for @wewritevictuuri‘s autoteles week bc I’m a really bad contributor and am feeling The Guilt™️
“have you ever thought about it?” victor asks, head nestled in yuuri’s lap.
“about what?” yuuri asks back.
his fingers gently comb through victor’s hair, slip through it and linger at the ends, where they curl the locks lightly as if they never want to let go.
“no, no,” victor says, then hums. “but yes, this too. what I mean is... have you ever thought about your perfect partner? what would they look like? what would they like? what would they hate? that sort of thing.”
yuuri breathes a gentle “oh,” and turns his gaze at a nearby wall. victor can see his chin, the sharp profile when yuuri cocks his head to the side in thought, and his heart aches sweetly in his chest, because he himself hasn’t.
he never thought he’d have something like this.
“I don’t really spend much time daydreaming,” yuuri finally speaks. “you know that’s not who I am.”
“now I do,” victor mumbles with a tiny smile.
he rolls over to the side and nuzzles his cheek on yuuri’s thigh. it brings yuuri’s eyes back to him, open and free, and warm -- so warm that victor’s smile melts into a heart without any effort.
“but surely you must have had some ideal relationship in mind,” he says. “tell me about your perfect man, yuuri. I want to see how I measure up to your dreams.”
yuuri laughs at that. it’s a small laugh, but it’s one of those that victor adores most, because it’s a combination of a snort and a guffaw that only ever leaves yuuri’s lips when he feels at ease.
“you don’t have to measure up, victor,” yuuri tells him then. “you’re better than any dream I could’ve had.”
yuuri’s words settle around victor much like a hug would and he allows himself to bask in them for just a moment longer, before he says: “I would still like to hear it, if you want to share.”
he doesn’t push more than that, but he doesn’t need to. yuuri opens up to him, meets him where he is, and victor feels content to lie there, sprawled across yuuri’s lap, and listen to yuuri’s dreams.
“you might think it’s silly, but... to me there never was a perfect man,” yuuri says and then catches himself in a lie. he gives victor a sheepish smile. “or rather, there never was a perfect man that I believed I could have. because my perfect man was you, victor, and, well, I knew that I could never have you, because I’m me and you’re you, and we were just... worlds apart.”
the “and look at us now,” sits on victor’s tongue, but before he can say the words, yuuri continues speaking, so victor swallows the sentiment that he knows yuuri can feel as he looks down into his eyes with a sweet smile.
“my perfect man was, and is, someone who loves dogs,” yuuri says. “someone who is kind and patient, but also someone who will not allow me to be too selfish. someone who will stand by my side when I need them, and someone who will give me space when I need that, too. someone who will understand how much skating takes out of me, and someone who will never feel second to my career. someone who will love my mother’s cooking. someone who will bicker with my sister. someone who will watch soccer with my dad.”
with every check on yuuri’s list victor’s heart beats harder. it’s a silly thing, like yuuri said, but victor can’t help it. whether yuuri is doing this on purpose or not, he is listing all the things that victor has done, all the things he is doing, and it’s clear that he thinks... he believes...
“am I doing a good job with that?” victor asks, somewhat shy, but his hesitance disappears when yuuri smiles down on him, perfect and sweet.
“no one could do better,” he says.
the feeling of not exactly relief, but content so solid it feels like a rock has dropped from victor’s body; it warms victor’s body from his fingertips to the toes. he takes the idle hand that yuuri still keeps in his hair and rests a kiss against it.
“you are my perfect man, too, you know,” victor speaks into the warm skin of yuuri’s palm as he presses his lips there, too. “I always dreamed of someone seeing me for who I am, seeing past the mask, past the glory. and,” the corners of victor’s mouth twitch as he tries to keep back a smile and fails, “I always dreamed of someone sweeping me off my feet like you did back in sochi.”
the weird gurgling groan that yuuri makes breaks victor’s composure completely and he laughs into yuuri’s thigh.
“when will we finally move on from that?” yuuri whines.
“never,” victor says with a lingering smile. “it’s one of the best nights of my life, because I met the man of my dreams. you’ve got to let me have this.”
yuuri’s face softens at that. he brushes his other hand through victor’s hair and returns the smile.
“fine,” he agrees. “but... apart from that, am I doing a good job too?”
am I what you imagined, victor hears, and his heart clenches at the thought that even after all this time, yuuri’s mind still whispers enough insidious thoughts to him to make him doubt it.
“you are everything I ever wanted, my yuuri,” victor says, even if he never wanted for anything. even if he has all but given up on finding anyone. even if he didn’t know what he was searching for in the first place.
but here, with yuuri, he knows he’s found it.
“then I’m glad,” yuuri says, and victor offers him a smile, which is returned to him as sweet and as loving as his own must be, because victor’s heart is full, and glad does not even begin to cover it.