Aug 27, 2022
I’m literally so fucking done with my annoying ass brain. I’m really bouta figure out some way to get so green high that I’m just in a fucking coma til tomorrow because this is so fucking hard.
seen from Malaysia
seen from Malaysia
seen from China
seen from Argentina
seen from Malaysia
seen from Australia
seen from Argentina
seen from Spain
seen from United States
seen from Japan
seen from Hong Kong SAR China
seen from Canada
seen from Germany
seen from Germany
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from Malaysia
seen from United States
seen from T1
I’m literally so fucking done with my annoying ass brain. I’m really bouta figure out some way to get so green high that I’m just in a fucking coma til tomorrow because this is so fucking hard.
#SundayFunday ☀️🏙 I❤NY 🗽🇺🇸 #BrooklynBridge #OneWorldTradeCenter // #Sunday #August27th #Summer2017 // #Manhattan #NYC #NewYork #NY #NewYorkCity #USA #America #justgoshoot #picoftheday #photooftheday #iglobal_photographers #photogram #NewYorkLoveNY #ABC7NY #NBC4NY #ig_nycity #InstagramNYC #What_i_saw_in_NYC #NYCPrimeShot #NYCdotGram #NikonLoveNY #TLPicks (at Brooklyn Bridge)
Stop wanting to hurt yourself. Just stop.
LEAVE ME ALONE BRAIN
I WILL NOT LET MY DUMB FUCKING MENTAL HEALTH BEAT ME. JUST SHUT THE FUCK UP BRAIN AND STOP TELLING ME THESE MEAN THINGS. STOP TELLING ME HE DOESNT LOVE ME. STOP TELLING ME HE DOESNT THINK IM PRETTY. STOP TELLING ME IM NOT GOOD ENOUGH. I HAVE NO WAY TO KILL YOU WITHOUT KILLING MYSELF BUT GOD FUCKING DAMN IT I HAVE TI TRY BECAUSE NOW IT IS THREATENING TO TAKE AWAY THE GREATEST LOVE IVE EVER FUCKING KNOWN AND IF I LET THAT HAPPEN THEN THATS LETTING THE VOICE BE RIGHT. I WONT. I WONT LET IT WIN.
GOD FUCKING DAMN IT JUST TELL ME IM CUTE ALREADY. I TOLD YOU YOURE CUTE IN YOUR SELFIE. WHY CANT YOU DO THE SAME FOR ME?! I EVEN HAD MY ONE DIMPLE SHOWING :(
I want you to obsess over how cute you think I am. I want you to TELL ME that you think I’m the cutest fucking thing you e ever seen. I want you to try to hang out with me. I want you to plan cute dates for us. I want you to surprise me with tiny gifts. I want you to get me flowers. I want you to tell me how excited you are to see me when I’m off work. I want you to cry because you love me so much. I want you to say things like “god I’m so fucking in love with you” and “you’re so fucking beautiful.” I want to catch you looking at me, smiling. I ask “what?” And you be like “nothing” and continue to look at me smiling. I want you to tell me you miss me, even tho it’s only been an hour. I want you to ask me to send selfies because you just want to see my face.
But if I ask for all of this? It wouldn’t be genuine. Or at least I would always wonder if it was. You would probably say “I’ll try” or say you don’t think about it or you forget or honestly I don’t fucking know what you would say. I really don’t know. I’m trying to believe that you think these things and just don’t say them but what are the chances it’s true? I know this is why I’m starting counseling. It’s only been 3 days but it feels like I have a knife in me that has only just barely been removed but it still gets twisted around every other hour or so to remind me it’s there.
So I’m just gonna keep reminding myself it’s worth it. We are worth it. That rainbow after the storm that we will get to see? It’s worth it. And I already got a teeny tiny preview so I know it’s true.
Please miss me