hey! i saw your reblog about intimacy and autism and i wonder if you had any advice or resources about navigating sex and kink with an autistic partner. my girlfriend recently received a diagnosis and so i’m trying to learn more about it. we haven’t been intimate yet but i want to know if there’s anything i can do to make the experience better, safer, and easier for her. thanks so much! 💗
So I don’t have any resources from my head that I can think off, but I can give you my point of view and I thought it might be interesting to also read the point of view from my partner, as someone who is together with a person who has autism, so if you like you could wait after I posted this to see what my gf will add in a reblog.
So I think it’s so cute that you’re trying to learn how to deal.
Also I hope your gf is doing okay with the recent diagnose, I remember being very happy and relieved about it, but I know not everyone feels that way.
the first important thing I can think of is talk about triggers, both good and bad. And overtriggering.
Each person with autism is different and each will because of that have different triggers. Some smell, light, sounds, touch...
If she has trouble with maybe giving verbal signs, talk about non verbal ones like a tapping signal.
For example I like it (mainly)dark, because my vision will not distract me too much, I like music as I don’t always like hearing certain sounds (I got extremely good hearing) and music also makes me peaceful and tune out my own thoughts more. I like being overstimulated, but that is something you either really have to discuss or if she doesn’t know yet you can find out together what the limits are. Because again each one is different and my triggers or things that help me enjoy might be completely opposite of your girlfriend
communication is SO important as people with autism often need alot of clarity. And most of us are also extremely honest so if we trust you and say we’re fine with something, we are, if we say we aren’t, we aren’t and if we say “I don’t know” we legit don’t know (yet) and you could ask then if they are open to trying and finding out or not.
Aftercare is another super important thing, but something you could again find a patern together in, or ask her if she knows things that make her feel safe or if she knows what you might like.
If she finds it hard to be vocal about certain things, I personally found it helped me alot to ask me yes or no questions about certain topics, hard no’s, ...
So alot of it will be personal, we’re all very different but a thing most of us will relate to is overtriggering, overwhelming and communication, but again if anyone else has good resources or has more tips, please feel free to add on with reblogging, send it to me in ask or put it in the comments.
I’ll let my gf reblog this with an answer of her own, Maybe it’ll help you as it will be from a person in your position basically.