#atar struggles

[thomas0fan0club]

my talent is watching

Both seasons of ghosts

All 3 seasons of yonderland

And 4.3 seasons of Horrible Histories (I couldn’t get my hands on most of season 4)

IN A WEEK

While studying for the exams in 3 weeks and attending therapy day program and going to work. Fair to say I’m tired

...and I’ve spent this week rewatching the aforementioned series, as well as bloopers and interviews

[thomas0fan0club]

Just had my human bio atar exam. I finished it half an hour early and got to edit everything. I hope to fuck I do well and can bump my grade up a few percentiles so I’m on an A.

My hand hurts so badly when I write to the point it kinda paralyses itself in the exam when I shifted my grip to highlight. So much pain.

I also get rest periods bc mento illness and bc I’m in therapy and only go to school 2 days a week. So I’m doing quite well given the circumstances- however my mum thinks I can do better so 😐

I have an English exam tomorrow that I haven’t started studying for and omg the impulse to watch HH and smoke is so strong. Maybe a cheeky episode won’t hurt- would help with my energy levels bc I’m so exhausted

Emotionally and socially- I hung out with some new friends who I am very different from. I grew up my whole life with gifted kid syndrome friends- all in AEP, academic extension, uni students, my parents both worked on PhDs and my dad has one. So it was so weird to be doing drugs with drop outs.

I was over praised for my achievements which makes me feel uncomfy- although each fact I dropped about biology or history (my two fav things to study) it was kinda just met with stares or not being heard- curse my anxiety.

And none of the people I was with have similar interesting in the 6 idiots or musical theatre or comedy music so I listened to a lot of popular rap and street style music. It’s not bad but I couldn’t put my own stuff on or I’d get embarrassed and turn it off bc I’m the only one who knows the lyrics.

Emotions are so weird- can’t see my therapist until after exams so im just venting so much in my diary- and here- bc it’s safe from judgement and people who know me IRL. And I can self indulge in all the obsessions I have. It’s also the 1 year anniversary of my fat depressive episode so I hope we don’t go for round 2.

Anyway- that was a mess of just a fraction of all the thoughts swirling in my head.

[waffleswiftt]

same @ past self

[waffleswiftt]

i should just start tagging all my atar and school complaint posts with 'atar struggles' so i have a full documentation of them all