Yuu asked it so casually, mid-chew, like she was just wondering aloud if it might rain later:
“Have mers been considered a delicacy in past years?”
Ace stared at her like she’d just admitted to eating baby seals. “Yuu. Yuu. You can’t just—say things like that. In this school. With context or without.”
The whole table went silent. Even Epel stopped tearing open his pudding cup.
“Why?” she blinked, genuinely confused. “It’s a historical question. I didn’t say I wanted to eat them—”
“That’s not better!!” Deuce hissed, visibly sweating. “You realize who’s in this school, right?!”
“They’re not here.”
“They could be!!” Ace snapped, gesturing wildly. “You know damn well Floyd has freaky hearing and no concept of boundaries. He’d burst through the window like the Kool-Aid Man if he heard that.”
Yuu shrugged. “It’s just a question.”
“A cannibal-adjacent question,” Jack muttered under his breath.
“Okay, to be fair…” Epel leaned in, voice lowered. “There’s probably a reason they’re not on land menus. I mean, if tuna’s expensive, imagine a mer steak.”
Deuce made a strangled sound.
“You’re not helping,” Jack said firmly, shooting Epel a glare.
“But he’s not wrong,” Yuu pointed out. “There’s probably folklore somewhere about someone roasting a mermaid.”
“STOP TALKING LIKE THAT,” Deuce whisper-yelled. “That’s Azul’s family. That’s Floyd’s family. They’ll gut you like a trout and serve you at the Lounge!”
“I don’t think Azul eats humans,” Yuu said thoughtfully. “He seems more like a ‘steals your soul and finances’ kind of guy.”
“That’s not reassuring!”
Sebek, who’d been unusually quiet, suddenly slammed his tray down with a look of righteous fury. “HUMANS ARE TRULY DISGUSTING CREATURES. You speak so casually of devouring intelligent beings! You people are unhinged!”
“Pretty sure mers used to eat sailors, too,” Yuu added blandly. “So technically we’re even.”
“Oh my gods,” Ace muttered. “You're gonna get us all turned into sashimi.”
“If Floyd shows up and starts asking who wants to ‘play fish market,’ I’m out,” Deuce warned.
“...I wonder what sauce would go best,” Epel mumbled, clearly thinking too hard.
Jack looked betrayed. “Don’t help her.”
“You guys are acting like I’m plotting a sea-creature buffet,” Yuu said, finally cracking a smile. “It’s just speculation.”
Ace pinched the bridge of his nose. “That’s what makes it worse. You always sound normal until we’re halfway through the topic and realize we’re talking about cooking classmates!”
“I haven’t even gotten to the hypothetical war crimes yet,” she said cheerfully.
Sebek made a sound like a kettle about to explode.
It is said that humans live a blissful life as souls up in the sky before they decide to incarnate onto the earthly realms.
Up there everything is effortless and sweet, so perfect that we couldn’t ever imagine it properly. Yet, they decide to give up their eden perfection to come down to earth. Why you may ask?
Because they get bored. Too much of anything is deadly, even if it’s something as precious as blissful love.
Hence, they make plans to come down to earth in order to play. Some souls are rather boring, whereas other souls are quite dramatic - making up a full play for them to enjoy. They look for other souls to play their part - mothers, fathers, villains or lovers.
„You’re gonna do this to me and I’m gonna do that to you and we may hate each other for a while but in the end it will be all so sweet“, they giggle while making plots. What they don’t know though is that once their souls incarnate back to earth, they will forget everything they once knew - scheming plans included.
The states of feeling mighty and powerful get replaced with vulnerability and insecurity, divinity in exchange for humanity.
A deep sigh escaped Eun Woo’s lips as he watched you cry into your pillows for the fifth time this week.
„What’s wrong?“, his friend asked concerned.
„It’s y/n.“, he answered flatly.
„What about her?“
Eun Woo turned around and mustered his friend, thinking of the right words to predict his dilemma.
„Do you remember when she used to be with us up here?“
His friend nodded silently.
„Back then we made the perfect plan. We created our own drama, so to say.“
„What was it about?“
Flashbacks of those times entered his mind, filling his heart with a deep longing.
„Are you really sure, y/n?“, Eun Woo whispered while placing delicate kisses on your neck.
„Yes. I want to do it like that this time.“, you nodded enthusiastically.
„My love. Let’s go through the plan once more, then.“
„I will incarnate onto earth and live a miserable life. I will fail in love over and over until I can’t take it anymore. I want to discover love as a fragile, little human. I want to understand their pain and their agony. I want to be miserable, utterly miserable. I want to build my own hell and I want to understand how I’m doing it… And then, once I’m ready, then you show up, BOOM, the love of my life - in heaven and on earth and you rescue me from my deep despair and then we can be..“
„Happy.“, he interrupted.
A big smile formed on your face.
„Yes. Happy.“
„So, why are you so sad then? The plan seems solid.“, Eun Woo’s friend remarked.
„Somehow it’s not. She did fail in love. A lot of times. But somehow she can’t get past that stage..“, Eun Woo explained.
„How can that happen? Isn’t it written in the stars, like destiny?“
„It should be, yes.“
Both stayed silent for a while and thought about ways to resolve this.
„Can’t you just swoop in and rescue her?“
He shook his head sadly.
„Why not?“
„Because she wouldn’t let me.“
„Let you? Aren’t you like… her soulmate?“, his friend asked confused.
„I am. And because of that I will always find my way back to her, heaven or earth, doesn’t really matter. But she’s not ready for me, yet.“
„How can you tell?“
Eun Woo walked over to the shelf where he was keeping his collection of your play. Each act carefully documented, each act waiting for its grand finale. He came back with a heavy book, searching for the right pages.
„Do you know when souls finally find each other?“, Eun Woo asked.
„No idea.“, his friend remarked.
„It’s when they’re ready for one another. Now tell me - do you think this sounds ready?“, he asked as he pushed the book over to his friend.
It’s official - I am unlovable. Seems like everybody and their mother can find the love of their lives but not me. I’m not meant for love. I’m meant for heartbreak. Because that’s what men do - break your heart. First, they use me for sex and then they dispose me like a tissue. Reject me. Abandon me. Block me.
Relationships suck. Love sucks. This is too hard and it always ends in pain. Fuck this shit, I’m going to die alone. Because apparently nobody wants to be with me. Or get to know me. I’m just not someone you fall in love with.
„Yikes“, Eun Woo’s friend flinched. „Gotta give it to her - she does sound like a real human though.“, he drily remarked.
Eun Woo rolled his eyes in frustration. This shit was eating him up.
Even if he descended onto earth now and forgot about all your pain, he would never be able to get through to you.
„Men really did a number on her, huh?“, his friend asked.
„It’s what she wanted. Some drama to enjoy our love more. And drama she got…“, he explained sadly.
„So what are you going to do?“
Eun Woo averted his gaze back onto you, watching you from above as you cried and cried and cried.
„Waiting for a miracle, I guess.“
„Aren’t you tired of waiting?“
„What else am I supposed to do?“, he snapped.
„The plan is already rigged, you said so yourself. Can’t you use that to your advantage and rig it further?“, his friend proposed.
Eun Woo thought for a second - could he really do that? Go against fate like that?
Your sobs made his stomach churn once again, he had to act, no matter the consequences.
„Come with me“, he demanded as he left the room.
„Where are we going?“, his friend called after him.
PLATONIC WHB! KINGS WITH A SIBLING READER w/ HYPERSOMNIA
I took inspo from OM Belphie for the reader, but made them not an asshole and cuddly. you/you're pronouns for reader, though reader has a dick in Leviathans. Reader is younger than the kings, a child/young teen( I have no clue how age works in Hell) probably shit grammar. Mammon's was short as balls, I'm sorry my fellow ass enjoyer.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
SATAN
~~~~~~~
-Average older sibling experience.
-Satan nicknamed you whiskers to piss you off. That is only for your ears though. In public, he either calls you by your name, or calls you 'sleepy'. Thats it, that's the headcannon/j
-Satan loves messing with you while you sleep. stealing your pillows, taking your blankets, throwing you off of whatever surface your onn...
-Poured ice water on you once trying to piss you off. It failed. You got up, and went back to sleep on the warm part of the floor :(
-He let Sitiri give you black tea ONE TIME. Never again. You were bouncing off the walls for two hours, and then passed out for the rest of the day. Hence, you are banned from drinking black tea (He never said anything about coffee. DON'T LET HIM KNOW)
-One time, you two got into a big ass fight about something,(You were too sleepy to care or remember what it was) and so, you decide to go sleep with Sitiri. While the cuddles were very nice, Satan was much more than pissed when he found out. If looks could kill, the Milky Way wouldn't have bothered exploding, it would have just evaporated.
-You got banned from cuddling with Sitiri after that.
-After the angels started invading Gehenna, Satan wouldn't let you sleep outside. Only in your room, or his, preferably. that way he can make sure you're safe from harm And other demons trying to cuddle with you
-He's a big tease, but he doesn't let anyone else do that. Ppyong got thrown a few times because they kept waking you up, and Satan got mad because how dare someone else tease his little sibling Ppyong was being annoying.
-He loves you a shit ton, and actually hates it when you get really mad at him. Because then you ignore him and find someone else to cuddle with, and Satan HATES that. So, only teasing and friendly banter.
-I'll leave this here, but I feel like he's a big cuddler. He likes you close at night, so he knows your safe, within his arms, of course.
-He's also a fucking oven. With that much rage in that small body? That shit emanates warmth like the fucking sun, and his bath card says he can even heat bathwater with his rage. Good for cuddles, of course.
"Eh? You woke up. shocker. Go back to sleep, I'll be right here still..." `~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
BEELZEBUB
(I don't know much about him, as I just got his Bloodshed card recently. I apologize if this makes no sense!) ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Beelzebub doesn't mind the fact you sleep pretty much all day, though he can get a bit worrying as he spends most of his time traveling -the one bad thing about it is that you fall asleep anywhere.
-One time, he found you asleep in a tree. A TREE. he was astonished, was that even comfortable???? You wanted to look at the stars, but you had fallen asleep while watching then sun go down. Once Beelzebub found that out, he just patted your head and told you to tell him next time.
-He likes to pick out your earrings. (It says in the downloading screen that The demons from the part Beelzubub rules over all have piercings, so I'm going off of that) He thinks mix-matching black and dark green studs look nice on you
-Having nearly died multiple times, Beelzebub finds himself keeping a close eye on you, just to make sure that you're safe.
-He finds comfort in being with you while you sleep. Whenever he wakes up, you always have your arms wrapped around him, and occasionally mumble out a sleepy complain about not wanting him to leave. It makes him smile, you wanting him to stay. So, of course he lies back down. A couple more minutes can't hurt.
-Similar to Satan, he's really warm. Not like an oven, though. He's more like that warm, comfortable feeling you get when you get in bed.
-Beelzebub's noticed that whenever he gets hurt, you always sleep with him for the next few days, or even weeks. It's like your way of showing worry, and he likes the cuddles.
-He dreams about sleeping in a bed next to a sunny window, while someone takes care of him. He knows it's never going to happen, but with you? He's more than willing to cuddle with you during the day, or anytime for that matter.
"Ah, Did I wake you up? No, I'm not going anywhere, so why don't we go back to sleep..."
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
LEVIATHAN
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
-Solomon have mercy on you, you poor sleepy cat :(
-Leviathan can't find you? You must be off cuddling with someone other than him. How dare you choose some lowly, unimportant demon instead of your Overbearing and clingy Perfect Brother Leviathan >:0
-You have to be in sight pretty much all the time. You do get some self-sleepy time, but only when Leviathans really busy. And I mean REALLY busy. Hades needs to be falling apart and/or being invaded by angels for you to get that sweet, sweet self-sleepy time.
-You got mad at him, and went to sleep with someone else? Say bye-bye to your ability to leave his palace/house-thing, because that's GONE the millisecond Leviathan find out.
-The person you were sleeping with? Hung. You? With him, In his coffin, tied up so he can cuddle you to his hearts content. He doesn't care that he's being unreasonable. He loves you too much, and doesn't want another demon to take you away from him >:((
-Leviathan loves you, a bit too much. No other soul is allowed to cuddle with you, let alone breathe sleep near you, unless they wish to be hung.
-He likes it when your pillows and blankets are in his signature colors. That's all he lets you have. Black, silver, and purple. Maybe a few others, but those are the majority.
-Leviathan adores it when you take baths with him. He likes seeing you vulnerable because he knows he's the only person able to see you like that.
-He'd also make you wear a Chasity cage. He's the King of Envy, he can't just let you run amok Hades, alone unsafe! What if someone takes advantage of you being unsafe? The unsafe factor being your dick touching your underwear
. -When He gets a bit envious, for any reason regarding you, he makes you to cuddle with him, in his coffin. You're too sleepy to care, but Leviathan does. Too much
. -Watches you sleep. I'm not even joking. He'd stare at you, asleep in his bed, for about 5 minutes before going to cuddle you.
"The audacity for someone to even try to take you away from me... And now, you're here with me, cuddling with your amazing older brother. Isn't this so much better?"
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
MAMMON
(I gave up here, soory fellow Mammon Enjoyers)
~~~~
-You might just be luckiest demon in the world
-Mammon loves you, and lets it be known.
-Also a big cuddler, AND he gets you a shit ton of blankets and pillows.
-After a long day of doing whatever he does, Mammon likes to lay down and cuddle with you.
-When he says everything belongs to him, he means EVERYTHING. He's more than happy to get you anything you want, which is usually pillows, blankets, and quality time.
-That sleepy little look you give him when he accidently woke you up while laying down with you? Melts his heart, really.
-If you like stuffed animals, especially themed ones, He'll make sure you have an army of stuffed toys, just for you.
-Mammon likes to hear you talk about anything, really. Your toys' names? He'll listen. That band you like? He's down for it. The entirety of the FNAF lore? Mammon's patting your head as you ramble.
-He wants you to be as comfy as possible.
-Mammon finds himself buying small things that remind him of you. A necklace that in your favorite color, a stuffie that fits the theme of your collection… Etc.
"Good morning. How was your rest? I'm sure it was nice, with me by your side."
oh my god I forgot I was talking about this it was sooo funny omg. I thought of this in like 2021 bc there were so many vampire Mumbo fics in s8 lmao
okay so essentially the idea was a comedy of Grian desperately trying to get Mumbo’s attention via exposed neck, but horribly failing every time due to mumbo’s sheer obliviousness. Grian would orchestrate whole Situations and Mumbo would just. Cruise right on by bc it was s8 and he had taken how vow of pacifism but also he’s just stupid 💞 Essentially it went like this, constantly:
Grian, in a white blouse that’s falling off his shoulder, draped against a wall: Oh No! What Hath Befallen Me! I Am Trapped Here Vulnerable And Weak Before My Best Friend Who Is A Vampire! On The Full Moon! Alone! Just The Two Of Us! What Ever Shall I Do?
Mumbo (fixing blouse so it sits correctly on grians shoulder): Aw don’t worry about it mate we’ll get you home ^-^
or it would go like:
Grian, stabbing himself with a fork in front of Mumbo: Alas! My Blunder Shall Be A Fatal Mistake! I Fear The Scent Of My Blood Is Too Tantalizing And Irresistible To The Likes Of A Vampire! I Suppose I Just Have To Let Him Drink My Blood Now, As I Am Too Injured To Fight Back!
Mumbo, who literally watched as Grian stabbed himself: OH MY GOSH DRINK A POTION WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT TO YOURSELF
Grian, batting his eyelashes flirtatiously as he is actively bleeding out: urrghghg
Essentially the whole fic is unstoppable force (grians inability to to talk about things like a norma person combined with his persistence and commitment to the bit) vs immovable object (mumbo’s cartoonish obliviousness)
Eventually I’d assume they’d get their shit figured out but I never got that far LMAO. Narratively it would have to involve Grian putting on his big boy pants and talking to Mumbo about his feewwings instead of trying to manufacture a situation from a twilight fanfiction, yk? Bc Mumbo was never going to get any of the hints.
thanks for asking abt this, it was a fun trip down memory lane!!
