i had asked you another thing on anon once, as a minor diagnosed with conduct disorder. you said it was likely that i'd develop aspd on the future. ofc no one can truly be certain about what will happen but it got me thinking a lot. you are someone with aspd who seems quite nice and functional *on the outside and through the filters of social media*, would u say you are happy despite/with ur aspd?
u mentioned that labeling emotions is difficult for u lol but i guess im asking if you would consider your life is fulfilling or wether ur aspd symptoms specifically are still making it difficult and tedious, sad, just not enjoyable idk whatever. for instance, if u experience chronic understimulation that is too bad to find enjoyment in life, if ur life conditions are bad bc of impulsivity / crime-comitting / etc and whatever. i hope this is a clear question lmao i guess im kinda trying to give myself hope that if this is not "just a phase" i will still live a comfortable life but idk lmao
Studies indicate that a teenagehood onset of conduct disorder is more likely to cool down at adulthood. This may indeed be "just a phase" with some extreme forms of teenage rebellion. Childhood onset it is more likely that the traits remain throughout life. You know better than me which one it is. But do not worry too much about it. Science and education get better, and so will be ways to treat that disorder. And, as you pointed out, your life decisions will also impact how you turn out eventually.
Understimulation is indeed a thing, but I learned to combat it by doing something new. It can only be better than before, and once that got boring too, I may go back to something I did before - for example my work. But sometimes I worry what to do once I finished everything I find exciting. At some point, I will probably just off myself. But this day is still far away! It is just neat to have the option though. Not only we ourselves, but also the people around us contribute to change and new perspectives. New stories, new places, different sensations, sometimes we have to wait a little and new things will arrive soon.
Criminal activities are closely tied to your abilities and opportunities. You cannot break in, if you never learned how to lock pick. If you worry about crimes, keep an eye out what type of people you are surrounding yourself. Shady people make a request for robbing a Gas station much more likely than a bunch of nerds. You may be too lazy or incompetent to get the requirements for a robbery, but with friends around, it might be easy and oooops, you are in trouble. So perhaps you better hang out with the nerds, right?
Both gang members and nerds have some entertainment to offer, but one is socially accepted, the other is a way to jail. If you are aware of your own faults, you work yourself around it. If you know you sometimes take random side-steps, do not get close to the cliff.
Impulsivity means that we often act before we think things through. Putting as many steps between yourself and a stupid action is the best thing you can do. For example, I do not touch guns! Okay, okay there have been exceptions, but in general I try to avoid people and stores and other opportunity to get one. If no gun is available, a lot of stupid things are much harder to do, you know? More steps between me and the cliff. Social environment plays an important role in this.
I would also add another advise for your future, because I wished someone had told me. If you ever get into a relationship you care about, do not (!) ever break up or make a threat about breaking up, in any emotional moment! Be it a friendship, a romantic relationship, or whatever. In the spurt of a moment, during a verbal fight, or just a stressful situation, one may feel nothing but annoyance or rage. Some pwASPD have a very limited emotional range. As such, you may feel only resentment for that person. However (!), non-ASPD people store multiple emotions at once.
A sister of mine explained it to me like that. If she gets into an argument with a person she loves, she may hate the person during the moment of the argument, but because they love them in general, they consider future perspectives and moments, having hope for reconciliation, and a limitation on what they are willing to say and to do to them. In other words, positive emotions still linger dorment behind the anger. I feel only the dominant emotion.
I only have one or maybe two emotions at once and little to no future insights. As such, if I get into a fight with someone - even if I cared about that person in the past, and would do so in the future - at the moment, I only experience hate, I only see an enemy, and I am gonna treat them like an enemy. My reaction acts accordingly. However, hitting them, or even just verbally breaking up, will cause irreparable damage to the relationship. Do not give in into that emotion!
I did not know that! I thought I could just tell in a stressful moment, when a friend pisses me off,that I break up our friendship and want nothing to do with them anymore, and tell them that I am fine again 5 minutes later after I calmed down. This - does - NOT - work! Because, at least I assume, for socials, the entire emotional cluster they associate with you breaks at that moment.
We may have only one emotion at the moment, but they have all the other associated emotions in mind during the fight, and all of them shatter, if you break up, insult, or leash out. You may say sorry, but the trust will never be the same. It is like glued glass, which you can try to reconstruct but the cracks remain visible.
What I found working for me was trying to dissociate or to disengage with the situation. Sometimes, just running away, and hoping that no person gives a stupid fuck, cause a second time I will not be able to distract myself. I may break things (or people), but it is at least not my people and not my things. At best, run somewhere less populated, and just run.
What I think helps in general with impulsivity is to distract yourself! Find something more important thatn the striking impulse. It is said that pwASPD are extremely reward driven. Some theorize that our lack of empathy and anxiety derives mostly from this tunnel vision for reward. If you watch yourself doing something stupid, remind yourself of something better. Do not (!) try to calm down by thinking about consequences, punishment, or anything bad, because it may accelerates excitement and hence the action.
In reality, it can look like this: I have a promising appointment in half an hour. Now I am at the groceries. There is a good chance to leave the place with a little fun. However, if I do this, I may not be able to go to the even much more rewarding appointment. So, I may just stick to the plan which leads to a chance to enhance my career. At least for me, this often works.
I hope I could give you some perspectives that having ASPD does not necessarily mean that your life will be largely free rent one room apartment with bars in front of the window. I know quite a few successful pwASPD, who also had a more exciting life than most people I know, but still turned out fine.
Most of these who take a good turn, developed self-awareness, at least tried therapy at some point, and reflected about their behavior, and admitted their disorder rather than denying it. Given the existence of your question, there is a good chance you will turn out to be fine!