💔
@fiightcr || angst meme number 55: Your muse says they hate mine.
Agony.
It wasn’t a foreign emotion anymore, though he rarely allowed the feeling to pass through the haze he kept himself in most days. Castiel had been doing better though, staying sober whenever she was spending the night and allowing himself to love her to the fullest of his abilities. Although, now it seemed all that effort had been in vain.
She hated him.
Like Dean had told him so many times when they had some of their more volatile fights, she had now used the same words which could destroy the last remains of his heart. And destroy it, she did.
The fallen angel squeezed his eyes shut to block out the pain, already thinking of the next fix which could wipe this all from existence. It was all he had left now anyway, wasn’t it? Even if he went back to losing himself in sex and hunting, the release would never outweigh the complete bliss of nothingness. Not feeling was its own form of happiness.
As he opened his blue hues, he saw her again in all her beautiful fury and he sighed. He’d expected her to be gone by now. Why was she still standing here?
Shaking his head at his own thoughts as more hopeful notions tried to break through the darkness, he answered her in a rough, gravel tone of voice, “I understand. I hate me, too.” And with that he turned away from her, heading to the common room where the promise of oblivion waited for him.