as the world caves in | ch. 10 | bucky barnes x reader
synopsis: You are a ghost story. A former Air Force pilot who had her plane shot down by Germany in 1945, but here you were in 2023, alive and frozen in your 25-year-old body.
You haven’t seen Bucky since the 1940’s, before his fall, before you went on a suicide mission only to come back alive. You aren’t sure reliving those memories – and being a living memory of everything the man has lost – is the best for him.
But you and Bucky won’t be apart for long.
This will loosely follow the plot of TFATWS - so spoilers ahead, specially regarding episode six (finale). Thread carefully!
masterlist | AO3
notes: wheewoo. it's been a while, and I hope you guys - whoever still reads this - enjoy this. I'm so so sorry for taking so long. We're nearing the end. iykyk. (warnings: fluff, angst, mentions of the apocalypse and atomic bombs, mentions of death, wwii) (word count: 4.5K)
ten: coffee
The aroma of coffee filled your nostrils as you stirred awake. You stretched your limbs on your bed as the soft sunrays of the early morning entered through the window.
Your feet made little noise as you padded towards the smell, though you knew Bucky’s super-soldier ears would pick it up anyway.
“Mornin’.” The husk of his voice, of his first word of the day, made your heart skip a beat. It was like a record you could keep forever on repeat.
You were almost glad he kept his back turned so he didn’t see you bite your lip and subsequently roll your eyes at your own reaction.
“Good morning.” You say it back once you get to the kitchen, smiling at him as you watched him move around. “Coffee?”
“Yeah. Here.” He slid a mug to you and took one for himself, seemingly satisfied with his job as you see him give a little nod after a sip.
You whispered your thanks and brought the drink to your lips, feeling the warmth of it through the ceramic. The reaction was immediate – as soon as you tasted it, your nose crinkled.
It’s sweet, the gesture itself surely was sweet. It’s too damn sweet.
Bucky had put sugar into the coffee pot.
“I cannot believe you.”
Your guilty, deer-in-headlights eyes looked up at him, who’s staring at you with a bewildered frown.
“It’s fine—”
“No!”
“I barely— I’ll still drink it!” You took another sip, licking your lips in sequence.
So. Much. Sugar.
“You can’t even pretend you don’t hate it.” He said, shaking his head. “And you call yourself a spy? With that face?”
“I was one,” You clicked your tongue. “All this time and you didn’t learn how to make coffee properly.”
“This is— it’s practical.” He rolled his eyes, sipping his sugary coffee. You followed. “Stop it.”
“I’m drinking it! You made it for me.” It wasn’t how your old-habits-self preferred it, but you have had it worse. Although somehow, that was making Bucky more annoyed instead of appeasing him.
He glared at you indignantly when you tell him you’re doing it to show your appreciation, then setting the mug down when he huffed. “What now?”
“Nothing.” Bucky stared at your ceiling and you at his profile. You tilted your head when he sighed. “…stupid thing to be arguing about.”
“We argue about stupid things all the time.” You took the coffee in your hands, but didn’t drink. “Argue-d?”
“Still do. Like when I tied your arm sling too tight.”
You grumbled that it was indeed too god-damned tight, and Bucky chuckled.
In truth, you had missed this. Even the bickering, yes, how the two of you were too stubborn to give in their very specific ways of doing everyday things. It made you feel alive, like you too had been frozen on ice with your two best friends.
One sip from you and Bucky was licking his teeth. He was faking the outrage, you could tell as you grinned at him.
“If Steve was here—” You started, making him turn to you with a resigned smile.
“He’d just fix everything. Mediate, the Stevie thing he used to do. He hated us arguing.”
Disturbed his peace.
“I suppose now someone’s gotta...?”
The phone chimed before you could finish your sentence. It was Sam.
You coming, Top Gun?
You chewed at your nail as you read the words, transmitting them on to Bucky next to you. He nodded, cursing under his breath that he’d agreed to this cookout in the first place.
Bring Robocop with you.
You assured Sam – and Bucky too – he’d be there.
“I’ll complain the whole time.”
“That’s okay. He knows how you are already,” You joked, leaving the kitchen with your coffee in hand. He wouldn’t complain, at least not the entire time. You could see him having a fairly good time with Sam’s family and friends, even if he’d insist he wasn’t a people person anymore.
Before you disappeared into your room to pack, you turned to look at Bucky again. He was watching you from the kitchen counter, a small smile dancing on the corner of his lips.
Then it hit the realization that he’d stayed over. Actually stayed, and still made no signs of wanting to leave. You wondered if he had noticed that and didn’t care or if it was an inertia driven thing. One thing you knew: Bucky looked right where he belonged between your yellow kitchen tiles and mid-century cabinets. With his overly sweet coffee and darkened eyebags and sagging, tired, relaxed shoulders.
“What are you wearing?”
“A sundress. And a hat.” You smoothed the fabric, checking yourself one last time before you two left the hangar.
“I know it’s a dress, but—”
“Then why are you asking?” This made Bucky huff, his metal fingers tightening over the cake packaging.
Who brings birthday cake to a cookout? He grumbled about how it’s so much skin. You ignored it, because he didn’t have the right to complain about your attire, considering his own. “Listen, you might like getting a heatstroke with all that leather, but it’s warm today so I’m going to wear my dress.”
“Yeah, yeah, diss the jacket. But don’t come runnin’ after me when you get cold later.”
“Deal.”
“Deal.”
It was a short walk to the docks and the small crowd that were Sam’s friends and family. The welcome that was given by the new Captain America’s closest warmed your heart – soon enough, you and him were mingling, eating, giggling on a corner with Sarah about how all the kids and some adults were completely smitten with Bucky. She teased about how you were, too.
Even the cake was somewhat of a success. Bucky made sure to throw that on your face.
The day breezed by, and you only noticed the passing of time when fireflies started twinkling as the sun disappeared behind the river.
“This doesn’t look like your jacket.” Sam hummed, joining you at a picnic table, a smirk on his face. You threw a lemon slice at him.
Bucky’s jacket felt heavy over your body. The warmth you got from it probably showed on your cheeks, but you had no intention of facing the chill of the night with bare shoulders now that it was offered to you.
“Shut it.”
“Just sayin’, just sayin’.” He laughed. You shook your head, casually sipping your cranberry limeade. “And all you had to do was look mildly cold. He left me talking to myself to put that over you.”
You smiled. There was no denying how that made you feel; especially to Sam Wilson who was now giving you an eyebrow wiggle.
Your smile dropped a little.
“Sam…I can’t.” You sighed. “Not now. Things are finally good as they are, and—”
“Are they?”
Sam was looking at you, in that Sam way that looked right into your soul. You felt small, like you were maybe, ten, and not a-hundred-and-six years old.
“Yes. I just got him back. I already made the wrong call once, and I won’t do it again. Heartache be damned. I lived 70 years of it, hopeless and this… this is more than what I could ask for. Things are good.” You let out a breathless sigh. “Golly, say something before I start rattling on again.”
“Wow, that makes you sound so...” Sam started laughing when you kicked his shin, and amidst your own laughter you confirmed that yes, you were in fact old. “I was gonna say vintage!”
“And speaking of vintage,” He continued, and that’s when you finally realized the song that was playing.
Time after time
I tell myself that I'm so lucky to be loving you
People around you were saying oohs and aahs, couples new and old gathering to dance below the string lights while you glared at Sam. “You planned this?”
“Hey, don’t look at me. Look behind you.”
A hand was extended in your direction when you turned.
So lucky to be
Bucky was grinning down at you while you stared at him, dumbfounded. “C’mon, sugar. Don’t leave me hangin’, yeah?”
You took his hand quickly, shrugged his jacket off your shoulders and then you two stepped into to the spontaneous dance floor that had formed.
The one you run to see
“I haven’t done this in a long time.” He said and you looked at him, so beautiful under the dim lights. “Sorry if I step on your feet.”
All you could do was gaze at him, still a bit in awe as he swayed you to Margaret Whiting’s voice. He raised an eyebrow at you. “What?”
“Nothin’. You’re going back to your old ways, then?” You grinned, averting his eyes. “Know who you’re dancing with next?”
He tightened his grip on your waist and you pretended it didn’t make your chest tight.
“No one. I just figured we should… for old times,”
“Right.” You bit your lip. He was staring, and that feeling of being a teenager in love hit again.
“And it’s a good change from all that R&B.”
You laughed.
You've kept my love so young, so new
He made the pair of you spin around, and your eyes met Sarah’s from across the room. She was standing next to the speaker, giving you a thumbs up.
The little shit.
You turn your head, your cheeks reddening as you attempt to hide away in Bucky’s shoulder.
The Wilsons and their meddling. A family of wingmen.
Your new position didn’t help things, because the smell of Bucky’s cologne and the way he pulled you flush against him had your heart beating wildly inside your ribcage.
His was too. You could feel it, almost hear it this close.
You told yourself it was from the audience you only now were noticing. The other pairs were gone, leaving just the two of you dancing. You looked up at him, finally.
“Buck.”
He hummed, meeting your gaze. His eyes had a sparkle to them. Something different in the blue. Something secret.
And time after time
You'll hear me say that I'm
Your lips parted, words at the tip of your tongue.
So lucky to be loving you
“You guys want another song?” Sam’s voice cut through the crowd, and pulled you from whatever daze you had been caught in.
Bucky grumbled and you stepped back, the wind chilly on your back now that you were out of his embrace.
You felt cemented to the floor, caught and exposed. The arms you had been safely tucked in gone from around you. Only turned when Bucky stomped past you, nearly knocking shoulders with Sam in the process.
Some wingman he was.
People returned to the dance floor as soon as a dancey 80’s ballad blasted through the speaker. Your dance partner from a minute ago nowhere to be seen. “I’m here to rescue you,” Sarah took your hand, leading you away from the eye of the hurricane.
They managed to squeeze three songs in before the rain started. Bucky’s sudden sour mood seemed to have summoned the clouds, now pouring themselves noisily over the tent you had sheltered under.
“I guess I ruined the mood, huh?”
“Goodness grief, Sam.” You chided, wrapping your arms around yourself. The chill now biting harder with the rain. “There was no mood. Everyone was watching. He’s—”
Embarrassed. “Self-conscious. You know.”
Sam nodded, and you went back to scanning your surroundings for any signs of Bucky.
“There was a little mood though.”
“Shut up.”
“Sorry, sorry!”
You were ready to berate him some more when you were enveloped in something warm, your eyes seeing leather and metal before you could turn and see Bucky, right at your back.
Soaked. To the bone, water dripping from him as he helped tighten the jacket around your shoulders. “James—!”
“’M sorry about earlier. I—” He then looked behind you, seemingly noticing the other people also huddled under the tent.
Sam was looking everywhere but at the two of you. He murmured something like Not here. Not even here.
“You wanna go?” You offered quietly, and Bucky’s eyes softened in gratitude.
“You guys can’t fly in this weather!” Sam poked his head at your side, and as if to hammer his point down thunder rumbled above all of you.
Suddenly even you felt too crammed and claustrophobic in the middle of everyone else. You were sure Bucky did too, his fingers tightening on your shoulders as the rain picked up.
“It’s fine. I’m used to—”
“He’s right. We can go back tomorrow.” Bucky rolled his eyes when Sam looked at him in shock, and you chuckled.
“Wait wait wait. Can you repeat that? On record—”
“No.”
“Sam…”
“Fine.” He tutted, and you sighed. ”You guys want to stay at the house?”
“No.” Bucky repeated, and you surprised yourself with the relief that hit you. “We’ll get a hotel or somethin’.”
“Carlos can drive y’all to the Monte Carlo? He’s going too.”
You couldn’t be more thankful for Sarah right now.
You used Bucky’s jacket to cover your head as the two of you ran from Carlos’ truck to the Monte Carlo Motel. A quick wave at him and you were inside, making your clumsy ways to the reception.
The girl behind the desk looked warily at Bucky and his soaked self, although it could also be because of the exposed metal arm.
“Hi, uh—one double room?”
You and Bucky blurted out a panicked no at the same time, locking eyes as the receptionist scrambled for another key. Then you also handed her a credit card at the same time.
“I got it.”
“Buck, it’s fine, I can—”
He scowled. “No. Said I got it.” He placed his metal hand on top of yours with your card and slid his own across the desk. You stared at him, schooling your facial expression to not show the surprise on your face. Nothing you could do about the color on your cheeks, though.
He sensed your eyes on him and looked at you, making you bite your lip. It’s like you’d forgotten how dominating he could be, and how it made you feel some type of way.
You blinked it away. “You gonna ask for a vet discount? Senior?”
Bucky clicked his tongue, shaking his head. “Are you?”
“No one would believe me.”
“But would believe me?”
“You have that old man grouchiness to ya.” You said, shrugging. He shot you one of his glares.
“Iraq?” The receptionist pulled you two away from the bickering, giving Bucky’s card back and two room keys.
“Normandy,” Answered simultaneously, earning a chuckle out of you. She shot you a disbelieving smile.
“Told you she wouldn’t believe me.” You quipped as you went up the stairs.
“Oh, come on.”
You laughed, elbowing him playfully once you reached him at the top of the stairs. “She would’ve if she knew your music taste.”
“My music taste?” You squinted.
“I wasn’t listening to Vera Lynn on a random Thursday night.”
“That’s ‘cus you can’t operate a Bluetooth speaker.”
He rolled his eyes, huffing in annoyance. It came easy to you, the provocations, a much palatable feeling than the awkwardness from before. Bucky then turned to assess which way your rooms were in, leaving you to follow him as he trudged through the corridor.
He stopped in front of the 304, handing you one of the keys. “Mine is at the other side of the building I’m guessing.” The numbers 323 shown on his own keychain proved that to you.
It was both comforting and disappointing that you wouldn’t be sharing a wall.
“Alright,” You said, opening the door.
“Y/N, I—Sorry about earlier. About leaving like that.” He let out a heavy breath when you turned to look at him, hand on the doorknob.
“It’s okay. I’ve never been the greatest dancer.” You shot him a crooked grin, and he shook his head, expression still solemn.
“It wasn’t you— I panicked. The starin’…” He cast his eyes down, at his feet, and you gave his bicep a squeeze.
“I know. Nerve wracking,” You said softly, still a bit restless from earlier. “I loved dancing with you though.”
Bucky raised his gaze, meeting your own. Lips parted. Eyes darting down to lips. Nodded once. “Me too, sugar.”
You smiled. The words almost falling from the tip of your tongue again.
“I—”
“I should— get to my room,”
“Yeah. Okay.”
“G’night, then.”
You hummed. “Night, Buck.”
You had to fight the urge to slide down the door once you closed it, after watching his frame disappear around the corner.
The confession had almost come out of you, almost ruining everything. It was enough how you felt, how your pulse raced. How your fingers burned, wanting to touch. Those words were the one thing you managed to keep together.
90 years and counting.
You hoped, prayed – at whichever entity that lived above the ceiling – for sleep to take you before you could lose control of everything.
It was supposed to be a secret mission, with slim possibility of return. You and two other WASP pilots were to fly over Belgium and drop supplies to the men resisting at the Ardennes, knowing there was no chance the Luftwaffe wouldn’t bomb you as you crossed over their skies. The hundreds of men running out of food and medical supplies, struggling to resist Germany’s attacks, left you no option.
The three of you knew this would to be the outcome. You were ready to die trying.
“Goddamnit, Webster!” You shouted to yourself, Maggie’s intercoms no longer functioning as her cockpit was blown to smithereens from a German plane’s bomb.
There was only you and them in the air now, Dana Miller lost on the fly in. You could only hope her aircraft was the only casualty.
Thunder boomed right beside you. Except it was an array of shots that had destroyed your right turbine, causing your plane to lean comically to one side. Comically, yes, because laughs bubbled desperately out of your chest at the sight.
A few more miles and you’d be out of German occupied territory.
You only had to keep it together a little longer.
When gaining altitude became a lost battle to simply trying to keep your plane in the air, the Germans were nowhere to be seen. The RAF zooming by seconds later made you breathe a sign of relief.
You knew from the start returning home was unlikely. It mattered very little. One of your dog tags had lost its pair to the Alps. Steve had told you through radio before the rumors could reach you.
Bucky wasn’t coming home. What on Earth would be left for you if you did?
You grasped the chain around your neck as your plane plummeted towards the Belgian grass fields. The world at its end.
One Mississippi. Two Mississippi. Three—
You woke with a start, gasping for air as if you’ve been held underwater for too long. The covers had been kicked off you during the night, but even without them you still felt hot and choked up.
It’s been a long time since those kinds of dreams disturbed your sleep, you managing to keep them at bay enough that it was rare when they came now. Never unfamiliar though.
With a long sigh, you tried to pull it together. Washed your face in the sink. Drank some water and eyed the mini liquor bottles in the fridge. None worked. The sense of urgency overpowered you.
The feeling that everything was collapsing; that your plane was crashing over Belgium, half of it on fire, your sisters in arms gone, your two best friends gone.
You left your room with Bucky’s jacket held tightly against your chest, barely feeling the chill of the humid night air as you made your way down to the reception or wherever you could find something to distract you.
You found him on the landing after the first flight of stairs, leaning against the railing.
“Hey,” You called out softly, and Bucky turns to you in surprise. It goes away as soon as it comes, the moment he understands.
“Can’t sleep?”
You shake your head. “Bad dream.” You explained, and he nodded. Extended a paper cup in your direction, not saying anything. You took it gratefully, pausing before the first sip. “Did you—?”
Bucky gave you a tired smirk. “Two sugars, sugar. Still shit though.”
The pet name made you bite your lip. “Can’t be worse than Army coffee,” You shrugged. He was right though. It was shit. Tasted terribly, even worse than Bucky’s brew in the morning.
He chuckled bitterly at the face you made; his tone still light despite it. “And you still complain about mine.”
“Both taught me to appreciate the good coffees in life.”
Bucky clicked his tongue, and you both laughed. You shift, alternating the balance from one foot to the other. Wonder if you should say it.
Best friends don’t keep those things from each other. Best friends talk about their nightmares.
“It was a memory.”
Bucky blinked. Turned to watch your profile. “A memory?”
You hummed. It’s strange, talking about it— it’s not something you’re used to sharing anymore, not even with Steve. Some intimacies were so reserved to Bucky that you forgot you could do them with someone else.
“From when my plane crashed in Belgium. When I became ‘MIA’. Well, at least that’s the story S.H.I.E.L.D. made up while I was recovering from the serum.” Bucky’s eyes were soft when you looked at him finally. “Haven’t had one of those in a long time.”
Best friends don’t look at each other like that.
“They’re worse than nightmares.” Bucky stepped closer. “To me, at least. It feels… real. Like we’re back there, reliving it again.”
You nodded. Shifted closer, so close you and him were shoulder to shoulder. “It felt like the world was ending.” Shaky breath escaped bitten lips. “Still does.”
“It’s not.” He shook his head as if he’d said the wrong thing. “If it was, we’d know. Two suns in the horizon. See?”
Bucky flexed his fingers, brushing with yours gently. Your eyes followed the horizon he was pointing at with his metal arm, where a single sun began to peek through in orange and purple.
“It did end though, didn’t it? When my plane crashed. When you fell off the train. It ended with the Blip and it ended with Steve,”
He shook his head. “We wouldn’t be here if it had. We’re still here.”
“Not as we were.”
“No. Not as we were.” He sighed, leaning against the railing. His fingers at a distance. Suddenly you felt the need for the jacket. “D’ja think we missed our window, Y/N?”
His question took you by surprise. You blinked, tightening his jacket around you. “I’ve always wanted you with me at the end.”
Bucky frowned, looking at you like you’d grown an extra head. “Not Steve, not anyone else. You. But you weren’t there.”
“What—I wanted you too, but—”
“But I wasn’t there. We missed each other’s ends of the world.”
He shook his head, his eyes scanning your face. Confusion and incredulity stamped so very clearly in his features. You shifted and continued.
“So maybe that’s why it didn’t end. That’s why we’re still here. Maybe… maybe this is our window.”
Realization dawned on him while you bit your tongue. Confession at the tip of it.
A smile softened the lines on his forehead and brightened his eyes. “What if they nuke us right now?”
“Then I’m glad I left my room tonight.”
Bucky offered his hand, splayed open next to you. Your fingers interlaced with his and warmth spread through your body.
“No regrets, sugar?”
“None.” Just the one. You hid your face on his shoulder, hoping he wouldn’t notice the heat on your cheeks or the way your heartbeat picked up.
But that had been a long time ago. Maybe that window was truly lost. But you had this. And if the fiery hues in the sky were from an Armageddon and not the sun, there’s nowhere else you wanted to be.
Bucky kissed the top of your head. Wordlessly telling me too.
You raised your eyes at him, almost saying it. Almost loving him out loud.
“Sugar, I—”
Breath caught, hope spiking. “Yeah?”
A long exhale. “…we should try and sleep. Brooklyn’s a long way from here.”
Disappointment squeezed your heart. Foolish. What else could you be expecting?
“Alright.” You reluctantly got up, handing his jacket back. Not even that could protect you from the icyness at the pit of your stomach.
“No, keep it.” He sighed, rubbing the back of his neck. Red creeping up his neck from under the henley. “You can give it back tomorrow…”
You nodded. Your shoes looked very interesting as you wrapped the jacket around your shoulders again. “Okay. Good night, Buck.”
“Night, sugar.”
You walked away with weighted feet, as if fighting some kind of gravity that pulled you back to that spot next to him on the stairs. Not turning to see if there was an atomic sun lighting up the slow sunrise. Dissolving the world, only for it to reform again and throw you two back where you had always been.
The war. The train. The Blip. Steve.
This night.
Frustration made you hands shake as they hovered over the doorknob. How long could you stand to orbit him, and never make it to the destination? Nothing is made to fly forever.
One regret.
You have always been bold and brazen, except for this. Facing every challenge, fighting every fight, except battling this one fear.
Not this night.
Pretending the light in the horizon signaled the end and your time was running out, you ran back to where you had left Bucky. Relived that afternoon in England when you’d be separated in the morning and you should’ve run back to him. Summoning every ounce of courage the serum had left in your body.
Your resolve was set when Bucky himself rounded the corner. Blue eyes wild and dark brows knitted together in unruly urgency.
“Bucky! I—”
You managed a couple extra steps in his direction when he closed the distance between you, grabbing your face with flesh and metal.
A huff of surprise as you braced for collision.
It came in the form of a kiss, lips crashing into each other, the taste of yearning and coffee on your tongue.
You’d already taken the damn fall.
