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@asexualxbisexual
Goodbye, friends
I loved helping you all, and I loved all the the positive things that happened with this blog. Iâm sad to say that I no longer have the energy to run it, and I havenât for a long time. Being a grown up is exhausting, I tell you.
I wish you all the best, and I hope that I could help you all.
~Arin
the a in lgbtqa stands for allstar by smash mouth
whereâd you hear that
someBODY ONCE TOLD ME
Hey, um... Can someone be asexual and lesbian at the same time? Because I... Might be one, but I don't know if that's possible, and that confuses me...
If those are the words that make the most sense to you, then thatâs what you should call yourself. I find that female-identified folks who are asexual and homoromantic call themselves ace lesbians from time to time, and I think thatâs neat.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
demisexual moodboard for anon
making pride flag moodboards to help out @aggressivelyaromantic
So I was kinda hoping for a bit of advice. My friends keep matching me up with these different guys and I've already come out as bi to them but I'm scared to tell them that I'm mainly attracted to girls and rarely guys. What should I do?
I think you need to tell your friends to back off on the matchmaking, unless youâve asked them to hook you up with people. No matter what the gender is of the people they are picking, itâs presumptuous of them to try and get you to date random people. If you arenât okay with talking to them about your dating preferences, just talk to them about not matching you up with people at all. You donât have to get into the nitty-gritty details of your attraction unless you are comfortable doing so. Perhaps having them hold off entirely will give you space and time to think about talking about your preferences, if you so desire.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
I came out as bi to my mom 6 months ago and I thought everything was fine. Then, yesterday it came up and she acted like she didn't know I was bi and then when I reminded her, she was like "I don't think you are. Bisexuality isn't real". ????
Sometimes, it seems like people have a selective memory for things that they donât like. Itâs really frustrating when someone, especially a parent, backpedals on their support for you. This post talks about defending the validity of bisexuality, which may be something you want to try out with your mom. Just a reminder: You know who you are, and you know your orientation is real, no matter what other people think or say.
I hope this helps.
~Arin
im a bi female adult. people know and im fine, but i never had any experience and feel i have weird specifics that i'm afraid to tell anyone. i can't fathom the idea of body fluids beside saliva in/around mouths. i wouldnt eat out a girl, and no one on me because it's full of unavoidable fluid. but oral on boys ok as long as no fluids gets around the mouth. im ok with anal/vaginal both ways regardless of anyone's gender, and have no dom/sub preference.
Regardless of sexual orientation, you are allowed to have preferences and limitations on what you are willing to do and try. Being bisexual doesnât mean you have to be down for everything with everyone. I donât think you need to be afraid to tell potential partners your needs; in fact, I recommend it. Establishing boundaries is important in a sexual relationship, so that everyone can be comfortable and no-one gets hurt. It may be that you are never comfortable with fluids, and it may also be that you find someone with whom you would be comfortable testing your limits. So many things can happen when you find a partner that you trust and feel safe with.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
I'm a bisexual guy and pass as straight (one of my friends who I didn't come out to once said "you're straight, it's not like you would know how non-straight people feel") and it kinda makes me feel like I'm not a part of the community and don't belong. I know it sounds stupid but idk. I just wanted to get it out there, I guess
Thatâs really frustrating, and itâs not stupid at all. I donât want to push you out of the closet, but people wonât know youâre a part of the community until you tell them. Thereâs no stereotypical look for bisexuals, especially not for bisexual men; even if there was one, nobody should be assuming anyoneâs identity based on looks alone, but that doesnât really stop folks from trying. Bi folks tend to have to remind people who we are a little more, and remind them that we are part of the queer community. That doesnât mean that you have to wear a flashing neon sign that says âIâM BISEXUALâ every minute of every day. It simply means that, when people say things like your friend did, consider coming out to them if it is comfortable to do so. You do belong in the community, but you need to make your place there if you want to be an out and proud member. And even if people think you âpass as straightâ--which is a notion that I have always found to be bullshit, quite honestly--you know who you are. If you need any help with the coming out process, consider looking though my many, many posts on the subject.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
so im asexual but i kinda like boobs? like i think the shape is nice and looks nice and they're soft and stuff. i don't want to do anything sexual w them though. is that a sexual thing? does that mean im gay/bi? what does that really mean? i know i don't wanna do the do w anyone so like im sure im ace but this is suddenly a new thing to me??
It sounds to me like you find breasts aesthetically attractive. That doesnât make you any less asexual, unless they are the breasts of a specific person that you feel sexual attraction for. Even though breasts have been extremely sexualized, finding them pleasing or attractive doesnât automatically make you a sexual person. All it means is that you are an asexual person who likes boobs. Donât panic, dear; boobs are awesome.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
Is it normal to be greyromantic and bisexual? And if so, is it alright to romantically date people despite not being romantically attracted to them but being sexually attracted to them instead? (like reverse demisexual)
I wouldnât say that being a greyromantic bisexual is any more or less normal than any other combination of identities. Itâs simply the way that you navigate your romantic and sexual attraction. Your reasons for dating people are your own. There isnât a rule that you must be perfectly aligned attraction-wise to the people you date, because dating isnât just about attraction. Sexual and romantic attraction are just some of the things that draw people to others; there are other things that just canât even be named that make people want to be with the people they like. As long as your reasons for dating someone arenât harming that person, I think theyâre fine.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
I was hoping you could help me. Yesterday I stumbled across a TERF blog that had a lot of transphobia/Aphobia/Biphobia, and as a 15 year old biromantic asexual trans boy, it really hurt to see those things. I blocked the blog, but I can't really forget or get over the stuff I saw there. I've been feeling really awful for a while now. I don't really know how to deal with this. I'd love to hear any advice.đđđâ ď¸âđźď¸
That is extremely unfortunate. It can really feel like a smack in the face to encounter hatred toward oneâs identity. You took a good first step by blocking the blog, but I can understand why youâd have a hard time working through the way you feel about what you saw and read. I would recommend stepping away from the computer, or at least away from Tumblr, and engaging in another form of self-care. Call or text a friend, go for a walk or a car ride, read a good book, play a game. Do something to take your mind to a safer, more comfortable place. You donât have to leave the internet forever, but sometimes it helps to separate yourself from it a little bit when the things you encounter hurt you.
When you are ready to process what you read, if you feel that you need to, remind yourself that you know that the -phobic things you read are the opinions of someone who is ill-informed. They are not factual statements, and you know that they are not true of you as a singular person, or of trans, ace, or bi people as a whole.
I hope this helps.
~Arin
So I already know I'm asexual, but I'm aesthetically and sensually attracted to both women and men. Does this make me bi in a way?
I imagine you could call yourself something like biaesthetic and bisensual, if those are words that feel comfortable to you. I havenât seen as many folks use labels related to aesthetic or sensual attraction, but there are those who do, and I donât think thereâs anything wrong with that.
Remember, though, that bi- can be described in lots of ways. âAttraction to men and womenâ is only one of those ways; âattraction to your gender and other gender(s)â and âattraction to 2+ gendersâ are the two definitions most accepted by the bi community, as they donât name specific genders. Just a headâs up!
I hope this helps!
~Arin
I'm aromantic (cupioromantic) asexual and recently I've been getting flack from people for calling myself LGBT+ or queer. It seems like a big part of the discrimination comes from the fact people think if I'm not primarily attracted to the same gender then heterosexism doesn't affect me. I was watching some videos by bis complaining about people thinking they're not queer if they're dating the opposite sex, and I identified with it a lot. What parallels do you see between bi and ace experiences?
I actually created this blog because of the parallels I have observed between ace and bi experiences. So, you asking me this means that I was right to do so.
Iâve talked a bit about the similarities between the experiences of ace and bi folk. This post, which is a response to a rather acephobic person who wrote to me earlier this year, is one good example. In fact, with this being a year full of blatant acephobia on Tumblr, Iâve had a lot of chances to explore the similarities in our experiences. Someone tagged me in this post that talks about the similar paths that biphobia and acephobia have taken, and Iâve found that helpful. A number of people have talked to me about relationships between asexual and bisexual people, and why they seem to happen so often: this post is my response to that, and also includes theories about our commonalities.
What it boils down to is this: both the asexual and bisexual communities are pushed to the sidelines by âThe Gay Community.â Neither one of us are completely and purely attracted to our own gender, so we arenât seen as being âqueer enoughâ by the people who are and who have been hurt for having that kind of attraction. Those sorts of people act as though asexual and bisexual people are never hurt because of their attraction, when in fact THEY are hurting us because of our attraction. It seems like a lot of the things we have in common stem from the negative, so letâs try and put a positive spin on it: ace and bi people have a unique understanding of each other because our attraction has occurred in a less-than-common way. We embrace each otherâs apparent weirdnesses. We both have to fight to be visible, we both have rather negative stereotypes attached to us (even though they seem to be opposites, i.e. âprudeâ vs. âslutâ), we are both perceived to simply not exist. We both know that we do exist, and we tend to be very vocal and active in the community, even when they donât seem to want us around.
So, there are some of my thoughts on the subject.
I hope this helps!
~Arin
Okay, so, it's coming up to Christmas as my qpp has gone back home to spend Christmas with his family. Bit when he gets back, we're going to have our own little Christmas after Christmas, complete with making a gingerbread house and giving each other gifts. It'll be nice, and I can't wait to see him again. I might even hold on to some mistletoe for the extra layer of cheese. - C
You two are clogging my arteries with all of this gooey sweetness...
Previously...
Thank you for explaining the difference between sexual desire and attraction, it's helped me to figure out my sexual orientation a bit.
Iâm glad that my answer was helpful to you!
In reference to this post
So I have a question. I have just discovered that I am bi sexual. I try opening up to my friends about it, but they find it weird. Is there anyway I can try to explain to them about my sexuality?(sorry if this is an unnecessary question)
If you felt that the question was necessary to ask, then it is indeed necessary. Monosexual people--that is, people who are attracted to one sex or gender--sometimes find people who are attracted to multiple genders confusing. It doesnât always make sense to them that there are folks who have a broader range of attraction. You might try using humor in the form of analogies in order to explain your orientation in a way thatâs memorable and makes sense. One of my favorites is the sofa bed analogy. Another one I see quite often is the cake and pie analogy. Some folks like cake, others like pie, and yet others like cake AND pie.
Followers, do you have other ideas about explaining bisexuality in interesting and memorable ways?
