#ask-pauli-answer

[ask-pauli-amorous]

My partner's partner just tested positive for an un-cure-able STI. I don't want to have sex with him anymore and put my other partners at risk, but I love him dearly and sex is a hugely important aspect of our relationship. How can I save this? Thanks. I'm at my wits' end.

This is a good time to take a moment to direct your thoughts inward:

What are your boundaries?

What do you need to feel safe having sex with someone?

What are the rules you've set up with other partners?

Keep your conclusions firmly in mind. Communicate them with your partner. Let him know what your fears are. Be careful to present them in an "I am afraid" way as opposed to the common pitfall of presenting them like an attack. Remember: He's probably in need of comfort right now too. Be there for him even as you lean on him. Good luck.<3 Pauli

[ask-pauli-amorous]

I recently broke up with my only local partner (it was more like removing the romantic aspect of our friendship than a mainstream breakup), and now one of his friends is hitting on me. He's acting like he already owns me. I've been poly so long that I forgot how controlling and ownership-based monogamy used to feel. Is all monogamy so ownership-based, or are my experiences limited?

Generally speaking, blanket statements are rarely truly accurate. However, in my personal experience and in those relationships I have witnessed, monogamy does seem to consistently have at least some amount of control and ownership between partners. Perhaps some of my followers can provide more insight?

[ask-pauli-amorous]

Im interested in this bloke but I can't tell if he's polyfi or or just poly. I don't want to embarass mysel by asking him out if he's polyfi.

Before asking him out, you might consider just asking him what his relationship structure is like. This way you'll have the information you're looking for in order to determine whether or not you want to ask him out.