I’m not even the type of person to date. I have one boyfriend for 6 months, my entire 24 years of living. When people ask if i’m single, I proudly announce, “Always”. My views on marriage have not changed, or even altered since my parents 2011 divorce. Before the split of my two, what appeared on the surface to be inseparable parents, I never wanted to get married. The thought of two people- just TWO people together for the rest of life was not something I could wrap my head around. Every time I get relatively close to feeling anything with anyone, I immediately distance myself. This is because I have constant fear of rejection, and the fact that I can never fully bring myself to trust someone as much as i would need to in a relationship.
I do not want a boyfriend because I want the freedom to do and who I please.
I do not want a boyfriend because I’ll find someone I like better.
My love life is cursed. By the Gods, or by whatever the fuck you think. Maybe I deserve this, for “ghosting” so many innocent souls over the years. But I mean, when I finally met my potential soulmate and he has a girlfriend, I can’t even act like I didn’t deserve the inevitable heartbreak. Maybe if I didn’t have to see him everyday and avoid asking if he felt the same way, I would not be l o v e s i c k.
