I would put this under a read more cause it's kinda personal, but I want all my followers to know about the day I'm having.
My birthday is tomorrow. I'll be turning 19.
A year ago, on my 18th birthday, despite the whole world being ahead of me and my ridiculous optimism about the future that later popped, my birthday was terrible. I was home by myself most of the day, I went to lunch with my mom who bitched about the food and service which was terrible. I went to play practice, and felt a little better after because they all sang to me, people I had only known for a few weeks. But then the thoughts of these people I barely knew caring about me more than my own parents drove me to a small breakdown. I say small because it pales in comparison to the things that followed just a few months later. After rehearsal I went to my (then) best friend's house until I felt better, and then went home and cried myself to sleep.
The worst birthday I've ever had, and my first night of being an adult.
In the past year, I've became depressed, lost my sense of self, and successfully hid it from almost everyone. I pulled myself out with the help of friends who came through for me, even when in my deepest heart I didn't think I could trust anyone with helping me. I gained not only friends, but family.
The faults of my own biological family aside, and my own trust issues, I finally have people I can trust and love whole-heartedly. People who love me just the way I am, even when I don't. People who don't look at me weird when I ship Norse Gods, sing and dance, or bake in the middle of the night. People who don't care that I don't believe in religion. People who care about me.
Some days, it was hard to get out of bed. I hated myself, and I wanted to spite my family and leave it all behind, because anything would be better. And then I'd think about what it would do to my girls and I couldn't. I couldn't do that to them.
I'd found something to live for.
And I just want to thank them for that. (Goodness, I'm crying.)
As I said before, I turn 19 tomorrow. And though this year has been straight from hell, this has been the best birthday I've ever had. My babies are throwing me a birthday party. But they didn't have to. Because they've given me the best gift I could ever want, but never ask for; love.
Haleigh, Landra, Harlee, MacKenzie, Maggie, Mallory, Matt, Leah, Tommy, everybody else, you know who you are. I'm crying forgive my memory.
I love you all. Never forget that. <3
As a wise man once said, "Family don't end with blood!"
Shut up, Tommy, I know we're related. :)
But never truer words spoken.
OK, I'll shut up now.
