#asexual negativity

[glorious-asexual]

you know who’s valid???? asexuals!!!!

[astraque]

Maybe I am broken

I just don’t know what I am anymore and I hate feeling like a shattered glass on the kitchen floor. Maybe one of those mugs that you get as gifts but you hate so it’s always in the back of the cupboard. that’s me and now I’m making everyone around me bleed because I can’t glue myself back together. 

I will always want love but not in that way and I don’t think anyone can give me the love I want without the sexual aspect attached like the end of a backhanded compliment slapping me just as my heart leaps in my chest. 

I’m a biological machine that can’t do what everyone wants it to. And I say I’ll never apologize for it but my chest aches as I look in the yellow-lit room of humanity joining in on this shared experience that I will never have. 

[angels-twice-descending]

i really fuckin wish i wasn't ace

[herecomeslunch]

my dream from last night & a breakdown of it which is boring so whatever

i had a dream that i sat next to some guy in a classroom that looked similar to Thomas Brodie-Sangster except, like, taller & cuter, and he was totally hitting on me so I completely dissed him being all "yo I will not go out with you" despite internally thinking "dang he cute and funny"

so then through the rest of the dream where it was just a bunch of misadventures with him and a couple other guys he just keeps making backhanded comments like "oh well I may be ____ but Bailey doesn't think I'm good enough" and I would eye roll and tell him to shut the fuck up and then at one point when he kept making those jokes I cracked, took him by the face, and shouted at him "I'm Asexual! Stop thinking that I rejected you because I don't think your good enough. I won't date you because I'm only going to be a disappointment for you." And then he just stared at me to take a moment to process so I let go of his face and watched him make a 😕 face and just accept it, nod, and move on.

no, like, reassurance that it was okay to be asexual or that he would be willing to keep trying to date me and just

being rejected by allosexuals with the intention pursuing a relationship with me is so fucking tough and is essentially my worst nightmare which, unfortunately, is quite a reality

that's why i get stressed when cisguys talk to me that i'm not super familiar with (last night) because I immediately think about the sexual sonar and them ultimately aiming for a sexual relationship and i just can't fucking do that-that stresses me out so hard (last night). 

like 75% of the time I love myself for being asexual but that 25% percent is sooooo fucking, idk, constant and demanding to be noticed.

rejection is hard enough as it is because it's just "oh, this person doesn't like me like that" but rejection after initial attraction is "oh, this person no longer likes me in that way because I won't have sex with them" and not in the "i'm celibate/not looking for sex" way, which i mean it kind of is but it's that all the time.

i hate myself lmao