22. Hello, Are You Still There?!...
I’m so sorry I abandoned you!!!
A LOT has happened in a little over a year. Last time I updated this blog, it was August 2017...It's now January 2019!
Let me think back to what was going on the last time I updated you...
When I started this blog, I had just tried my hand at the bootcamp once more. I was so focused that I had even moved from my cozy one bedroom in Oakland to make my commute to San Francisco shorter. This bit me in the ass because I was so focused on making it easier for me to do the camp that I desparately agreed to the first apartment that was nearby and liveable...There was a cat there with two other roommates, one of which lived in the living room. I am allergic to cats but thought I would just not touch it and be fine. Well, it wasn't. I was so allergic that I would wake up in the middle of the night because I would feel my throat closing up! I requested to cancel my lease with the building management but ended up snitching by accident on my roommate! She claimed she didn't know the building was not supposed to have animals. I certainly didn't know that before reaching out to management to move so I looked like the snitch. I didn't care and became an enemy to the girl that had to move. Oh well... *shoulder shrug*
Problems did not end when the roommate and cat left. Her replacement was worst and because of all the cat dander in the air, carpet and surfaces, I was STILL having allergic reactions that made it hard to live in the space. Things got so bad that I had to call 911 and go to the emergency room.
To make matters worse, one night, I thought I would switch it up and wear makeup. Well, since I am not a frequent wearer of the crap, I used some old makeup that was expired. Eff-ed my eye all up. The drops the doc gave me made my vision blurry. This was the worst few months of my entire life. I never knew when my health issues would end and felt like I was being punished for pursuing a goal...I'm a very spiritual person and felt all of this was happening because I was being desperate and unrealistic. Playing with my money. Not making smart moves. It's okay to be passionate, but it must be in reason...I had to move...
So I moved, only this time, the roommates were just as bad and the rent was CRAZY expensive. I was so worn out though that I threw judgement and care to the wind.
I had promised myself and you all that I would not quit...well, I had to quit. I couldn't get a proper balance between the camp, work and home.
I was GUNNING for a spot on my team's Data Analytics team and started to see how everything was taking away from my focus in my job. It got so bad that I started getting called out by manager and teammates, many times embarrassingly in meetings with other teammates and teams.
I smartened up though. After I quit the program and after a year and a half of doing data analytics, I was finally promoted. February 2018 was when I saw the pay bump, but my day to day tasks had not changed much, further proving to me, that I was ready and that I was being slept on...
Then another curve ball came...my roommate situation was so bad (those girls were crazy and were NOT happy that I knew that and was not taking their crap) that yes, ladies and gentlemen, I had to move AGAIN!
I had build a reputation amongst my friends, family and colleague as a transient. After graduation I moved to Jersey City for my first job out of college, then I moved to living room in Hoboken for a cheaper option since I became a traveling consultant, then I moved to an apartment in Chelsea, NY, after the living room situation was tooo savage, even for me :) then I moved to Daly City in pursuit of a tech role in the Bay Area, then I moved to Oakland when the old lady in Daly City started treating me like her son and going through my things without asking, then I moved to another place in Oakland when the old woman I lived with in Oakland became uncomfortable with me screwing with her schedule when I would ask her to clean up behind herself more and smoke in her room. Confused yet? No?! Well let me continue :). Then I moved to Downtown Oakland when my roommate in the second Oakland place started disrespecting house rules we discussed, then I moved to one bedroom once the landlord in the Downtown Oakland spot refused to change the old water heater that would BANG loudly at 3 AM every morning and wake me out of my sleep, then I moved to San Francisco in pursuit of a shorter commute, then I moved back to Oakland this time, and for the first time EVER since I have been out of the house at 17, it was a place by myself, because my previous apartment was home to a roommate I shared a wall with that decided to have a 4-some without notice while my best friend was visiting and our other 5 roommates were in the house, then I moved from that Oakland place because the refried bean smell every morning from the Mexican restaurant below me would be so strong that it would wake me out of my sleep...and because I craved a shorter commute and didn’t think I deserved living on my own, then I moved once the shorter commute apartment almost killed me, then I moved AGAIN when the roommates in that place almost drove me to killing one of them :)
It felt so unfair that I was being labeled a transient though because these moves were mostly made mostly out of necessity, not through me being a bad roommate or being flighty.
In a convo with my dad about my promotion and raise, he encouraged me to start thinking of homeownership. I had then planned that the next place I would move to would be a place of my own, but after not being able to reach a compromise with my roommates, I had to start an apartment search again.
This time, I wanted to go REALLY cheap. I had burned up all of my money on moving and medical bills that I had to bunker down if I wanted to own a home...and do a bootcamp if I finally got around to getting my sh*t together...
Quitting the bootcamp prep for a second time and moving what was now my third time in a year did something to my psyche and I had to refocus. I realized that I needed to get a lower-paced job if I really wanted to pursue this engineering thing. Learning on the job was making me slow and screwing up my reputation, something I consider priceless.
So...that's what I did...I snuck around, and through the help of some colleagues, quit my job.
Once I announced it, my manager then started offering things I could get involved in, such as project management. Part of why I was where I was on his team was him pushing me to do things that HE saw fit for me, my work style and personality, not what I perceived those to be. He is my manager, and yes, he has the upper hand, so I finally had to decide that I had to step away. I was tired of taking the backseat for someone else's goals and plans.
I switched over to Operations, which is what a naysaying, but still valued, mentor told me to do. He too, like my manager, did not believe I would be a good engineer and thus encouraged me to do something "business-y". While I appreciate their advice and understand that they only want the best for me, I had to make a decision for myself.
I left the team on good terms. I was celebrated and everyone was shocked. It did not bother me much because I was locked into my plan. This is the plan that was born when I first started playing Barbie CD-ROM games as an 8 year-old and modified when I switched my major from Computer Science to Economics.
In between my role in Data Analytics and my role in Operations, I visited Japan for a little while. I may or may not drop the link to that blog here in this one ;)
It was a freeing experience to meet my maternal grandmother's side of the family and touch down on a place that I had only dreamed about. I was welcomed with open arms by my family and I accomplished many goals during that trip, one of them being flying for that long in the air and reuniting my Japanese and American families. I felt unstoppable and knew this was the drive I needed to complete this goal of becoming a software engineer.
I returned to my job but in a new role. The role was heavily Finance but it was Finance for autonomous vehicles. This was something I had aspired to get involved in ever since I heard my company was opening a facility. I felt pretty special and privileged to be able to build the budget for 2019, be in a role working with the directors of the org, get new experience in an industry I did not know any other Black women in...but I felt slightly guilty because I knew I would be leaving soon...I had tried to hop on technical projects to keep those skills strong and it felt great. It is something that I am good at and I received many compliments by the engineers I had worked with on these projects. One day, one said, "We've gotta get you to learn Python!," to which I responded, "Trust me! It's been a goal of mine for a while now..."
The commute for this role was 2 hours...ONE WAY...however, this was what was attractive to me about the role. It was in Silicon Valley and that long in one place means I HAD to be productive. Also, because of this, my manager was pretty lenient with me and my schedule. I started work around 9 AM and was off of work at 5 PM...everyday. Some days shorter. This was the consistency I needed to take another stab at the bootcamp...Third time's a charm, right?...
