#axbadvice

[asexualxbisexual]

Hey, um... Can someone be asexual and lesbian at the same time? Because I... Might be one, but I don't know if that's possible, and that confuses me...

If those are the words that make the most sense to you, then that’s what you should call yourself. I find that female-identified folks who are asexual and homoromantic call themselves ace lesbians from time to time, and I think that’s neat.

I hope this helps!

~Arin

[asexualxbisexual]

So I have a question. I have just discovered that I am bi sexual. I try opening up to my friends about it, but they find it weird. Is there anyway I can try to explain to them about my sexuality?(sorry if this is an unnecessary question)

If you felt that the question was necessary to ask, then it is indeed necessary. Monosexual people--that is, people who are attracted to one sex or gender--sometimes find people who are attracted to multiple genders confusing. It doesn’t always make sense to them that there are folks who have a broader range of attraction. You might try using humor in the form of analogies in order to explain your orientation in a way that’s memorable and makes sense. One of my favorites is the sofa bed analogy. Another one I see quite often is the cake and pie analogy. Some folks like cake, others like pie, and yet others like cake AND pie.

Followers, do you have other ideas about explaining bisexuality in interesting and memorable ways?

[asexualxbisexual]

So I have two partners, but while I like sex on occasion, I'm more than happy to go months w/out it, so I have. I'm not even enjoying kissing much right now. My partners understand, but I've also had both of them express feeling undesired/unattractive recently... I try to say the right things but actions speak louder to them, but I'm stumped/emotionally worn out from life honestly so, any advice for how I can express attraction & desire to them without getting sexual?

I have a partner with sensory issues, and there are times when he is extremely uncomfortable being touched in an intimate way. So, we devised a signal between the two of us to convey love/attraction/etc without making him uncomfortable. I talk about that at length in this post.

I hope this helps!

~Arin

[asexualxbisexual]

I wanted to apologize for the considerable delay in my answering asks. Having a full-time job is rewarding and all, but it’s made working on this Tumblr more difficult. I get emotionally drained (I work at a psychiatric hospital), and I often don’t have anymore of myself to give by the end of the day. So, thank you all for your patience. I am working on answering everything in my inbox. I also plan to set up a FAQ, so that there is a more organized way to get needed answers when I am unable to sit down and answer every ask in a timely fashion.

~Arin

[asexualxbisexual]

hey this might be a really silly question but what does "asexy" mean? does it just mean being ace and super cute at the same time? thanks!!

Asexy seems to be the acespec community’s answer to the term ‘sexy.’ I really like this definition:

Asexy is everything sexy leaves out, meaning almost everything. It’s a celebration of everything we are, with no regard given to what we’re not. Asexy is compulsive puddle-dancing in the rain, mad cookie baking skills, the ability to ice skate backwards, vast knowledge of Swahili folk tales, a drop dead gorgeous pair of socks, dominating the spelling bee and hot dog eating contest in the same afternoon, and the most structurally ingenious chair forts you’ll ever see. (source)

There is also an Asexy song!

I hope this helps!

~Arin

P. S. I would love to see my followers comment with their own definitions of ‘asexy!’

[asexualxbisexual]

What exactly is a queerplatonic relationship?

Queerplatonic/quasiplatonic relationships fall in between the realms of sexual/romantic relationships and friendships. They are an expression of deep emotional connection, and that connection is considered to be on par with folks in romantic partnerships. Here are some links for more information!

Queerplatonic definition

Defining the relationship

Relationship request form

My ‘queerplatonic’ tag

I hope this helps!

~Arin

[asexualxbisexual]

hiya! i guess this isn't a straight (lol) forward advice question, but i was wondering if you knew any other tumblrs/initiatives/campaigns that are about bisexual X asexual alliances? because i want to run something at my university as a bi asexual person who knows many bi and ace and bi ace ppl who experience similar disenfranchisement everywhere!! but I'm not sure the form in which it should take! idk if u can help but i thought it was worth asking :) <3

I have been digging and digging, and I haven’t found any other Tumblrs, Facebook groups, or physical groups that are an ace-bi alliance. And while that makes me feel a little nifty for being unique, it also makes me sad. Given that it’s a seemingly blank canvas, the form your group takes could be many things. I helped form a nonmono support group with my local LGBT+ community center, and the group initially formed on Facebook as a purely online meeting space. When we had demand for physical meetings, we approached the community center and schedule a regular time to meet weekly. Perhaps something similar might work for you. You also need to be careful, though, to make sure that you have permission to affiliate the group with your school. You might work with the LGBT+ group on campus (if you have one, and I hope you do) to see what needs to be done to make a new student group, if that’s what your goal is.

The first meeting for our support group was the Bar-Bi-Que, a combination BBQ and Q&A panel, so that people from the community could ask questions about nonmono orientations and learn about us from the people that know us best--ourselves. With October being LGBT+ History Month, perhaps you could put something together with your big group to teach folks about our orientations and their place in queer history. These are just some starting suggestions. Please let me know if you make this happen, so that I can promote it on my blog! I’m excited to see where you take this idea!

I hope this helps!

-Arin

[asexualxbisexual]

I'm so scared to come out to my parents. I think they'll be accepting of me, but idk how they feel about asexuality. I'm not sure if I should just do everything at once and come out as asexual /and/ biromantic or if I should come out one at a time so it's not too much for them. Advice?

I think it depends on how much they know about the nature of attraction and how people talk about it. Given that you aren’t sure about how they feel about asexuality, your parents might not understand additional labels that talk about other kinds of attraction. In that case, you will probably want to come out all at once, and talk to them about how your attraction works and what it means to you. It might be overwhelming, but if you split up your coming out process, they may misunderstand and think that you are coming out as an entirely different thing, rather than you having multiple words that you use to talk about yourself. I like to share this post with folks who are coming out to family who don’t know much about the spectrum of identities.

If your parents are pretty savvy about the types of attraction and things like that, you can probably break it up a little bit. Ultimately, though, it depends on your comfort level and how much mental energy you have to put into coming out.

I hope this helps!

~Arin