#interview with the vampire#iwtv#the vampire armand#assad zaman
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Get highly coveted advice and answers from the Nazgûl who puts the “Romance” in “Necromancer”
What do I do about foolish men who think that ambition replaces a decent grasp of civics? Asking for a friend. - Tar-Míriel
Dear Tar-Míriel,
Murder.
Cheers,
Angmar
...what, no? That’s off the table? I guess this is why I’m the Witch-King of Angmar and not the Good Witch of Númenor. Fine ;)
Dear Tar-Míriel,
Undermine efforts where possible, and encourage this ambitious, civic-unminded “fictional” jackass to waste his time and energy on things that will forestall his progress whilst making him feel accomplished.
If you decide to take up that first answer, though, I have a Morgûl blade, a questionable grasp of morality and don’t ask questions.
Do come visit some time!
Very sincerely meaning what I said about murder,
Angmar
Do you have a question or need advice?
Why not ask your friendly local Nazgûl
The Shire is sure hard to navigate! What do you think?
Dear Anon,
You’re right, it’s a death trap of unmarked picturesque trails and identical hills with identical round doors behind which are identical RUDE AS HELL hobbits, who won’t even take a message! If I could give The Shire zero stars on Yelp, I would.
If you want some advise, I’d say never go there and refuse to acknowledge it exists.
Just my thoughts. The ones they are fit to print, anyhow - the rest are incomprehensible swearing.
Good luck avoiding Hobbit Hell,
Angmar
Ask a question and you might even get a picture of a nazgul in return. And an answer. What a bargain!
Dear Angmar, Can you please run me through with a spear? My grades are going down and my parents are going to kill me anyways. Thank you in advance, Anon
Greetings Anon,
I’m sorry to hear about your grades and the fact that your parents are making it even more stressful. Unfortunately I think you would find that it would be the opposite of the intended effect, and due to the dark sorcerous nature of Morgûl weapons, the result would be a deathless eternity of bad grades! So to avoid this, I think it would be the best course of action to try and warn your parents that your grades are slipping ahead of time and realize that even if they try to run you through, there’s about an 80% chance that they’ll be too poor of aim to do much damage.
As a notorious bad grade haver myself, I can sympathize, but regardless, as long as you pass, grades mean approximately nothing once you’re out of academia and into a lucrative career in being a fuckin immortal necromancer and professional ultra-villain. Tell your folks that the Witch-King says it’s fine and to chill out - and who’d be foolhardy enough to fail to follow THAT advice?
Best of luck!
Angmar
PS. I checked, I only have a sword and a mace, as it is. Sorry! You could try Gil-Galad, but the High King of the Noldor is unlikely to be willing to spear you for slipping marks at school.
Are you in love with khamûl?
I’ve always found it to be a good idea to leave Romance out of the workplace, especially when your job involves being an undying necromancer in the service of the Dark Lord and being stuck with your only 8 coworkers for all eternity.
Which is to say, feel free to draw your own conclusions, I’ve got a great poker face due to this amazing cloak.
Angmar
Thoughts on Pharazon?
He’s not even the real king of Númenor...
...but that’s none of my business.
Love,
Angmar
