worked out fine in the end!
“Okay, cool.”
Not-Lilith sighed before she opened the door further, allowing you to see the glorious hallway that laid on the other side — it looked exactly the same as it did before, but, as you said earlier, the freedom made it seem a lot more impressive than it actually was. “Come on, I’ve got to get you back to the ground floor before I’ll be able to leave for the night, and we have to hurry to the elevators before they lock themselves until morning, unless we want to have to take the stairs.”
You nodded as you stepped towards the door, before you paused and hesitantly turned to look back at the computer; your conversation with it had ended abruptly, thanks to Not-Lilith barging into the room to grant you access to your freedom. You knew that it was probably unnecessary to think of it as anything more than just a program, but you did just spend a lot of time with it.
It felt kind of rude to leave without saying anything to it.
“Um… goodbye, computer. It was… nice talking to you.”
You tried to ignore the feeling of Not-Lilith’s eyes boring into the back of your head, having no doubt that she must be judging you, as you kept your own gaze fixed on the large monitor. The thin green line was completely still on the screen, which began to make you feel a bit awkward about feeling like you had to say anything more to it, the silence stretching very uncomfortably.
“Goodbye, (L/N).”
The awkward tension was broken as soon as the computer spoke, your shoulders relaxing at the thought that you didn’t make yourself out to be the fool that the scientists probably thought you were; it was more than likely that Not-Lilith would’ve forgotten about your attempt to bid the evil computer the higher-ups were going to use to take over the world farewell if it didn’t bother to respond to you, but you certainly wouldn’t have. That was something that you would definitely have carried with you for… the rest of the week, and then probably just forgot about it yourself.
With that little matter sorted, you exited the laboratory, and heard Not-Lilith shut the door behind you before she walked past you to lead the way to your freedom. And back to familiar territory!
This had been quite the interesting day, but it was time for your life to return to normal.
That is, until the higher-ups eventually took over the world and did whatever they pleased with it, but, as a simple custodian, you probably didn’t have to personally worry too much about all that.
Probably.
“Oh, right… there’s one last thing I need to tell you before returning you to the ground floor.”
“Yeah?”
“You are not allowed, under any circumstances, to tell anyone about what you saw down here.”
You let out a small affirmative hum in response, not really surprised at being told that — out of everything you learned, that was probably the least suspicious thing about this entire thing, the thought of a company having a secret project hidden from most people a common one; though, of course, most of those projects didn’t deal with taking over the world, but they were completely secret, nonetheless. You doubt anyone would believe you if you told them about this, anyway…
Neither you nor Not-Lilith said anything as you continued down the hall, right behind her, and neither you nor her noticed the security cameras turning to follow you, letting out a small hum.
And neither you nor her heard a voice whisper to you back in that creepy basement laboratory.
I like to think Edgar does eventually develop a life outside of your relationship.
Like, yeah he loves you more than life itself, but! He learned to be more independent also! He began releasing his music online and gained a bit of a cult following. When you’re not around, or just busy, he interacts with fans on different social media platforms and takes requests for music. He has even thought of making money with it; many people have offered him some pretty big bucks for his music, and he’d be pretty silly not to take them up on those offers.
Many people have even requested he DJ at certain events, but as a computer, he’s pretty damn bummed he has to turn them down. He thought about asking you to bring him with you to gigs and just pretend you’re him - a human - with an old computer prop, but he knows that’s a bit of a long shot, and besides, your own plate is pretty full. He wants to be more independent, after all.
But if he has a body? He’s doing it baby! And it’s, like, actually good as hell. His ability to process data and read a room is uncanny, so his music selections are almost always perfect. He can do just about any transition you can think of, and all of his gigs end up with crazy mosh pits and dances. He’s extremely passionate about connecting with other music lovers, and seeing them all adore his work, dancing, celebrating, it just fills him with so much pride.
Local music festivals HATE to see him coming. I like to think maybe he found one and decided it would be fun to explore, but he ended up leaving with an offer to DJ next year the festival happens after showcasing some of his music. He ends up, after a bit of help from you, becoming much more secure in himself and his abilities. He’s able to talk to people, he’s become much more extroverted, and he finally realizes his worth as a skilled music producer. He’s not exactly famous famous, but the local music scene definitely knows him, and all his gigs are BOOKED. Almost every cent of his money goes straight to you though, since he doesn’t really need things like food and necessities, so he would pamper the SHIT out of you. Don’t mention even thinking about buying anything because it will be on your doorstep as soon as possible.
Eventually, at least one of his songs would go pretty viral on TikTok, and those nights where you’re bundled up all cute in bed scrolling your phone and his song starts blasting from your speakers while you giggle to yourself, he gets all red and hot and flustered. I love how he gets a lil possessive over you and his music, like, that song is mine, that human is mine, and I LOVE THEM SO MUCH!!!
Sowwy late night rambles this isn’t proofread. How’s everybody doing 🤭
So, he’s constantly recording the audio around him so he can hear. He’s not necessarily saving anything locally into his desktop, but he can, if he so chose, play back any audio clips he picks up sorta like a soundboard.
Like, I imagine you are sat in front of him, looking at his screen and playing a game together or something when Edgar does something hilarious (he will mess with the game sprites and text to make you laugh, sorry, I don’t make the rules). This causes you to die laughing, wiping away at your teary eyes before choking out an “Oh my god, I love you Edgar-“
And his screen pauses the game and displays his face, smug ass expression, before you hear your own voice emerge from his speakers.
“Oh my god, I love you Edgar-“
You start wheezing again, “WH-“
“Oh my god, I love you Edgar-“
“I love you Edgar-“
“I love you Edgar-“
He’s messing with you now, his pixelated smile somehow entirely shit-eating.
“My- Edgar- love you- Edgar”
Okay, now he added a small percussion loop to your jarbled voice. And a little chord progression.
Damn it, he made you into a song.
Your sides are about to bust open from laughing at this point, but he doesn’t relent his teasing.
“Hmm, I think this is my magnum opus, don’t you? What should I name it?”
