??? ( for wolfie, I just cant be arsed switching blogs :') )
@fiightcr || secret muse thoughts
A fallen angel isn’t enough for Wolfie, but I’m too weak to set her free. Her love is just another drug I’m addicted to. And she deserves so much better. I’m going to be the ruin of her, and I can’t stop myself. I’m a monster.
@fiightcr || angst meme number 55: Your muse says they hate mine.
Agony.
It wasn’t a foreign emotion anymore, though he rarely allowed the feeling to pass through the haze he kept himself in most days. Castiel had been doing better though, staying sober whenever she was spending the night and allowing himself to love her to the fullest of his abilities. Although, now it seemed all that effort had been in vain.
She hated him.
Like Dean had told him so many times when they had some of their more volatile fights, she had now used the same words which could destroy the last remains of his heart. And destroy it, she did.
The fallen angel squeezed his eyes shut to block out the pain, already thinking of the next fix which could wipe this all from existence. It was all he had left now anyway, wasn’t it? Even if he went back to losing himself in sex and hunting, the release would never outweigh the complete bliss of nothingness. Not feeling was its own form of happiness.
As he opened his blue hues, he saw her again in all her beautiful fury and he sighed. He’d expected her to be gone by now. Why was she still standing here?
Shaking his head at his own thoughts as more hopeful notions tried to break through the darkness, he answered her in a rough, gravel tone of voice, “I understand. I hate me, too.” And with that he turned away from her, heading to the common room where the promise of oblivion waited for him.
There was such heat and passion in this meeting of lips that Castiel couldn’t find it in himself to show even the smallest amount of restraint. Moaning wantonly into the kiss, the former angel gripped her waist tightly and pulled her into him abruptly, not wanting any space to exist between them. His lover had been gone for too long and now that he had her here, everything about her drove him absolutely mad with desire.
His huntress was GLORIOUS, all strong muscles and soft skin, smelling of gunpowder mixed in with sweat and something undeniably feminine. And then there was the taste of her! Castiel thought he could live for eons more without ever CRAVING another flavor more. She was sweet, smoky and delicious beyond compare. He lost himself completely in the blonde, and he wouldn’t want it any other way.
Despite the past and the many battles he still had to fight on a daily basis, Wolfie was his ANGEL. His everything. He loved him with all the broken pieces of his heart. If only he could be sure she wouldn’t end up leaving him like the rest before.
His lips were chapped terribly from the latest torture he’d been subjected to, and more than once did the smallest brush of his tongue sting rather than bring the much desired relief.
Still, to feel the warmth of her lips on his didn’t hurt one bit. No, it was soothing the pain more than any balm ever could, and he hungrily grabbed her around the waist, pulling the blonde in impossibly closer.
Missing her was worse than anything anyone could ever do to his body, and he had ached for her every moment they’d been apart. It should have stunned him into awkward silence if he’d been more aware of how much his feeling for her continued to grow, if he wasn’t too busy drowning in the one he loved.
His huntress was perfect in every way, from the smokey scent of her weapons which clung to her skin to her scarred body, each telling its own tale of her heroism as well as her misery, each imperfection making her even more beautiful in his eyes.
Tracing the arch of her upper lip eagerly with his tongue he clamped both lips down on it playfully, tugging a little before smiling and finally releasing her from one of the sweetest kisses in his long existence.
" c’mere, that’s on crooked. " ( are we talking about the tie ? YES WE ARE ! )
@fiightcr | old forgotten meme
“I’m sure I can straighten it,” he answered, but he still listened and moved close enough for her to fix it. As he waited and undoubtedly stared at her several beats longer than necessary, he told her softly, “I’ve missed you.”
There was a toughness to her which most hunters had, and so defining their feelings had never really been a necessary thing. Or so Cas thought. He believed she would know just how important she was to him.
Then again, he’d pretty much been a WHORE after he lost his powers and Dean left him. The whole love guru phase had been about surrendering to and indulging in the DECADENCE of life, but it didn’t mean that Castiel wasn’t capable of feeling real, in-depth emotions. He LOVED her. He really did. Even when drugs numbed down everything else, it couldn’t lessen that. The former angel just didn’t know how to tell her though.