Your own people led you to the slaughter, didn't they?
Oh dear, this is gonna be controversial for many. But considering the damage those notions do to people, I can't just stay silent.
Unfortunately, this year being queer for me is even worse than last year. Although this time, the problem came from the community I have always been proud to be a part of.
This post is going to talk about a problem with asexual community
You probably have heard that "asexuals can have sex, too!!" from aces themselves. The problem is, you can't make a step within the community without being reminded about it. And now, just to clarify: asexuals ≠ demisexuals, graysexuals, etc. Those are a-spec, which is a poor choice for a spectrum name (try calling bisexual spectrum a lesbian one), but not about this thing for now.
In reality, asexuals can have sex, but it happens rarely and it is definitely not an image the majority within the community wants. Why? Because it simply pushes asexuals into doing things they don't want to do.
There are countless of stories where asexuals had sex because of the guilt/manipulation and a basic lack of understanding what concent is. And the community, instead of making sure that asexuals know about enthusiastic concent, propagates that we can have sex, because there is a desperate desire to be seen as normal by the rest of queer community.
"But what about sex favorable aces? They enjoy sex!!" – this is a mix of misused term and misunderstanding of sexuality. Sex favorable – someone who feels indifferent towards sex, but can still have it. Enjoying sex – not being asexual. Because sexuality is not only about attraction, but also about desire. Again, forgive me if I'm wrong, but how many lesbians are going around and enjoying sex with men?
Basically, all the misconceptions, lack of proper distinction between asexuals and greys/demis, stupid sexualised stereotypes because "we have to appear normal!! See, sex is part of our life, too!!" lead to justification of rape, and lack of any safe spaces within the community.
"If I feel that the label fits, why not use it?" Because you're not alone in this world, and all the actions have the consequences. I wouldn't mind any of stupid stereotypes or parroted phrases about sex, or people using any lable they want, if it wasn't so dangerous. And yes, I almost fell into that trap, and now it scares me that if it weren't for a random story on the Internet, I'd be assaulted with a feeling of obligation to it.
This is what this drawing is about. I felt not just betrayed, but so much worse. Because again, a community that had to stand against allonormativity, pushed me towards "pleasuring my partner for their sake". And I think making ace space less allonormative is more important than being "all inclusive". Lables can be stretched, sure, but there have to be boundaries, otherwise it becomes useless.
Ideally, there should be grey spectrum, and reflection on why you, if you're an asexual, spread stereotypes about kinks and all. And yes, there are aces who watch/draw/write NSFW, but one thing is to do so, and the other is to make it a brand card.
That's it for now. Happy pride, and stay safe.
P.S. If you disagree, please feel free to start a discussion. But insulting and pointless heated words are gonna be ignored or deleted. Thank you.
