“You’ve been on my mind these past few days, all I keep wondering is if you’re doing alright. Are you keeping yourself safe? Or are you getting into trouble? As a child I always heard people telling you ‘Ayami, how could you be so heartless…why are you so hateful? what made you this way? No one could tame the monster inside of you….’ but you’d always look down at me as I held onto your hand. That warm smile would spread over your lips but you’d never tell them anything. You’ll only smile down at me as I smiled back up at you. In my eyes... you weren’t a monster, but only a loving mother. My... loving mother.
There was never a day that had gone by when I heard some people mentioning that you were harsh on them but when it came to me. You were kind, you shown me love and compassion. To me... you were the best thing in the world. You were the nicest person in the world, you would never punish me or degrade me. You always praised me... even at my faults. You’ve taught me humility.
I remember the nights you’d sing to me rocking me to sleep as I held onto the teddy bear you bought me. The nights where I’d run into your room afraid of the night, afraid of the thunder. You would never shoo me away, you’d comfort me and made me feel safe.
The fondest memory I have is when we sat along side a river bed, letting me splash around in the cool water as the hot summer sun sat overhead. When I looked back at you, you were smiling from ear to ear, watching as I was having fun. I looked down and saw a shiny white rock with some clear spots. I honestly don’t even know if it were a rock... or it was a gem. I ran out of the water and sat on your lap making your leathers soaked as I gave it to you. You told me you’d always treasure it and placed it into a pouch. Now I’m wondering if you still have it... if you do, may I see it?
You’ve taught me everything I know, everything I am.. is because of you. I’m glad no woman had ever lived up to your standards and always pushed them away. If it weren’t for that... I’d be tied down to a woman that I wouldn’t care about nor love.
But I’m married... and I have two children who have changed my life for the better. I’m no longer that killer that consumed my every thought... I’m a father and a husband. Mom, no matter how much you think that you’ve ruined my life. You didn’t, you made me who I am today. The respectful cheerful little boy you raised has grown up into a loving father and husband.
I may not be that little boy that has to look up to you clutching onto your leg whenever something frightened me. I can now stand beside you, looking down at you with a smile on my face. Knowing that we can face it together, and you can no longer do it alone.
