One of the experiences in life that never cease to baffle me and put me in the most awkward spot in the world is one which a select few are privy to: the crying mic.
Now reader, you ask (as in the only person who reads this) “Pray tell my dear blogger, what is this ‘crying mic’?” a good question, the crying mic is the name I have given to a specific phenomena that only happens at conventions, where people step forth to the Q&A mic and decide this is the best moment to have a personal breakdown.... every person that has attended a convention panel will tell you it is for some reason preposterously common.
I am not joking, I work a big room at a con in San Diego (you know the one) and every year at least one person goes up to the mic and talks about his daddy issues in front of close to 7000 people... and suddenly there is not a single comfortable seat in the room.
At first I thought it was an odd isolated event, boy was I mistaken... from small panels to big panels, from the stars of summer blockbusters to the guy that draws that webcomic, if they do panels at conventions very soon they shall experience the crying mic... and never have I seen anyone who isn't confused, I mean put yourself on the seat of the panelist, you came here to sell a movie/comic/show/something and this dude is spending 5 minutes loudly sobbing and telling you he broke up with his girlfriend... what the hell do you do? that is even a bit of an awkward position if the person in question is a close friend talking about this in the privacy of your living room, now replace ‘close friend’ with ‘random dude dressed as the X-Men’s Banshee’ and ‘privacy of your living room’ with ‘capped out room with a 4 digit seating capacity’. The people that take these questions in my room at least have something for them: they are actors, and they prove they deserve every penny by juggling these situations with some grace, seriously, it takes some talent in handling impossible situations to pull this off.
But now let’s change perspectives to me: the schlub that works the room. See it’s my job to ask dude cosplaying as a C-list mutant what he’s about to do when he takes the mic and is projected in image and voice to thousands of people... And well usually they just have a sane and normal if sometimes very uninteresting question, now... what in Xavier’s useless dick am I supposed to do when instead of asking the question he steps up to the mic and goes: “*pant* *sob* *wheeeze* my girlfriend just left meeee!!! *sob* *sob* *wheeeeeze*” now general protocol when someone asks something insane or for some request or sexual favor or thinks they are a comedian we cut them off and send them to the furnace... but... what the hell do you do with these guys? you can’t cut off the mic of the guy weeping loudly about his life’s issues without looking like the world’s most insensitive asshole, but take into consideration that 30 seconds of loud hallwide weeping is 15 hours in “it’s your job this runs smoothly” time. Let me put it this way: when the crying mic goes live it’s like the entire room just herd someone horrifyingly shit their pants, they go quiet and uncomfortable... and you are the guy that just happens to be holding a pooper scooper, this isn't what you came here prepared to do, but it seems you should do something about it.
In the end I just have no explanation to what combination of misfires in a persons brain leads to telling a crowded room what makes you sad. I guess if TMZ has taught us anything is that if you are going to have a crying breakdown better to have a few thousands people see it. But yeah, just ask yourself what you would do when faced with this in a gargantuan room:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nz4wxyFIAhE&feature=youtu.be&t=2849
